Recently, there have been many deaths, whether they are in pop culture or not.  There are constantly people saying and trending #Prayfor____. Or I'm praying for ______.  Of course I feel horrible if someone dies but what can I say instead of pray so that I don't seem like a jerk.

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Hi Melina, welcome to TA.

Perhaps you can say, "you will be in my thoughts" or "my heart goes out to you" or "I feel your pain".

I offer honest condolences, or send "positive thoughts."  Most people I know are aware I don't pray, anyway.

Careful not to offer anything you're not willing to back up. I think George Carlin made it absolutely clear how that offering to do stuff thing can backfire.

Welcome to TA! I agree with my friend Strega. My default is "You're in my thoughts." But most often I offer words of condolence, along with inspiration. I've learned over these so very few short years that I've been a human, that people find amazing strength when shown compassion. No, it didn't take me all of my 32 years to see that. When people know that others are thinking of them, and taking time to say something trying to make them feel better it provides confidence. Any display of empathy or sorrow over a given situation will encourage people to push through it. Clasped hands do not show nearly the humanity that kind words and tears do. Better yet, everyone needs a hug sometimes. Even me, and I don't even like to be touched lol! But nothing was as comforting as the hug my mothers nurse gave me when she passed. Feeling connected to people, can help a person get through anything.

The truth.

"sending a goat-blood sacrifice your way"

You could just lie and tell them that you will pray for them. Or say your thoughts will be with them or offer you condolences. I am so sorry for your loss is also fine to say as well. 

Speak from the heart....

P.S. I always respected the Irish wake as a way to celebrate and remember the life of the individual and not the passing away.

Hey, so that's where that comes from. Well there's the silver lining of my Irish-Catholic heritage. Didn't think there was one!

If you know the person, send flowers to the funeral or a condolence letter with a personal message. Or just call and talk for a little while to see how they are doing both before and after the funeral. If the person is local, then bring them some food, visit them, help them with anything around the house. Funerals are a very trying time and a lot of work needs to be done. Personal effects of the deceased individual need to be sorted through, the family has to find a cemetery if they haven't, arrange things with a funeral home, and likely decide on some sort of service. It's a lot of work that emotionally draining and there are still everyday things that need to be done like pick up kids from school, do grocery shopping, get the car an oil change, fix the dryer, clean the house. So if it's someone you know, ask if they need help. It will alleviate some stress in the process and give them some time to grieve as well as being a great way of showing you really care.

Thank you, Sagacious, for showing us there still are good, caring people on this crazy planet.

I wish I could take credit, but that's what people did for my family when my sister died, and I'll never forget it.


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