what do i believe in? (part 46-a)

this is one of many blogs on my ideas about god, and it's rather long. but just remember god is a personal thing so this is from a personal perspective, so there is no right or wrong when it comes to god, it's just that most people are so SMALL minded when it comes to god... especially the ones who claim to believe *in* god!


atheism to me, I should clarify, is not the denial of god(s). sure that can be part of it , depending on the circumstances, but... the way I see it, is that if you deny something, you lend credence to the possibility of it's existence, or that you actually do *hate* or have some gripe against this something and you deny it to make it go away. which does work with god by the way, seeing how I used to hate god for all the stupid things that god let happen to me, and to the world. (angry teenage years, long story)

if you truly didn't believe in the existence of god, you wouldn't deny *or* affirm it, as you wouldn't waste your breathe, atheism to me is the neutral position. NEITHER YEA nor NAY.

As an example: an atheist talking about and going on about god, is akin to a "straight" guy going on about homosexuals, and what do we know about straight guys that go on about gays? They are either gay and won't admit it to themselves (in spite of everyone else thinking they were gay), or they are worried that they are gay and saying "I am not gay!" is merely an affirmation or a mantra they use to make the gay go away (LOL), or they are worried that they don't seem manly enough.

Sooooo... anyone going on about god, especially if they are not prompted to talk about the subject, like me, is probably a closet believer in there being at least some sort of thing out there in the universe that qualifies at least partially as god. like me, they probably won't admit it to themselves, let alone say it out loud, unlike me.

Atheism to me is the complete lack of any thought or speculation at all about god, AT ALL...

an atheist wouldn't spend hours over days and weeks and months writing blogs like this that contemplate what is god and an atheist certainly wouldn't emotionally act out over someone's opinion of god because any story about god is complete and utter fiction to an atheist.

When somebody talks to an atheist about god, I would expect the atheist to go "meh! whatever..."

And as such, by this strict definition of an atheist, i don't qualify myself as being an atheist, i don't believe i've ever called myself an atheist, except for about a month, two years ago when i first got onto Myspaz. (and that was just to be part of the crowd)

but i am getting used to the lax interpretation of the term atheist, but to demonstrate how I thought an atheist would think:: think of someone who truly believes in something you know to be incredibly absurd, say, the whole universe revolves around the earth, once every 24hrs..

to show you how STUPID that idea actually is, and this is exactly what ppl thought for hundreds of years, the following would have to be true: everything beyond the orbit of Neptune would need to be going faster than the speed of light in order to travel the distance it needs to go around the Earth every 24hrs.

so the mere concept of the universe revolving around the earth is something so bizarre, that when you think about how impossible it is, you feel compelled to *face*palm*... it's not something that you would think about, because it's SO fucking ridiculous you don't even try to evaluate the mere concept in the first place.

that's how I thought atheists would think in regard to god, the point is, an atheist would find the whole concept of god so stupid that it would never occur to the atheist to think about it in anything more than a passing thought!

so all my bizarre rants about god, for my mind, disqualify me from being a true atheist...


but it seems i was sort of wrong though, as "atheists" these days go around saying "fuck you god", and "stick it up your arse god" and "god gives good head", "Jesus is gay!"
and other such silly things that they must be just saying to see if they get struck down or something, because taunting a god that they supposedly don't think exists, is a bit like yelling at ghosts...
so because of my constant contemplations about god, it makes me consider myself un-atheist.. *face*palms* .. unatheist? .. *rolls*eyes* ... yep...

but truth be known I BELIEVE IN THE ONE *TRUE* GOD.... whatever that is... and since god can never been known, that statement means nothing...

try that on the fundies.. don't tell them the punch line obviously... they'll ask: what is this god's name? (they will think it's Satan!) and then you say: "BLASPHEMY!! one does not speak what one can not know, the *Very* name of god is nothing worthy of a mere mortal. It would take an aeon to just say the name of god anyway" or "god does not make such things known to mortals" or "god has no known name" ... be creative

in other words, i don't know what to believe... I do like to speculate but i don't care to believe in intangible beings that seem rather inferior and too limited for the likes of things called "god"... ppl think to small when it comes to god, "god made the universe? what else did it do? this *is* god we're talking about, so what else has it done? it's been around *forever* and it's *only* made the universe? but it's *god*??? this god has been around for trillions of years but the only thing it's done was this six days creating stuff? YAWN!"

