When you actually know what I believe then you can comment!

  Every time my boyfriend meets someone new, he tells that person that I am Wiccan.  There are several reasons this is not good!  First and most importantly, I am not Wiccan, I am Atheist I believe in some of the principals of a variety of faiths/or traditions, but the basis of those beliefs is not religious, rather it is humanistic.  It is the basic principals most humans value, things like trying to be kind to others, not lieing, being ethical, working hard, trying to learn new things, being good stewards of the earth, not killing anyone, that sort of thing.  I believe in the power of the natural world, and of cosmic forces in the universe.  This leads him to believe that I somehow believe in magic crystals and fairies. 

Another thing that bothers me about this is that he thinks he should just go about telling others about my faith, he also tell others my political views, and my position on abortion, how much I make.  I don't tell others what he thinks, or about private matters. 

I have asked him not to say anything about me to other people, but he does not respect that.  I have also told him repeatedly that I am NOT Wiccan.  Why does he refuse to accept that?  I think maybe he can't wrap his mind around someone just not having a religious affiliation. 

I might be wrong, but maybe it is due to his being from Texas and raised in a typical Texas way, (based on the stereotypes, and on what he has told me about his family) I believe that he may have a very hard time dealing with his own confusion about religion.  He has expressed that he tried a lot of different sects of Christianity but that none of them really fit the bill for him so to speak.  He has really been confused by family members to the point that he has no idea what to believe, but I think he feels obligated to believe in something, or that he needs the false sense of stability that Christianity tries to instill. 

To that end maybe he thinks that everyone needs to believe in something and that is why he tries to categorize me into some sort of faith.

The confusion is within him not within me!  I have tried to explain my views several times.  What more can I do to help him understand that A. Don't tell people things about me that are not true!  and B.  Don't try to indoctrinate me into any sort of faith!

Views: 316

Comment by SteveInCO on January 20, 2013 at 4:59pm

I have asked him not to say anything about me to other people, but he does not respect that. 

This rings gigantic alarm bells.  Unable to comprehend atheism and a naturalistic world view is one thing.  But he refuses to respect your wishes on personal matters.  That's only going to be trouble down the road.

I rarely give such bald advice as this but:  If this is truly indicative of the way he treats you, then dump him.

Comment by Sarah Jane Hall on January 20, 2013 at 5:06pm

I think he wants me to be relateable to people but doesn't understand that in face to face communications I am introverted.  Plus I don't like for people to think things about me that are not even correct. 

Comment by Strega on January 20, 2013 at 5:47pm

Hi Sarah

Sounds like your fella needs a label for your belief system, and as you aren't giving him a clear one, he is going with the nearest he can get to what little he has understood.

Gallup's Mirror posted a link to the Humanist Manifesto III in another thread a while back, so I've trawled through to find it for you.  Here is the link

It sounds to me like this is a label, since he needs to have one, that you might be more comfortable with; indeed it may very well capture your deeper thoughts, although that was not my primary intent.  If you think it is a better description for you than Wiccan, you could print it out and hand it to him and tell him if he is going to talk about your beliefs he ought to read it and understand, and use the term "Humanist" from now on.

As for what Steve said, I'm thinking along the same lines.  If this guy doesn't understand how to respect your wishes on this front, he may well have a problem respecting your wishes on any front - not good building materials for a long-term partnership.  Food for thought, maybe.

Comment by Sarah Jane Hall on January 20, 2013 at 9:51pm

Thank you very much Strega.  I have really enjoyed your posts!  I read what you linked me to and posted it to Facebook!  For me posting something to Facebook is high praise indeed.

Comment by _Robert_ on January 21, 2013 at 3:26am

Maybe if you introduce him as an orthodox Jew or something, he'll get the point. The A word scares him, after all even satin himself believes in god.

Comment by Reg The Fronkey Farmer on January 21, 2013 at 4:50am

I would go further and suggest that this is a form of abusive behaviour, especially if you are only together a while. It is not that he is publicly telling others what you think but if he does this when you are present he is telling you in public that he is claiming the right to do so. This is not teamwork. It is abuse. Then again I may be completely mistaken but……..

Comment by Kairan Nierde on January 21, 2013 at 11:46am

It appears he is not too bright.  He doesn't listen to you.  He doesn't repsect your wishes. 

Why are you with him? I hope at least that he is good in bed.

Comment by Logicallunatic on January 21, 2013 at 12:10pm

Not to be too blunt but he sounds like a prick. You need to confront him 'in his face' and tell him about your atheism and your wish that he not misrepresent it in the company of others. A cathartic sort of argument may be needed to iron out the creases and if that fails then I'd just just drop him. 

Comment by Val Wuthrich on January 21, 2013 at 2:25pm
Exactly, the title of your post is spot on. Sorry! But I just have to say it... Theistic people tend to be anti-naturalistic, you get what I'm trying to say. I myself find myself talking to people about religion, mostly because they are close to me or they come to me to "Convert" me to their Religion. I have read more on religion than most most religious people have. I have read and studied all their books, yet they will not read one of the books that I offer them to read. After I have hand them one of the more telling books, they throw it down like it is burning hot, we're talkin burn in hell hot! They won't even open it up! All I can say to myself is what kind of fantasy is one living in, that they won't even look at book, just one book that may lead them away from "God". I could go on but I think I've enlightened enough for today. Peace be with you.

OH, one more thing I think most Religious people are in the dark for two main reasons. Reason 1: They are oppressed by a theocratic government or, Reason 2: They are just ignorant and apathetic. Sorry!

One more thing, I'm an Atheist, I'm not a "Devil" worshiper, I don't hate God (I used to when I was a Christian), but now nothing.
Comment by Sarah Jane Hall on January 21, 2013 at 3:28pm

Wow I didn't mean to make him sound so terrible and awful.  He's not abusive he's just not very smart.


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