Top Ten Reasons Why I Just Can't Believe In God

I was looking at some things I wrote in 2006-'07, and I found this.  It made me smile all over again.  It was written in response to some asshat's inquiry about, "Just why WON'T you believe in God?"

Top Ten Reasons Why I Can’t Just Believe in God:

10. I think wings would make my butt look big.

9. I spent way too many Sunday mornings hung over and broke to ever be able to make it to church regularly.

8. Jonathan Davis says God is a lie.

7. I’d have to stop telling my favorite dyslexia joke (What do agnostic, dyslexic, insomniacs do all night? They stay awake wondering whether or not there really is a dog.) *Apologies in advance to any dyslexics, insomniacs, agnostics, or Gods who may have been offended.

6. Two Words: Beer Volcano

5. If I do decide to believe in God, I’ll do it because I want to and not because you told me I had to.

4. I’m way too busy trying to be a good person and lead a meaningful life.

3. Three Words: Tammy Faye Baker

2. God came to me in a dream and told me he didn’t exist, and then he turned into a Galapagos iguana and dove into the ocean.

1. I can’t possibly believe in the same God that Rush Limbaugh does.  

Views: 99

Comment by kOrsan on June 9, 2012 at 5:08pm

*Apologies in advance to any dyslexics, insomniacs, agnostics, or Gods who may have been offended.

Hey what about the dogs?

Comment by Rob the Ridiculous on June 9, 2012 at 8:14pm

8. Jonathan Davis says God is a lie.

Jonathan Davis is proof that (rock) Gods exist.

Comment by Diane on June 9, 2012 at 9:01pm

Korsan, you are right!  I officially apologize to any and all dogs who may have been offended.  

Rob - I was stuck at a traffic light in a little seaside village in Maine about 11 years ago in my conservative-looking tan Volvo wagon.  I had to laugh at myself and my boyfriend when I realized we had All In The Family blaring, had the windows down, and were happily singing along.  Oops!  

Comment by Rob the Ridiculous on June 11, 2012 at 6:27am

@Diane,

Rock on! Even in a Volvo ;)

Comment by Diane on June 11, 2012 at 8:47pm

Well, it was a Turbo.  : )

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