I like to place my trust in real things... like The Force!


i don't believe *in* god. i don't believe *in* science. i don't believe *in* you, I don't believe *in* me. I don't believe *IN* anything what so ever....

oh wait! did I say I don't believe in *me*? i try to believe in myself - but that's a personal problem - and yes that may just be exactly how i came to this line of thinking - but the way i see "believing in" things is this, you have to have 100% trust in that something, to believe *in* that something..

that's what faith is, right?

the religious keep claiming their god is absolute and their faith is absolute, and that nothing can shake their faith in god, right? so isn't "faith" 100% trust in something? and when it comes to god, that trust is completely blind.

well... that's the theory.. and remember religion and god are TWO DIFFERENT things

what I'd like to believe, is that the universe is god and that we should all worship it, but not with prayers and silly rituals, we should worship it by respecting it! And seeing how we are all part of the universe, we can start by respecting each other as equals, as we are all, technically part of god.

So being the only sentient beings in the universe that we know of, we make up the collective conscious mind of god.


the only thing you can have trust in 100% fully, is something that you make up yourself.

Why *else* are we *so* devastated when the perfect person for us doesn't want us any more or even at all in the first place? This idea of this person who is perfect for us in every way, actually turns out to be .... *wrong* .... *GASPS*FOR*AIR* NO!!!

But why is that if you never spoken to them or even met them? how can someone who you've had little to no personal interaction with, possibly have any sort of control over you??

Because *EVERYTHING* we "know" and *LIKE* about that person, WE MADE IT UP.

more than that, WE MADE UP WHAT WE WANTED THAT PERSON TO BE, as we didn't just make an educated guess about so and so and consider what was possible with this person - we made up the very first thing that we wanted to have as an "attribute" of this person - we made it such that in our minds, this person is our honey, our lover, our world, the very air we breathe.

But the truth is that this person wouldn't think twice about you, or ever, they wouldn't even recognise you if they passed you in the street. They might think "who's that freak staring at me?" and promptly forget about you two minutes later.

Is not god is an extreme version of this made up lover/friend??

That something that you keep having trust in 100% of the time is only trustworthy because *you* keep changing it's parameters to meet *your* needs on the fly, or *you* alter and filter out external concepts that contradict this thing *you* admire - eg. Jesus says to love everyone, so why do ppl still have problems with homosexuals? she filed a restraining order against you, so she **must** be playing hard to get...

ie. we see what we want to see...

So it would seem that the absolute god of the religious NUTTERS, is created relativistically and on the fly as the need arises, and this absolute god, is probably uniquely created by every person who is a believer, in much the same way that someone loves someone else that they have never even spoken to before.

Sure, all christians may have a *similar* god, with *similar* properties and they might just all call it the same thing ie. "god".. but I suspect that there are hundreds of thousands of different versions of this "same" god, possibly even millions.

It'd be good if we could do a survey of ten million christians to see just how many properties of god they can list to see just how different each person regards their god.

An absolute god would have the exact same answers for every survey completed if these were true followers of god, right?

this is one of many reasons why i can not believe "in" any religion - i don't listen to anyone else about anything, not without making up my own mind about it first, not unless I'm shown the facts... so I am certainly not going to make religion exempt from the logic chip on my shoulder.

Or if I don't get a strong grasp of some concept in science (relatively, evolution rah rah rah), I won't accept it completely either, no way! those things go into the "I'll figure that shit out later" bucket, however, I do NOT stress over not knowing or if these "sciences" are incomplete.

For example it's often claim that there are gaps in evolution, so what! what science is 100% completely explained? Figuring this shit out is the FUN thing about science!! I certainly won't claim the slightest bit faith in something I have no understanding or knowledge of whatsoever, so why pretend to be religious if i'm just going to go with what I want to do anyway?

i mean after all, the religious quite often claim god's morals are absolute, the "word" of god is absolute, god's power is absolute, god this absolute, god that absolute.. yadda yadda yadda ... don't take my word for it, just ask them!!

