I have been thinking about something for about two years now and i just want to know everyone's opinion on the matter.  This is a touchy topic for a lot of people but I am really into having my own opinions on things and i want to know if my opinion is crazy.... and maybe after hearing other opinions, my feelings will change.  Okay... so i was thinking about pedophiles and i was trying to basically get inside the mind of someone who is, by definition, "attracted to children sexually" and basically what i came up with is...a man or woman being attracted to a child is just as uncontrolable as a gay man's attraction to men or a lesbian's attraction to women or a straight man's attraction to women or a straight woman's attraction to men. The difference is that sex with children is totally and comletely wrong! What got me thinking about this topic in this light was having a gay guy and a lesbian for my two best friends. They both came out to me and they both spoke about their fears of coming out, and how their desires felt like sins and their thoughts were forcefully covered with fake thoughts of heterosexual relationships. They longed for "normalcy" and approval and when they realized that they couldn't hide behind lies and unanswered prayers anymore... they came out. I thought about it a lot and felt so badly for them and eventually began to try to make connections...and i ended up giving some thought to pedophiles.  For the first tome in my life i entertained the idea that pedophiles are not monsters.  I started to think that maybe pedophiles don't want to be attracted to children just like my friends didn't want to be attracted to anyone of the same sex. I remembered my gay male friend talking about porn and trying to make himself watch the girl instead of the guy... and for a long time he swept it under the rug.. until he began to watch gay porn only... it was then that he realized he couldn't hide from himself. I then thought of a pedophile by a public swimming pool, watching the stay-at-home mothers get some sun while their kids cool off in the pool on a hot summer day.  I thought of him trying to force himself to look at the mothers instead of the children...and he can't.  That was the first time i had ever felt empathy for a "monster".  The sad part is that if they turn their thoughts into actions like the rest of us do... they are criminals and they have to live with that and realize that they  can never live out their fantasies....which is a good thing but it is sad for them. after i thought about like this, i saw a movie that pretty much summed up what i had been questioning. It's called "little children" (excellent...see it).  It just got me thinking more and more about the mentality of sexual offenders and criminals and murderers. I want to get inside their heads. I can't imagine such a battle with youself and your feelings. Please don't think that i'm saying that sex with little kids is okay because "they can't help how they feel".... I am most definitely not saying that! All i'm saying is that the idea of it is more sad than i ever took the time to realize. I just wanna know what you think about it... and if anyone else has thought about it like this. I hope i haven't offended anyone and i hope i've made some sense...

Views: 121

Comment by Apple on April 9, 2011 at 2:11pm

Yes, I agree with what you are saying.  I'm sure there are a lot more paedophiles out there than just the ones we know about, but we will never know because they would never say anything or do anything. 

I have thought about it this way before: imagine there was a straight heterosexual man but he had some horrible deformity on his face, so nobody would ever have sex with him.  (Let's not take prostitutes into consideration here)  If he really wanted to have sex, he could always try to drug a young lady, or simply force himself on her.  But he wouldn't do that because he's a good person, and just because his body desires sex with a woman doesn't mean that he wants to hurt anyone in order to get it.  For this kind of person the sex drive is just a painful agony which causes extra unnecessary stress.  Surely, given his current condition, it would be much easier not to have a sex drive but it is there none the less. 

Our sexual desires are not something that we can control.  What's important is that we come to terms with who we are, at least within ourselves, if not to other people.  Also, we need to make sure that we respect each other.  If everyone could just put their respect for others above their own personal sexual desires then none of this would ever be a problem.  Unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect world.

Comment by Sarah Emmaly Burgett on April 9, 2011 at 2:36pm

I am truly thrilled to know I'm not crazy for thinking this and i completely agree! I feel like most of the world won't even try to have sympathy for people like that because they don't try to understand what they may be going through.  It's a tough thing to consider so thank you for responding and for agreeing with me haha

Comment by Galen on April 9, 2011 at 2:59pm

I've actually researched this before.  I had the same musings maybe 10 years ago and I decided to observe real pedophiles.  Turns out, there are online forums for pedos.  Forums where pictures aren't allowed and discussing anything illegal isn't allowed.  Forums run BY pedos as a kind of "support group" (I guess) for other pedos.  Reading those posts, now THAT was quite an education!  I learned a lot and the most important thing I learned is that pedos are just like any other group of sexual individuals; most are decent, some are not, and some are just monsters.  For the most part, they seemed to be very sad, lonely, desperate human beings.

