Comment by M.B. on November 22, 2012 at 10:19am

Ah Fox... If I didn't know that they were for real I would think it was just some insane parody.

Comment by Kris Feenstra on November 25, 2012 at 2:45pm

The other day I was taking a shower and for some reason I started singing an old Christmas carol I learned in German school ages ago. Not two bars in did some atheist thug burst through the shower wall like the Kool-Aid Man and punch me straight in my jolly mouth, smashing tooth from gum with the blow. After nearly choking to death on my freshly dislodged chompers, I considered joking "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth" to subdue this wretched beast's fury, but that look of wild, atheism-y insanity turned my blood cold, so instead I ran away and hid under the kitchen sink where I cowered in fear for three days.

You may be wondering how I knew my assailant was an atheist? Well, I'm irrationally blaming him for nonsensical things which likely never happened as described (if at all), so he must be an atheist... or a homosexual... or a Mexican or Chinese person... possibly a woman.

Thanks FOX News for teaching me how to be a quivering gel of a man!

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