so i say let's hold the fuckers to their "absolutes" .. i love the word 'absolute' as it qualifies the word it describes

eg. "absolute darkness" == 100% darkness

it leaves no room for even the slightest bit of light... it may be a pitch black dark night, but the stars are out, nope, that's not absolute darkness. The same is claimed of the "absolute" word of god... it's 100% infallible!! but that's not how it really is, is it?

the religious claim a "perfect" god, with a "perfect" word. These are absolutes, show me one absolute that's not exclusively in your mind. Eg. Absolute Zero, that's the coldest temp possible, but to my knowledge, it's never actually been achieved, has it? Even the coldest parts of space are a degree or two above absolute zero. So while absolute zero may actually exist, and may actually be possible, the only place it can possibly be achieved is in somebody's imagination because that's the only place the conditions to create absolute zero could exist.

So indeed if one full stop is half missing from this perfect word of god, then this perfect word is a lie, is it not?


But technicalities (honest mistranslations, spelling mistakes) are irrelevant as to why any scripture from any religion claiming to be the word of god is a lie...

The religious "word of god" is often written in parables and metaphors with cryptic references to a period in time where much of the events that have been and gone, have been lost to us forever.

So even if some religious text was indeed the actual literal "word" of god, human interpretation is vague and unreliable, therefore humankind itself renders this perfect "word" of god a lie because a perfect word of god would be interpreted how god meant it to be interpreted by every single person, the same way, who read it every single time, the same way, because it's supposed to be *perfect*. How can it be perfect if it's misunderstood?

if god wanted ppl to follow him and praise him - he should have insisted on the use of words with one or two syllables with the occasional three syllable word every now and then, no parables, no cryptic puzzles, no occasional genocides, "scripture" would be dumbarse proof... (and god wouldn't be so fucking angry all the time.)

but that's not how it is, because if it was that simple, god could then truly claim to hate those that deliberately reject it's word, as no-one would have an excuse for not understanding this "Word", because if they didn't get it, they would be dumbarsed ignorant morons.


take special note of the I don't believe '"*IN*"' bit... believing *IN* something requires you to make assumptions to fill in the "gaps", and how do we as humans fill in those gaps?

we fill in the gaps with our knowledge - with our emotions, we fill in those gaps with ourselves - with our own personal experiences - with how we *want* those gaps to be filled - often with massive bias in favour of our own egos and often lacking practical or common sense.

i believe that's why people can out right lie and call god or god's word "perfect" ... because the bits of scripture that don't make sense or they haven't read, or have misread, it's *all* perfect to them because that's how their god works.

This is what we have all been told, god is *perfect* - of course god is perfect - if it wasn't perfect - it's not god. Which makes me wonder why we need to state that god is perfect, the word "god" should already defined to include the definition "perfect" by default.

*Whatever* interpretation the religious make of their god is "perfect" because their absolute god will always be "perfect" in their relativistic minds - and god is just a detached bit of someone's ego that claims itself to be the "perfect god"...

So of course god is perfect - it can never fail - and if it's not perfect enough - it can become *more* perfect! Such is the nature of the bias humans have toward things they worship. Girls, boys, god, whatever...

god, is only in the mind, so calling a god that is attached to a religion, "perfect", is probably one of the most arrogant things anyone can say, as that person is calling a part of themselves, to be "god", a "perfect" god at that ... they are claiming a bit of their *OWN* egos as perfect, and what is more selfish than that?

and if there really is a god, attaching a religion to it implies that that particular religion is *the* religion - it's *god* after all - but that puts a "limit" on god, does it not?

god supposedly has no limits, so isn't it reasonable to think that attaching a god to a religion, negates the all powerfulness of this god? does not attaching a religion to god, in fact, insult the very concept of god? does not attaching a worldly thing to a god, drag that god down to our level?

Or does it perhaps, elevate the believer up closer to becoming god themselves? Which would imply that the believer, elevates themselves above the non-believer, which is *exactly* what the religious do...

"You need to believe in Jesus, or you're going to hell" is merely religious speak for "I'm better than you because I believe in Jesus!" ... (replace "Jesus" in the previous sentence with your favourite deity as necessary)

This *must* be why people often react in outbursts when their god is questioned, we are offending the bit of their brain that thinks it's god, it's a very personal and shocking insult to have your mighty and infallible and perfect god annihilated in one sentence

the same thing probably happened with that friend of yours when you were a kid that your parents told you was no good, but you stuck up for this friend anyway.. this is also similar to when a husband who beats his wife and yet this particular wife sticks up for their husband when someone has a go at him, "oh but he loves me!" ... Yeah, great logic... if you are put down, beaten, insulted, whatever by this god/person, but then you act out to defend them when someone else attacks them, well that's just not healthy..

