Why Jesus Never Rose from Death, Science FTW

We all know the story of Jesus and his resurrection. Woo Hoo! It's a miracle! Well, it would have to be. And not just that he rose, but that other biological processes didn't happen. So let's talk about death and what happens from the moment of death. Fair warning, this won't be pretty. 


At the nearly the moment of death, Flies are attracted to your body. Shortly after death they will lay eggs in the openings of the body so that their larva can feed on the body tissues. Fly larval gestation is 24 hours. At this point the larva are feeding on their eggs and eventually the surrounding areas until they can reach the dry air where metamorphosis can take place. This process is usually four days of feeding. So if Jesus was dead in a cave for three days, surely he would have been food for maggots by this point. 


The second side of the story is that we are virtual bacteria factories. We have between 500 and 1000 forms of bacteria in our digestive systems. As soon as we die, that bacteria wants to escape the digestive tract. It will feed it's way out of the intestines into the rest of the body and feed upon it and it's enzymes that generate after death. You know how the body will begin to bloat after only 4 to 10 days, this is the gas produced in the rest of the body with nowhere to escape.


Then we have Rigor Mortis. From 3 hours to 12 hours in, Rigor Mortis will settle in and the body will become stiff. Basically all of the muscles harden up to a constricted state due the lack of oxygen flow. The resulting chemical process hardens the muscles and this wont relax for about three days when the digestive enzymes have eaten away at some of the muscle mass. In three days the body has been overcome by the bacteria.


To make matters worse, Lazarus made it four days, so what is so impressive about Jesus? But really, the writers of the Bible didn't understand the science of death. You don't die and keep the flies away. You don't die and keep the bacteria in their place. These things only happen in living people. So either Jesus didn't die, and where is the miracle? Or his body was already being consumed. "He is risen... and he has worms and bloat!"      

Views: 719

Comment by Akshay Bist on April 25, 2011 at 2:52pm
Blasphemy! God put Jesus's body in a stasis & then brought him back to life just like doctors bring people back to life using defibrillators :P
Comment by Walter Maki on April 25, 2011 at 2:55pm
Another heartwarming zombie story. :P
Comment by Akshay Bist on April 25, 2011 at 2:57pm
lol, do you think Jesus craved brainsssss after he was resurrected?
Comment by Scott D. on April 25, 2011 at 3:24pm
"God works in mysterious ways." That's all they have to say before it's written off as atheist propaganda.
Comment by Walter Maki on April 25, 2011 at 3:53pm
Yes Akshay he does, why else would he not want us to think for ourselves...he likes them tender and unused...lol
Comment by Dustin on April 25, 2011 at 4:14pm

I don't know.  This entire article is silly to me.  The claim is not that Jesus rose naturally from the dead , but that a supernatural agent resurrected him and allowed him to be in multiple places at the same time.  


But it is obviously not a miracle.  Anything that goes against the laws of physics , like multiplying fish and loaves to feed a lot of people with only a basket of fish and loaves  is just the same as Jesus resurrecting from the dead.  So if God existed , God could do anything , so one violation of the natural laws is not more miraculous than another.    


Even if Jesus did not resurrect from the dead (First off , I don't know why it really matters , he was still sacrificed , yes?) there could still be Yahweh.  


The resurrection itself , to me , is meaningless.  I don't care if it happened or not.  It doesn't prove Jesus is the son of God either way.  


But the '3 days' is also dumb because if you die at 11:59.59 seconds pm on Friday evening , and resurrect at 12:00.01 second am on Sunday morning , that is only 24 hours and 2 seconds of being dead , but dead for 3 days?  I don't think so.  Let's be accurate.  Jesus was only dead for a little over 24 hours.  The 3 days thing is just sensationalism on the part of Xtians to try to make it seem more miraculous.  


But a human sacrifice to atone for something the sacrificer could put aside just by it's will alone - Yahweh could just say 'Hey guys , I'm really sorry.  I created you and made some really silly laws and such and I realize now it's impossible to keep them all , so work with me here.  Forgive me for I am a noobie God but I meant the best for all of you.  I love you all.  k bye"  


It's much better to attack the silly doctrines than to attack a strawman (That Jesus rose naturally from the dead.)  





Comment by Akshay Bist on April 25, 2011 at 4:14pm

lmao Walter. Although unrelated, but you reminded me of this comic -

Comment by Walter Maki on April 25, 2011 at 4:18pm
lmao..too funny Akshay!
Comment by Gaytor on April 25, 2011 at 5:42pm

Dustin, I'm not sure if our understanding of the resurrection myth is the same. 

Jesus was risen from the dead with his body. The story is that Thomas (Doubting Thomas) put his fingers into Jesus' wounds. John 20 24-28

But Thomas, one of the twelve, called Didymus, was not with them when Jesus came.

The other disciples therefore said unto him, We have seen the LORD. But he said unto them, Except I shall see in his hands the print of the nails, and put my finger into the print of the nails, and thrust my hand into his side, I will not believe. And after eight days again his disciples were within, and Thomas with them: then came Jesus, the doors being shut, and stood in the midst, and said, Peace be unto you. Then saith He to Thomas, Reach hither thy finger, and behold my hands; and reach hither thy hand, and thrust it into my side: and be not faithless, but believing. And Thomas answered and said unto him, My LORD and my God


So you can see how from this angle, how I see Jesus having to have been reborn with his natural body? Wounds in hands. Wound in his side. That being, it wouldn't be a strawman argument with this understanding. I don't know anything about the multiple places at the same time angle. Do tell. 

I am only hitting one point. The point of any of my blogs are to hit at a central point. I'm not sure that I've ever sat down to take on the whole religion at once. That would certainly be a formidable task in size. Hitting the ability of a creature to be resurrected seems to be pretty central to the claims of Christianity.  


Comment by Walter Maki on April 25, 2011 at 6:45pm

Hitting the ability of a creature to be resurrected seems to be pretty central to the claims of Christianity.


Or there wouldn't be so much fuss and Easter would not be the same.


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