Hi. I'm new to TA and getting acquainted. I have been single all my 43 years, and until now was intent on changing that. Now I realize I don't want to get married.
I want to find a soulmate and best friend who loves me back.
I want to stay with her because she helps me be healthy and I help her too, not because either one of us is lonely, sick of being single, or pitiful and sad or because it's convenient to be together.
I need to be with a woman who can stand on her own and isn't needy, someone who can think for herself and wants to share that with me, a whole person who is interested in my whole person.
I don't think long-term-commitment type men want someone to rescue. If we do, what happens when everything's alright? No more rescue, no more need for a hero, right? Not what I'm looking for.
I don't need a stubborn, headstrong chick who never needs help and can do everything by herself, thank you very much, macho man.
I seriously need the cart AFTER the horse.
I really need, once I get myself together and start looking again, to go on one simple romantic date, to a place, setting, and time decided by both of us.
Then we can share ourselves, gradually, gently and honestly and openly, with each other. We can build a relationship around love, not the other way around. I have discovered for myself that we can't build love or manufacture a good relationship. If she doesn't like me, she should find the one she does like, plain and simple. "Making love" isn't. You can't make love. Until you HAVE it. Then you can grow it. If I want an oak tree, I can't manufacture it. I need to find an acorn.
Say we get along great.
More dates, that's all. I'm not living tomorrow, or the day we may get hitched. The only time I have now is now, and let's be here. It's awesome.
That said, plan ahead, absolutely. Remember plans change and, if so, we change with them. Otherwise we're no longer in the plan. And it's important to have a good solid plan-- that requires more good honest, frank communication and acceptance. Work together.
If all goes well, we'll move on to engagement.
Then, well, more dates and more communication; building that future. Continuing to live our lives together. Now I'm looking at the wedding day.
We get married, something I've never experienced because I was trying to build love around a relationship of sex and niceties. This relationship will be built on love, acceptance, flexibility, strength, compassion, friendship, self-sufficiency, and fearless commitment. I say fearless commitment because we should strive to not act out of fear, but out of confidence in the truth and in what is right.
We stay together throughout our lives, at least until one of us dies.
THAT is what I'm going to be looking for.
Singleness is not an ailment to be cured by grabbing somebody who also needs a remedy. It's an opportunity to decide what we want before jumping to who we (think we) want. If singleness were the desert some of us make it out to be, none of us would be able to get an acorn, much less plant it in the ground and give it water. I don't think being surly and sad will get me a mate. It never has, and I've tried it plenty of times. I'm keeping my ground watered and fruitful first. Then I'll go look for an acorn.
Oaks are strong, beautiful, flexible and very high-reaching. They are quite varied, with 600 species. They flower and they smell nice. Ever sniff tree bark? Sometimes it can be pleasing, I think. Interesting how so many aspects of a tree are aesthetic in so many ways.
That's how we are. So many different types of people to talk to. So beautiful-- especially women. Man, we got the short end of the stick on that one. Every one has their own qualities. Some produce a little fruit; some a lot, but all are special. Strong. Beautiful. Flexible. Grand. And the scent of the one you love is incredible, like nothing else. It's absolutely intoxicating without dulling the senses. In fact, it'll heighten them.
I know that and I haven't truly been in love. I only thought we were.
So you see, I am not looking for marriage. That's the cart. I need the relationship to pull it and steer it.
Then I'll be looking for marriage.
Hello. My name I Joe, and I am a single atheist.
I'm still single, or more accurately very recently single because I can't seem to find a woman that I'm attracted to. Well I mean physically, sure! But that only gets me by. Once I've found all the hidden and wonderful things about a new girlfriends body, it's just that, a body. A warm body for snuggling, and occasionally some nasty exercise. Once the physical attraction becomes a constant, and all the cool tricks and hidden easter eggs are found, there's only intellect. And I hate to say it, but the women I've been attracted to physically have been about as bright as a crayon in the mud. Now, the one's that I can't get my head off of are the ones in lab coats. I've found as I get older, I'm so much more attracted to a witty siren who can get into some nasty physics. I'm talking the dirty stuff like quantum theory, and ohhh... the singularity. Oh Darwin I'm getting excited just thinking about it now! Those shiny thick black rimmed specs, messy hair just thrown back in a pony tail, lab coat with ink stains on the front pocket... Whew! I need to relax myself!
Honestly? It's impossible to find stimulating conversation any deeper then the kiddie pool. Sure I'll quantify here, maybe shoot off some pi over there... but what I really want is some of that sweet Mandelbrot... You know what I'm talking about....Don't be shy!
HA. I used to own a t shirt that said "talk nerdy to me" I wish I still had it. Anyway, I hear what you are saying. It is tough to find stimulating conversation. Not most people want to get deep right away. They are insecure ..or shy or just not on your intellectual level. Also, I think a lot of women might be dumbing themselves down..I dunno if that is irresponsible of me to say but its a theory. I think that they think men don't want or appreciate smart women. In my opinion..they just want you to be yourself. Yeah some will probably be genuinely too intimidated ..but most men do appreciate women who are smart and know it.
Too shy. I am also waiting until after I get a job with good money and a steady income.
I have to be honest, I am single mainly because I am not that likable a person.
I am not family oriented and dont want to become a part of someone's family.
I would have to find another free thinking orphan who cant abide televised programming, and thats a tall order.
Living in the South doesnt help either. Finding a non religious female in Texas is a challenge. But I hope to relocate at the end of the year.
I'm single because I am divorced
I have not found the right person. I need to find someone with superhuman capacity for compassion and patience who isn't so far away that I have to have a long-distance relationship. Since I know that does not exist I am not looking.
I am just living my life as it is, knowing that I am worthy of something wonderful that may happen but hasn't happened yet. : )
I'm single because I'm looking for the perfect woman, and everytime I find one, damned if she isn't looking for the perfect man, and I have to start all over again.
I haven't found an 18-25 year old East Asian bikini model atheist who wants to fool around with a 66 yr old man, but I keep looking.
More seriously, maybe it's my sunglasses.
Yeah, the sunglasses, that's gotta be it --
yeah, male Atheists have serious problems finding Atheist women. I dont know why; you`d think women would prefer an Atheist because they treat women far better then christians or muslims, on average....