As a child, it was as if I'd been shoved into a huge cathedral packed wall-to-wall with billions of people, and everybody was wearing a hat. Up on my tip-toes, straining to look out over the heads of the crowd, I saw a massive turbulent sea of hats of all shapes and colors. Although the hats themselves were quite vivid, everyone's face was blurred.
Everyone in the crowd was proclaiming their hat to be the best hat to wear. They were all shouting, chanting and preaching at the same time, billions of loud voices, it was deafening. I slowly elbowed and pushed my way through the tightly-packed mob.
As I passed each of them, they would turn and speak to me with their gospel, offering me a hat like their own to wear. Some tried to force their hats on me, reaching to place them on my head or shove them in my face. But to their frustration and anger I refused them all.
Not wearing a hat of any sort, by default places me in an opposing position to almost everyone else on the planet. Although I'm acting from my heart and good sense, my refusal to wear a hat means I am labeled a worthless and vile heathen, an agitator, troublemaker, heretic, pagan or infidel. There are those that would put me to death just for not wearing the right hat.
But I wasn't born wearing a hat. I don't have a need or desire to wear a hat.
This is such a loving thing to do to every newborn bare-headed baby.

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Comment by Unseen on May 28, 2013 at 2:59pm

Women were allowed to wear hats in my church, but men had to take them off. The reason men had to take their hats off was to show respect. Women, apparently, exempt from showing respect.

Comment by Reg The Fronkey Farmer on May 28, 2013 at 5:50pm

It is not that you are not wearing a hat that bothers them as much as the fact that you refused to wear one when it was offered. Now they are left to wonder why you won’t. 

Comment by Strega on May 28, 2013 at 6:47pm

Here is an idea for a suitable hat, extolling the glories of the FSM (may you be touched by His Noodly Appendage)

Comment by Reg The Fronkey Farmer on May 28, 2013 at 7:18pm

Good one Strega - and hats off to this guy from the Church of FSM.

Comment by Strega on May 29, 2013 at 12:21pm

Fabulous, Holo.  He's such a tit anyway, but it's great to see him declare it so physically :)

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