If this was your last day alive?

What would be important to you?

What would NOT be important anymore?

What would you do?

It's difficult to really think that way unless you actually ARE facing the possibility that your days may be numbered...

But still...try. Try your best to think...what if you knew you were going to die and that you had a precious little amount of time left to live your life?


How would your life change?


It might end up being the best thing that ever happened to you!

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I would: 

- see my sweet heart and my girlfriend, or at least, speak to them

- get stoned

- get the best whisky I could afford

- listen to all my favourite music full blast and fuck the neighbours

I would still try to look over The Edge which is what I do everyday and would keep asking others to do the same.

"The Edge"

- I think that Rebecca Newberger Goldstein's concept of "mattering" is interesting.  She says that a healthy person matters to themselves, and that this may be the bridge between "is" and "ought" - facts and values. 

I agree with her, although there are a number of value systems that people follow.  I think "mattering" is an aspect of the universal pressure to flourish and survive, and is a strategy put there by nature to achieve these things. 

I've had 25 years' experience of "not mattering" to myself - or rather - even if we're pissed off, this shows that we matter to ourselves.  I've had 25 years' experience of nothing mattering to me, and this makes me a dangerous person, as I could still decide to chuck everything in within the space of 20 minutes, and frankly, it's a wonder I keep my liberty from week to week. 

I think it was around the year 2000 when I made a serious suicide attempt - I took 330 antidepressants, which a doctor has told me would have killed me.  I took them at midnight and went into a coma, and at 6 pm the next day, some people (apparently) came into the room adjoining.  So (apparently) I hauled myself off the bed, in a coma, and began pounding slowly on the door for help. 

My point is, consciously I had chucked everything in, but my physical body had other ideas.  This is very significant and, having recently read The Selfish Gene, I realised the urge to survive that nature instils in all living beings.  From here, it's a short stretch to realise too the urge to flourish, for similar evolutionary reasons. 

"the universal pressure to flourish and survive

- so - you just have to hang in there and work with it, or at least, not against it, and let it do its work over time.  It's all about the long term view, but with immediate steps towards it. 

It wouldn't change for me. You're supposed to live like you're dying anyway... because you are.

How about finding someone richly deserving of assassination to take with you?

Would I be as I are now, no more or less money? Cause if I had a tonne of money I'd just fly out to the most beautiful mountainous area and spend my day there, smelling the scent of mountain flowers and breathing the air.  Also, I'd make sure to go on the dark web and order assassinations of one of the vilest people I know.  And then donate the rest of the money to animal sanctuaries and animal rights advocacy.

Important: Wife, children, family, our animals, my garden.
Not important: everything else.
What would i do: spend the day with those above in my garden of this house i love, in this city i adore.

I had a number of "last days" while in hospital 13-15 years ago, i would not want to spend my last in one again - if you see what i mean. By the way if you think "last day" is bad just wait until it turns into the last night, the last early hours, the next morning - trust me on this, it makes you really wish the a last day proper !

Twelve years ago our best friend Saskia was diagnosed with ovarian cancer while pregnant. Rather than have to loose her child she carried on with the pregnancy. By the time Hilke ( now our oldest daughter - adopted) was born it was too late for Saskia and all that ccould be done was to buy her as much time as we could with her baby. Since Nina and I knew that we would ultimately become Hilke's parents they lived with us so we could also care for our friend. When someone is dying there is rarely any defined day as such, just an increasing number of near misses until one day, or more commonly very early morning (03:00 - 05:00) when life moves on. Her wish In her last couple of months was to be near as much life as possible so we moved her bedroom down into the Orangery to see the garden and be close to the kitchen where most of the life of the house was. Hilke pretty much lived in there with her, i breastfed her there, play dates held there, meals taken there, in short we made sure life was all around her as she wanted. I think we did pretty well to give her the last day(s) she wanted.

To this day when Hilke is upset or troubled we know exactly where she will go. Long ago it went back to being an Orangery of course. Every time I am working in there on the plants i look out to the garden and the Japanese Maple in the lawn. Saskia had bought it for us when she gave birth to Hilke, when I planted it i put the placenta at the roots to nourish it. Both the tree and Hilke have grown so much, I like to think both honor Saskia because to me both mark her last day.

Sorry, i went on a bit, and somewhat off target but last day - was a thought provoking topic, thank you.
Judith vd R.

Judith, what a beautiful, poignant story. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

Thanks for sharing Judith

I can only imagine the relief Saskia felt knowing Hilke would be cared for...

UK astronaut Piers Sellers diagnosed with cancer. Talks about plans for the remainder of his life.


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