This god seems to have a very strong control over those who lash out, leading to the my conclusion that this god is closely linked to the fear centre of the brain.

This bit of their ego, protects them, religious god(s) are an emotional shield for the weak minded, driven by fear, and fear, is the path to the Dark Side, which sounds somewhat corny, but Yoda knows his shit! LOL!

look at the things that ppl do in the name of their god - a fully conscious rational mind would not do these nut-zoid things and yes ppl *just* go crazy and that has nothing to do with religion at all, but Jesus H Christ!! - the news stories of people who merely "just" go crazy are few and far between as compared to ppl who did some crazy religious literal thing that they were inspired to do because of their holy scripture...

we've all heard tales of religious morons.. the guy that kept woman in a toilet for months, coz he wanted to give god a chance to revive her (he wanted to give god a *chance* implies not much faith in that god); that woman who killed her children before they sinned so they would get into heaven (didn't she trust her god to instruct her children in raising decent kids?); the guy who cut his hand off for sinning with it; that dude who wouldn't get a small tumour operated upon because it's against his religion to have a blood transfusion, that tumour grew to be the bulk of his head (yeah god fucked up my face, who are *I* to go have god's shoddy work corrected?)... heaps of them

We attempt to fill in the gaps with ourselves, with our *feelings*, with our *experience*. We believe *IN* things because we are inspired by our feelings. Someone can tell you that they love you, and you can love them in return merely for showing you that much love, but it's their actions that speak loudest to actually make you believe that they do indeed love you.

Like believing in yourself, belief in god has to be balanced as well, the best religious people, do NOT dwell over their Messiahs and their gods, they are too busy living the life that their all loving god wants them to live.


Now with god, *everything* is filled in with our feelings, with what we *feel* to be the right thing, especially with our fears. Seriously, what thing written about god isn't speculation? So isn't everything possibly 'known' about god, something someone made up?

fear of dying? god deals with that shit, so let's shove that bunch of yucky thoughts over to live with the bit of our ego we call god, no worries, fear of loss? fear of the unknown? just shove all of those icky thoughts over to this detached god ego thing, so god can look after it.. no wucking furries, sawright?

now this may work in a relatively pleasant society, where ppl tend to get along, but when religious opinions mix freely, expect some serious out pouring of this acting out on fears, I've seen it, if you're reading this online then u probably have seen it too, again it's that small 1% that are being as loud as the other 99% christians that are too busy minding their own business.

the inverse religious fundamentalist law... the disproportionate religious extremist factor, the theory that speculates that it is indeed the loudest, the craziest, the most extreme 1% of any religion, that can and do speak and act as much and as loudly and as often as the other 99% combined.

Every fundamentalist is driven by their "god ego", so when confronted with a blatant contradiction, the need to act out is paramount to create some sort of retribution to punish those who have sinned against their god in order to protect that fragile ego, ie. them and their ego in a sort of "dog chasing it's own tail" dance, sort of like a "mental feedback" loop..


everything about god is speculation, because if it's not, then feel free to show me this non-speculation of god...

and no, the clouds are not evidence of god, your feelings are not evidence of god either.

When your god is actually your ego, god is self referring, like the bible is the word of god, because the bible says so..

nut case believers who believe in god, do so because their ego tells them to believe in god, but god *is* in their ego, no wonder the religious don't realise what they do...

if I believed "in" a god being, I would be believing in a detached bit of my ego, what is more self righteous than that?

I do, however, believe there *could* be a god. But in saying that, however, not one idea i've heard about god does justice to the concept of "god". I'm of the opinion, "god made the universe you say, is that it?"

I do accept that most of the knowledge that science presents to us, is indeed our best explanation for the universe around us, AT THE MOMENT. But I don't believe *IN* science, as that implies I would be devastated if it actually was wrong, or didn't exist, or was just in my imagination, as my faith would be removed like a jet suddenly losing it's engines, I would be in free fall, I would be without a soul if i was detached from my precious god...


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