Top Hat/Junk Shot don't work...next logical step.....Jesus?

Ello peeps,

Once again the "fine" state of Louisiana and its government remind us that being shaped like a boot and Mardi Gras are the only cool things about their state.

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2010/06/20/gulf-solution-sight-lousiana-turns-prayer/

Personally I'd question whether being shaped like a boot is really even that cool, but I'm from the state shaped like a mitten that's trying to give Canada a high-five, so I'm biased. Yes ladies and gentiles, our bible bimbo friends from the south have decided that their imaginary friend in the sky is the only hope left to solve this crisis. Personally, I think that Santa Claus would be the more appropriate one to summon, not that he has the whit or power to find a solution, we just need something better than shredded tires and golf balls to jam in the pipe and block the flow, and as we know from our ancient books of good ole' Jolly St Nick, Santa has a history in that department.

Our Jesus freaks from the south have decided that the one man who couldn't stop this from happening in the first place is the one man we should count on now. Never mind that he isn't real, let's just humor ourselves for a New York minute. Assuming the non-deistic god hypothesis is correct (baaaaahahahahaha.....one sec....haaaahahaha..lol..lol), then what exactly can this impotent, I mean, omnipotent deity do. Better yet, why did he allow it to happen in the first place? He's clearly not omniscient; cause if he is then he's either busy taking care of Zeus (refer to my last post), or he doesn't give one shit, let alone two shits. Not to constantly shoot this arrow, but perhaps there were one too many homosexuals on the rig? Well c'mon god, that should be excusable, we all know it get's lonely at sea and mermaids hate oil workers. Perhaps god is getting pissed. In all reality he probably liked the dinosaurs and plankton from the Jurassic period a lot, and now we are digging up their precious, liquid graves. They did dominate the world for over 165 million years which, quite frankly, makes us look like unwelcome in-laws at this point. Really we don't even need to entertain all of this. We already know that prayer does not work because there isn't a single legit study proving it, and one of the largest studies of its kind in regards to prayer found that having people pray for heart bypass surgery patients had no effect on their recovery. In fact, patients who knew they were being prayed for had a slightly higher rate of complications (pressure to perform well, apparently).

It really baffles me, in general, that people believe in prayer. If prayer works then that means that god can get his hands physically involved into our daily lives. This not only gives something that can be experimentally tested (does the outcome of a situation involved with prayer differ from that without in any significant statistical manner), but it also raises many questions about the evil that is so prevalent in our world. This, of course, is nothing new, the problem of evil, and I don't wish to rehash old philosophical arguments about the Knievel that is evil here. What if god can get involved, but he can only handle small issues? To run along the lines of Stewart, I can picture us summoning god and he says "You try capping it with a giant metal box? Oh you did...What about shredded tires and golf balls? Jesus Christ, that didn't work?!" He then proceeds to answering prayers in regards to something simple like letting the United States win a soccer game (although I don't really know that that's much easier to grant?). As I've said in my last post, if he can physically meddle with our world then he's the epitome of incompetence!

Views: 5

Comment by EricT on June 24, 2010 at 5:21pm
Well god certainly showed those birds. That'll be the last time they shit on his cloud!

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