Hagee: DOMA Ruling A Sign That "The Rapture Of The Church Is About To Occur"

Comment by Gallup's Mirror on July 11, 2013 at 3:51pm

Relax, Mathew Hagee. It's not the end of THE world. It's just the end of yours.

I once worked with a fellow named Sean who was always on about the rapture. In 1999 a mutual friend of ours threw a big party in early December. Sean had a few drinks and started up that it was all happening on December 31. He wouldn't shut up about it and people were getting annoyed.

He ended up lying on his back under a table, wailing that nothing mattered, he was completely sure, and he was betting his immortal soul on it. I said, Sean if you're so damned sure, I'll give you $5,000 bucks for everything you own: your house, your car, everything. It's all mine on January 1, 2000. I'll have my lawyer draw up the papers. Deal? The silence was deafening. He wasn't THAT sure.

Besides, why would I care about man lying with man or woman lying with woman? It's cat lying with dog that should concern everyone. I mean, fuck, this is legal in ALL FIFTY STATES right now, people!

Comment by kris feenstra on July 11, 2013 at 7:27pm

"Lay with their wives". Lying with other men as they lied with their wives is what you, Hagee, are doing now with this fake rapture b.s.

Talky talk talk. Stop being such a tease and get the fuck off my planet already.

Comment by bongani muthwa on July 12, 2013 at 6:23am

Funny enough in SA on the eve of the Millenium, a self confessed prophet, with a PHd, made psuedo- scientific calculations that the end of year 2000 wa the end of the world. Religious persons flocked his meetings, paying obviously, to hear him utter his nonsensical stuff. What amazed some of us is that there were other who called his findings nonsensical and 'unscriptural'. Nine yrs after I became a free-thinker, an Atheist, I cannot wait for a day when not only xians but all religious manaics are poofed out of our lovely plante

Comment by Gallup's Mirror on July 12, 2013 at 2:23pm

Okay, so the rapture is about to occur. When? Next week? Year's end? The end of the decade? This century? The guy says it's "very easy to know" so why does he leave out the rather important matter of timing?

That's the fun part about religion: the curious lack of high-risk predictions. And when people DO actually make high-risk predictions about the end of the world?

Crackpot: Mark my words! The end is neigh! It's coming on May 21, 2011!
Me: Gosh! Well, May 21 came and went. Still here!
Crackpot: Oops! Did I say May 21? I meant October 21, 2011!  Heh. forgot to carry the 5!
Me: I see. Well, October 21 came and went. Nothing happened. Hello? Are you there? Hello?

Comment by Strega on July 12, 2013 at 3:21pm

We ought to consider the possibility that Jesus came to Rapture the righteous, and only found a couple of people to fit his magnificent selection criteria.  He could then have whisked them off.  The rest of us rejects could have been left behind. End of story.

Comment by kris feenstra on July 12, 2013 at 3:31pm

there's actually a misconception that the rapture happens in one big swoop instantaneously. It's a rather slow process.

Did you know that alien abductions are actually Jesus conducting the final phase of the rapture screening process? The reason anal probes are so common is that your purity is actually stored in your rear end. That's why the truly pious have their heads so firmly stuck up their asses.

Comment by Belle Rose on July 12, 2013 at 7:15pm

I find it comical when pastors try to interpret and teach the book of Revelation. They don't know what they are saying so they always have to put in hyper-emotional scare tactics that make them sound all firey-brimstone charcoal burnt into the pits of hell kind of talk. It used to scare the shit out of me. I even remember a sermon by Adrian Rodgers about atheists that scared me - this contributed to the nauseous feeling I got when I first joined TA. It took me weeks to get over the feeling that I was being seduced by the devil. A feeling that returns periodically to this day. No easy anecdote.

Comment by Strega on July 12, 2013 at 8:22pm

At least the devil uses seduction techniques.  God just yells, drowns, sends pestilences, kills off firstborns, makes bears rip up children, turns people into salt, gives boils and slaughters families.

Give me a good seduction any time, over that kind of temper tantrum.

Comment by H3xx on July 13, 2013 at 1:01am

You know what? I hope the rapture is real. Then maybe you fundie nut jobs will go away and we can get some actual work done here on Earth.

Comment by Brendan on July 13, 2013 at 1:45am

So I guess god likes his porn to be guy/girl only, wait a second does that mean he likes watching dudes. So god is secretly gay? It's easy to make logical statements without the confines of logic.

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