Defeating the Bible , One chapter at a Time! (Genesis Chapter 3)

Welcome back Kiddies.

We are in week three.

Here we go!!!!

“Now the serpent was the most cunning of all the animals that the LORD God had made. The serpent asked the woman, "Did God really tell you not to eat from any of the trees
in the garden?" The woman answered the serpent: "We may eat of the
fruit of the trees in the garden; it is only about the fruit of the tree in the
middle of the garden that God said, 'You shall not eat it or even touch it,
lest you die.'"But the serpent said to the woman: "You certainly will
not die! No, God knows well that the moment you eat of it your eyes will be
opened and you will be like gods who know what is good and what is bad."
The woman saw that the tree was good for food, pleasing to the eyes, and
desirable for gaining wisdom. So she took some of its fruit and ate it; and she
also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes
of both of them were opened, and they realized that they were naked; so they
sewed fig leaves together and made loincloths for themselves.”

There is now a snake that can talk. Is Eve high? I mean that she is naked in a garden with Adam, her friend with benefits, and she has nothing better to do but to talk to a snake? Right . . . “From that tree you shall not
eat; the moment you eat from it you are surely doomed to die.” That is quoted
by ‘God’ from Genesis 2:17. Yes, doomed to die not that you will die. So, Adam has nothing better to do but eat
some fruit. So he was taken time out of
his very busy schedule to hang out with his wife. How does Adam and Eve suddenly know how to
create clothes, loincloths of all things?

“When they heard the sound of the LORD God moving about in the garden at the breezy time of the day, the man and his wife hid themselves from the LORD God among the trees of the
garden. The LORD God then called to the man and asked him, "Where are
you?" He answered, "I heard you in the garden; but I was afraid,
because I was naked, so I hid myself." Then he asked, "Who told you
that you were naked? You have eaten, then, from the tree of which I had
forbidden you to eat!" The man replied, "The woman whom you put here
with me--she gave me fruit from the tree, so I ate it." The LORD God then
asked the woman, "Why did you do such a thing?" The woman answered,
"The serpent tricked me into it, so I ate it." Then the LORD God said
to the serpent: "Because you have done this, you shall be banned from all
the animals and from all the wild creatures; On your belly shall you crawl, and
dirt shall you eat all the days of your life.”

Ok, one thing; before it was just ‘God’ now there is ‘LORD God’. Is there really a difference between the two? Did he get promoted for
doing such a great job on the Earth? And
if he did get promoted who is his boss?
‘God’ can only move during the breezy time of day. Sounds like a bad way to travel. If there is no wind then ‘God’ is up a
creek. ‘God’ calls to Adam and Adam is
hiding. Is Adam hiding from ‘God’ a game
like hide-n-seek or is it that Adam does not want his ‘Ribs’ pulled out? ‘God’ is now high and mighty so he yells at
Adam. What does Adam do? Blames it on his wife. And when ‘God’ yells at Eve, she blames a
snake. Alright. Did snakes have legs before this time or

“I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; He will strike at your head, while you strike at his heel." To the woman he said: "I
will intensify the pangs of your childbearing; in pain shall you bring forth
children. Yet your urge shall be for your husband, and he shall be your
master." To the man he said: "Because you listened to your wife and
ate from the tree of which I had forbidden you to eat, "Cursed be the
ground because of you! In toil shall you eat its yield all the days of your
life. Thorns and thistles shall it bring forth to you, as you eat of the plants
of the field. By the sweat of your face shall you get bread to eat, Until you
return to the ground, from which you were taken; For you are dirt, and to dirt
you shall return."”

Umm, alright . . . . Is ‘God’ talking to man or to the snake in the first line? Not quite sure what that passage means there. . . . The husband is the master, huh? Sounds oddly sexist, doesn’t it? Was childbearing not as painful as
before? And where ARE the children of
the previous non painful bearing? Since
Adam listened to Eve, ‘God’ is sad now. “And since you listened to your wife, you
shall not pull out your own ‘rib’, because I’m jealous of you and Eve.”
The lesson you should go home with is that
agriculture was not with the advancement of technology and society, but because
you and your wife at fruit. Yea, logic
there Christians.

“The man called his wife Eve, because she became the mother of all the living. For the man and his wife the LORD God made leather garments, with which he clothed them. Then the
LORD God said: "See! The man has become like one of us, knowing what is
good and what is bad! Therefore, he must not be allowed to put out his hand to
take fruit from the tree of life also, and thus eat of it and live
forever." The LORD God therefore banished him from the garden of Eden, to
till the ground from which he had been taken. When he expelled the man, he
settled him east of the garden of Eden; and he stationed the cherubim and the
fiery revolving sword, to guard the way to the tree of life.”

‘God’ is now a tailor. Creator, Geneticist, Surgeon, and now Tailor. What will he do next? US!?!?!?!???!??! When did singular become plural?!?!? Is this God’s boss on the line, now? Man cannot eat
from the tree of life and live forever.
Um, ok. Was that an internal conversation between Gods’ split
personalities? Man is settled east of
the garden of Eden, and settles guards and a revolving sword of fire. Hell, the fiery would have just scared the .
. . the Winne the Pooh out of man.

Chapter three is finished!

What will happen next; a murder, perhaps?

Tune in next time for the greatest show on Earth:

Defeating the Bible, Once Chapter at a Time!

Views: 57

Comment by Apple on March 26, 2010 at 10:47am
I remember being in Sunday School when I was a little kid, and they showed us some cartoon about the creation story. It was one of those where Eve had hair lay just perfectly in front of her and they both had fig leaves stuck to them. lol. Anyway, at the end when the two got kicked out of the garden, god said he would never allow them back in and blocked the enterance to the garden with a flaming sword.

Now, this was being taught at "school" so we all assumed they were teaching us about events that actually happened. The first thing I asked the teacher was where the Garden of Eden is, because I wanted to go there someday to see god's flaming sword guarding the enterence. She said it's not there anymore. I asked when god took his sword back, and why. The teacher looked a bit distressed and changed the subject quickly. Deep down she probably knew that these weren't real events that actually took place, but had to teach them as such.


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