I was looking at some things I wrote in 2006-'07, and I found this. It made me smile all over again. It was written in response to some asshat's inquiry about, "Just why WON'T you believe in God?"
Top Ten Reasons Why I Can’t Just Believe in God:
10. I think wings would make my butt look big.
9. I spent way too many Sunday mornings hung over and broke to ever be able to make it to church regularly.
8. Jonathan Davis says God is a lie.
7. I’d have to stop telling my favorite dyslexia joke (What do agnostic, dyslexic, insomniacs do all night? They stay awake wondering whether or not there really is a dog.) *Apologies in advance to any dyslexics, insomniacs, agnostics, or Gods who may have been offended.
6. Two Words: Beer Volcano
5. If I do decide to believe in God, I’ll do it because I want to and not because you told me I had to.
4. I’m way too busy trying to be a good person and lead a meaningful life.
3. Three Words: Tammy Faye Baker
2. God came to me in a dream and told me he didn’t exist, and then he turned into a Galapagos iguana and dove into the ocean.
1. I can’t possibly believe in the same God that Rush Limbaugh does.