I am not an atheist. Or at least, not yet. I’m not sure. I am growing, and trying to learn about what is true.

I am a recent college grad. I studied physics and minored in writing. I spent some time in 2010 on a mission trip to a remote village in Africa, in part because I wanted to strengthen my faith, and it seemed to work at first. I saw God working there in new ways, and I learned a lot about seeking God, seeing God, and trusting in God. While surrounded by other missionaries and cut off from much of the rest of the world, I was absolutely convinced that I had found the right way to live. Even though I didn’t agree with everything the mission organization believed, I did think I’d found a true faith in God.

But when I came back from missions, I came back to my old life. I started reading the news online again, and I ended up running across atheist blogs. I found that I could relate to those experiences—I seemed to have more in common with the former Christian who left the faith than with Christian apologists. I found that atheist arguments made more sense and were much less refutable than Christian apologetics. Worse, I began to see that some of the problems we’d had on the mission field could be better explained by assuming there was no god.

I had never seen hard evidence that there is no God. But in all my time in remote Africa, giving my all and wholly devoting myself to God, I had never seen anything that would have happened differently if there was no god. No unexplained miracles, no prophesies or revelations, nothing at all without a material explanation.

There are many reasons I would call myself an atheist. I will try to list the biggest ones on my other blog, and in the future write more regarding each topic. I still can't decide if I will do most of my blogging on this site or at Wordpress.

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Comment by Physeter on April 6, 2013 at 6:33pm

 It is only when someone is removed from the flock that they can spend time analysing their beliefs and whatever doubts they may have. This is also why Theists or at least those in charge of the flock dislike “doubt” so much.

Yeah, doubt is fine, as long as it drives you deeper into that flock. Sure, we understand that you're feeling doubt -- everybody does! -- but you need to get over those doubts. Read your Bible more. Pray more. Don't let your mind go into those bad places or read those books that make a strong case against your faith. Just keep digging in until you can't form a coherent doubt anymore.

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