Is it true that a girl is supposed to act like she isn't that interested so that a guy will remain interested? Does this cat and mouse game still work?

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I think that this pretty lady has been playing such a game with me for a month now and it is absurdly confusing! She likes to play games and I hate being frustrated by her fluctuating attraction rejection push and pull up and down come and go in and out madness. Sometimes I couldn't tell if she was gaming me or serious about the negative parts.

It's not just humans. Take a look at birds, for example, to see how the females make the males go to absurd lengths before getting a roll in the hay. LOL

You're earning the right to do da durty.

Belle, you ask interesting questions.

In one of those small group workshops that were popular in the 1970s, I was one of about 20 people, both men and women and most of us in our 30s, who were asked to line up along a wall according to how aggressive or passive we believed we were.

Very quickly, a woman in the group and I were contesting for first place on the aggressive end. I was pushing her harder than I'd ever pushed a woman and she was pushing me harder than any woman had ever pushed me. When the workshop leader ended the exercise, she and I still had not settled the issue.

The workshop leader surprised me when he said the pushing at the passive end is sometimes rougher than the pushing at the aggressive end.

You asked why men don't take "NO" for an answer.

I once did conflict resolution work. For several years, perhaps twice a month, I was one of a panel of three or four trained volunteers who heard both parties to a conflict and helped them work toward a settlement. We were not allowed to suggest any part of the settlement.

The process consisted of four phases.

1. We asked the parties to face us and gave each one from 15 to 20 minutes to describe the issues. Experience showed us that if they took more than about 45 minutes they were not yet ready to settle, so we invited them to call again for another appointment and ended the process. 

2. We asked them to face each other and describe their concerns: how they felt, etc. When one of them said something like "Well, I could have done...." and the other didn't protest we went to the next phase.

3. We asked them to identify the terms of a settlement.

4. We wrote their settlement and asked them to sign it, with the understanding that if it didn't work then either of them could call for an additional appointment.

Later, I was able to use the methods I learned when I was a volunteer at San Francisco Sex Information ( and people called about conflicted relationships.

What is it with men who just can't understand when a woman says "no" she means "NO!"

I hope you're not imposing a stereotype on all malekind. I hope you really mean "What is it with (those) men who just can't understand when a woman says "no" she means 'NO!'"

I think most men are quite a bit less persistent than that control freak.

And then you have the fact that some women do like to toy with guys with a "no" that can mean "maybe." Perhaps they are mildly interested, but not enough yet to commit to a drink or a first date. They want to get to know him a bit better and not send him packing. And of course, some women will interpret persistence as sincerity and not just "The more women I ask, the more frequently I'll score," the other kind of guy who is too ready to give up.

Belle, the above post by the invisible man pointed out some of the problems between men and women.

I was seeing as well the stereotypical responses -- the male inclination to fix a problem and the female inclination to discuss a problem. When I clicked the Reply button I thought I had:

1) escaped between those two responses, and

2) put in good words for two activities that had aided my recovery from the violences in my early years.

I also had in mind a bit of what I hope you see as humor: In the Middle East male suicide bombers are promised an afterlife with 72 virgins, while female suicide bombers are promised an afterlife with 72 men who listen to them.

You suspect you have a jerk magnet. I was nearing fifty when I told a woman I didn't like the passive-females I was managing to attract. She told me I was sending out the signals that attracted them. I woke up.

Belle, I too wondered that if I change and stop attracting passive women, what else will I change?

I started attracting non-passive women. I found them a lot more fun, and I was free of a burden.

You might start attracting non-jerks.

Check out "Dutch Uncle". I'm known for saying such as:

1) De Nile is a river.

2) An overcrowded world?

3 More kids? Okay, more people to help pay off the federal debt.

3) On the optimistic side, maybe in their lifetimes the indoctrination now being done in religious schools will be unlawful child abuse.

4) A few months ago a workaholic friend who is a small town's mayor, told me he could change his ways at any time. Pissed off, I told him, "Okay, I'll shut up. Go ahead and have your heart attack!"

5) Belle, you can say "Uncle" any time you like.

Belle, if a woman's life so plainly has purpose (making babies) without religion, why do more women than men frequent churches?

It's best to take a "when it happens, it happens" attitude, because the other approach is one of desperation, which yields notoriously bad results. It makes one needlessly vulnerable.

The advice I would give my daughter is that when you want to get rid of a guy, it's a good time to be rather blunt and not necessarily do it in a way to spare his feelings. Send him away licking his wounds. Don't be nice, as females are societally trained to be. Be a bit bitchy about it.

Belle, I clicked that link and saw only a white screen.

Flirting is fun if both people are doing it. Jerks are too needy to do it.

Exactly.  I WISH so badly that girls I had an interest in, even feelings for would have let me down a LOT harder.  It would have made it so much easier for me to actually understand that they just.  don't.  feel.  the.  same.  

More girls need to learn to do this - if they are nice and friendly/soft about it - I overthink things and begin there still a chance?  Maybe she likes me because she's being so nice...blah blah blah.  


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