Note, Hadiths are the sayings of Muhammad piss be upon him,

 

and now lest start the top 10...

 

10. Narrated ‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar:

I heard Allah’s Apostle saying, “People are just like camels, out of one hundred, one can hardly find a single camel suitable to ride.”

 

9. Narrated Abu Huraira:

If you want to put on your shoes, put on the right shoe first; and if you want to take them off, take the left one first. Let the right shoe be the first to be put on and the last to be taken off.”

 

8. Narrated ‘Abdul ‘Aziz:

It was said to Anas “What did you hear the Prophet saying about garlic?” Anas replied, “Whoever has eaten (garlic) should not approach our mosque.”

 

7. Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas:

The Prophet said, “If anyone of you on having sexual relations with his wife said (and he must say it before starting) ‘In the name of Allah. O Allah! Protect us from Satan and also protect what you bestow upon us (i.e. the coming offspring) from Satan, and if it is destined that they should have a child then, Satan will never be able to harm that offspring.”


6. Narrated Anas bin Malik: 


 The Prophet said, “Allah puts an angel in charge of the uterus and the angel says, ‘O Lord, (it is) semen! O Lord, (it is now ) a clot! O Lord, (it is now) a piece of flesh.’ And then, if Allah wishes to complete its creation, the angel asks, ‘O Lord, (will it be) a male or a female? A wretched (an evil doer) or a blessed (doer of good)? How much will his provisions be? What will his age be?’ So all that is written while the creature is still in the mother’s womb.”

 

5. Narrated Abu Huraira:

The Prophet said, “Isn’t he who raises his head before the Imam afraid that Allah may transform his head into that of a donkey or his figure (face) into that of a donkey?”

 

4. Narrated Ibn Umar:

 Allah’s Apostle said, “When the (upper) edge of the sun appears (in the morning), don’t perform a prayer till the sun appears in full, and when the lower edge of the sun sets, don’t perform a prayer till it sets completely. And you should not seek to pray at sunrise or sunset for the sun rises between two sides of the head of the devil (or Satan).”

3. Narrated Anas:


The Prophet said, “Whoever has seen me in a dream, then no doubt, he has seen me, for Satan cannot imitate my shape"


2. Narrated ‘Abdullah :

A person was mentioned before the Prophet (p.b.u.h.) and he was told that he had kept on sleeping till morning and had not got up for the prayer. The Prophet said, “Satan urinated in his ears.”

 

1. Narrated Abu Huraira:

 The Prophet said, “If anyone of you rouses from sleep and performs the ablution, he should wash his nose by putting water in it and then blowing it out thrice, because Satan has stayed in the upper part of his nose all the night.”

Views: 2186

Tags: 10, Funny, Hadith, Islamic, Top

Comment by Dave Gibbs on October 23, 2011 at 5:17pm

I used saline solution. Satan was not coming out easily with just regular water.

Comment by Hany on October 24, 2011 at 3:41am

hahahaha... 

Do you know what's Thunder & Lightning in Islam?

 

Prophet Mohamed was asked once (by jews who wants to make sure he is indeed Allah's messenger) 

“Oh Messenger! What is this thunder that we hear?”

 

He Replied:

“This thunder comes from one of the angels, from one of Allah’s many angels. Ra’d is the name of the angel that Allah has appointed to drive the clouds with a whip of lightening.”

 

So they again asked:

“Oh Messenger! What is the thunder we hear?” 

 

The Holy Last Messenger, replied:

“You can say it is the voice of the Angel Ra’d.” 

 

When the shepherd rounds up the herds of cattle, he produces loud sounds to drive the animals on. So, Ra’d, the angel, also uses a loud sound to drive the clouds on. He also uses a whip made of lightening.

 

However, this is one of the ancient Greek legends.

Comment by Kairan Nierde on October 24, 2011 at 4:11am

Lol, this is pretty great. 

Comment by Matthew on October 24, 2011 at 9:43pm
I know it's not Hadith, but I like sura 67:5 "and we have (from old) adorned the lowest heavens with lamps, and we have made such lamps as missiles to shoot at satans."
Comment by Hope on October 25, 2011 at 7:40am

Thank you all,

@Hany, Thunder & Lightning yes this is also another comedy :)

here is another Hadith describing winter and summer,
Allah's Apostle (piss be upon him ) said,

"The (hell) Fire complained to its Lord
saying, 'O my Lord!
My different parts eat up each other
(due to intense flaming).'

So, He Allah allowed it to take two breaths,
one in the winter
and the other in summer,
and this is the reason for the severe heat
and the bitter cold you find (in weather).

 

@Matthew, this sura 67:5 was describing meteors! hilarious!

Comment by Kemal on October 25, 2011 at 4:59pm

To be fair, anyone who's been to a mosque (or any other large gathering of people) will tell you that number 8 makes sense.  Another version of it mentions onions.

Comment by Hope on October 26, 2011 at 5:05pm

yeah I agree I'm not a fan of onions or garlic! hehe :D

Comment by archaeopteryx on October 8, 2012 at 1:29pm

FYI - both onions and garlic contain cancer-fighting chemicals, plus, they taste good in cooking!

Comment by Hope on October 8, 2012 at 1:33pm

@archaeopteryx So true :)

Comment by Simon Paynton on October 8, 2012 at 1:54pm

Hope, are you sure you mean the exact wording of your p.b.u.h.?  The two words sound the same but have dramatically different meanings. 

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