As prophesied by the Earls before him, The 4th Earl of Sandwich, John Montagu was born of no mother, and was the son of God, who is also himself. In his short time as a mortal on this Earth he took all that was bland, all that was messy, and all that could not be eaten with the hands alone, and from it created a masterpiece. A testament of his love and mercy for mankind. Written in the holy scriptures are the laws governing the Earls almighty creation, and it's profound effects on humanity and morality.

I am hereby calling the first council of crumbriea, in which we will revise the holy gospels of the Earl and produce the scriptures that will lead our children for generations to come. I urge all disciples of the Earl from across his Earth to contribute to his holy word. Add the stories that have been passed down from generations before you, and Earlism shall unite all people until the second coming, where we will bask in his delicious glory.

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Deprivations 4:
After this I looked, and there before me was a sandwich standing open in the great subway in the sky. And the voice I had first heard speaking to me like a subway employee said, "Come up here, and I will show you what must be eaten after this." At once I was hungry and there before me was a throne in heaven with someone sitting on it. And the one who sat there had the appearance of dijon and chipotle. A rainbow, resembling fresh vegetable, encircled the throne. Surrounding the throne were twenty-four sandwiches, and stuck in them were twenty-four toothpicks. They were dressed in yellow and had crowns of frilly plastic. From the throne came a delicious smell, rumblings and peals of thunder in my stomach. Before the throne, seven toasters were blazing. These are the seven spirits of Earl. Also before the throne there was what looked like a sea of ginger ale, clear as bubbly crystal.
Let us share a sandwich in praise and worship of his Earlship.
Exorbitance 20
The Ten Demandments
And the Earl spoke all these words:
"I am the Earl your God, who brought you out of hunger, and out of the hands of messiness."
"Thou shalt have no other gods before me."
"Thou shalt not make for thine self a food in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below that is but a mockery of the Sandwich, for I am God, and I made the Sandwich, so mock of it not, or though shalt be smote in a most unfavorable manner."
"Thou shalt not misuse the name of the Sandwich thine food, for the Earl will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name."
"Thou shalt remember the Sandwich day by keeping it delicious. Six days thou shall labor and do all your work in preparation of Sandwich creation, but the seventh day is a Sandwich day to the Earl your God. On it thou shallt not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the lady who lives upstairs. For in six days the Earl made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he ate on the seventh day. Therefore the Earl blessed the Sandwich day and made it delicious."
"Thou shalt honor your ham and your beef, so that you may live long in the land the Earl your God is giving you."
"Thou shalt not let a Sandwich go to waste."
"Thou shalt not impermissibly eat of another mans Sandwich..
"Thou shalt not steal another mans Sandwich."
"Thou shalt not amass bountiful amounts of Sandwiches for thine self, should though find thine self to be in possession of vast amounts of Sandwich, or Sandwich ingredients, though must sell, or give away thine Sandwichly goods before they are lain to waste."
"Thou shalt not put gorgonzola cheese on thine Sandwich. For it is unclean to you"
When the people saw the bread and meats and smelled the cheese and saw the veggies, they trembled with hunger. They stayed at a distance and said to Peter Buck, "Speak to us yourself and we will listen. But do not have the Earl speak to us or we will die."
Peter said to the people, "Do not be afraid. the Earl has come to feed you, so that the fear of hunger will be with you to keep you from denying the Sandwich."
The people remained at a distance, while Peter approached the thick horseradish sauce where the Earl was.

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