My now super religious sister has been dating this 100% religious jersey shore tool for the past year. Whom I personally can’t stand, even before I found out that he once told my sister that he had to think of younger, prettier women to just have sex with her… because she is to old looking.
So last night while in a meeting at work, I get this text from my sister saying, “YAY, you have a new Brother in-law”…. Floored would be a complete understatement considering I had just talked to her last Thursday and she said nothing about getting married. What followed was for me one of the stupidest text conversations I have ever had.
Me: SO I take it u got married, when?
Sister: This Saturday!
Me: Did u at least tell mom, or anyone else?
Sister: NO, I didn’t want ne gin vy!!!
Me: Are u trying to say, negativity?
Me: ……. U do realize their all going to be pissed; u could have told them something, anything to pacify them u know.
Sister: Can you talk to them for me?
Me: No, not my mistake to fix dork! So why did u get married? Couldn’t u wait and have a wedding where u oh I dunno maybe inform people.
Sister: NO, I couldn’t wait that long.
Sister: He said the guilt from having sex was too much for him.
Me: ….. UMMM, WTF are u talking about? What’s that got to do with marriage?
Sister: DUHH it goes against God having sex before u are married!!!! So he said we wouldn’t have sex anymore, till we married.
Me: Have u lost ur mind? How’s that a reason to marry? U 2 have been humping without a care all year! If ur God hasn’t shot u in the ass with a lightning bolt by now I doubt he cares.
Sister: See I knew not to tell u since you hate God so much!!!
Me: U got me there, how stupid of me to hate something I don’t even think exists… Almost as dumb as marrying someone for sex…
Seriously I just can’t even make sense of something like that. I just hate to see people waste a perfectly good life.