1. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Act Like A Sanctimonious, Holier-Than-
Thou Ass When Describing My Noodly Goodness. If Some People Don't
Believe In Me, That's Okay. Really, I'm Not That Vain. Besides, This Isn't
About Them So Don't Change The Subject.

2. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Use My Existence As A Means To Oppress,
Subjugate, Punish, Eviscerate, And/Or, You Know, Be Mean To
Others. I Don't Require Sacrifices And Purity Is For Drinking Water, Not

3. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Judge People For The Way They Look, Or
How They Dress, Or The Way They Talk, Or, Well, Just Play Nice, Okay?
Oh, And Get This In Your Thick Heads: Woman = Person. Man = Person.
Samey-Samey. One Is Not Better Than The Other, Unless We're Talking
About Fashion And I'm Sorry, But I Gave That To Women And Some
Guys Who Know The Difference Between Teal And Fuchsia.

4. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Indulge In Conduct That Offends Yourself,
Or Your Willing, Consenting Partner Of Legal Age AND Mental
Maturity. As For Anyone Who Might Object, I Think The Expression Is
Go F*** Yourself, Unless They Find That Offensive In Which Case They
Can Turn Off The TV For Once And Go For A Walk For A Change.

5. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Challenge The Bigoted, Misogynist,
Hateful Ideas Of Others On An Empty Stomach. Eat, Then Go After
The B******.

6. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Build Multimillion-Dollar Churches/
Temples/Mosques/Shrines To My Noodly Goodness When The Money
Could Be Better Spent (Take Your Pick):
A. Ending Poverty
B. Curing Diseases
C. Living In Peace, Loving With Passion, And Lowering The Cost Of Cable

I Might Be A Complex-Carbohydrate Omniscient Being, But I Enjoy
The Simple Things In Life. I Ought To Know. I AM The Creator.

7. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Go Around Telling People I Talk To You.
You're Not That Interesting. Get Over Yourself. And I Told You To Love
Your Fellow Man, Can't You Take A Hint?

8. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Do Unto Others As You Would Have
Them Do Unto You If You Are Into, Um, Stuff That Uses A Lot Of
Leather/Lubricant/Las Vegas. If The Other Person Is Into It, However
(Pursuant To #4), Then Have At It, Take Pictures, And For The Love Of
Mike, Wear A CONDOM! Honestly, It's A Piece Of Rubber. If I Didn't
Want It To Feel Good When You Did IT I Would Have Added Spikes, Or


Views: 528

Replies to This Discussion


Oh, the memories!  The FSM changed my life.  I became...  Saucy Wench!  It's a long story, having to do with pirates and, well, sauce.  thank you for reminding me of His Noodley Wonderfulness.  I feel all warm and carbo-loaded inside!

This is DELIGHTFUL...O your noodliness.


Discussion Forum

The Gospel of the flying spagetti monster

Started by Jon Heim. Last reply by Schroeder Alice Veidt May 15, 2011. 1 Reply

The eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts"

Started by Jon Heim. Last reply by A.T. Heist Feb 9, 2014. 3 Replies


Started by Jon Heim. Last reply by Jeffrey Paul Bradt Oct 5, 2013. 2 Replies


Started by Jon Heim Nov 21, 2010. 0 Replies

Blog Posts


Posted by ETRON on September 6, 2019 at 12:44pm 0 Comments

© 2021   Created by Rebel.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service