 

Yes, it must indeed be a shitty life to be forever desiring something you can never have.  I do feel bad for the good ones.  I couldn't say if the good or bad ones are the majority.  As Apple pointed out, the good ones would never reveal themselves in a million years, so we'll never really know.  I know that THEY certainly believe that they are a majority of good people, but that's not real data.

 

So, we'll never know AND there's really no help for it.  As was pointed out, sexual contact with children is wrong and it won't ever be permitted (nor should it), so while it sucks for these individuals, it's just going to have to keep sucking for them because there is no fix for it.  No compromise that would make them happier individuals while still keeping kids safe.  Maybe one day when we have Holodecks or Matrix-like virtual reality.  Until then, sorry for their bad luck.

Comment by Claude Caron on April 9, 2011 at 3:13pm

I agree with you....It's a "preference" though an unacceptable one, and for good reason...At least as I see it, and most of the world.  Like the guy who might not like thin women, and have a preference for larger women, or the girl who only likes tall guys (heard that one often!!). But also, I think that it may be a way of controlling people..."Don't say anything to anyone or else" they might say.  And what Apple says about "sexual desires are not something that we can control"...so true!!  I like a girl now that is completely opposite of me, almost like I should be the one menstruating instead of her, but I can't stop thinking about her, and have to overlook the aspect that she could kick my ass!!

 

Short story about the whole pedo thing:  I used to take martial arts...class was all-ages, and the instructor would assign us a partner to train with, he had assigned a 14 yr old girl with me when I was about 28, and we were learning about getting out of certain "holds"...this poor 14 yr old girl was "straddling" me with her hands around my neck, but when our roles were reversed, I felt sick to my stomach, even though it was make believe, it felt so wrong to me...I had discussed my "discomfort" after class with the instructor, and he did not like it that I "questioned" him, and the following week, assigned the same girl as my partner for another exercise...I walked out, and never went back...It just went with what I thought to be wrong, even though it was pretend...if it would have been someone at least 18, then maybe it would have been OK, but 14??  No, not with my job of working around children, and also...the whole "what if?"...what if after a while, I would see nothing wrong with it...would it be a way of conditioning my mind that "it's OK"...next thing you know, I'm a pedophile.  Maybe that's how they start, I dunno!!

Comment by Sarah Emmaly Burgett on April 9, 2011 at 3:14pm
I'd love to read those posts!  This topic really interests me for some reason and I'm glad I'm not the only one. I've thought of writing a book on it perhaps... but for now, I'll just blog about it haha. Thanks for the response.
Comment by Sarah Emmaly Burgett on April 9, 2011 at 3:32pm
Good story Claude. I think that maybe that mental process is applicable to what goes on in the mind of a pedophile that actually goes through with their desires. Maybe that's what helps them get to the point where they take action instead of just having the feelings... they may slowly transition into actually doing something... But I think the desire has to already be there for something to happen.  If a pedophile was in your position... perhaps he would have stayed and let it happen over and over again until eventually that guilty feeling went away (if it was ever there).  It's almost like playing with fire... at first you're running your finger through a candle's flame... next thing you know, you're an arsonist. Good job on walking away though... never do anything you aren't comfortable with... Oh, and i wish you the best of luck with that girl you like.. haha thank you for your response.
Comment by Andy on April 9, 2011 at 3:50pm
This is a topic I've had way too many discussions on with people who I really feel are willing to think through things and put themselves in other people's shoes. IMHO, there is no absolute morality on whether lusting for children is right or wrong. It is our discomfort with the idea and an understanding of the effect it has on children that leads us to the laws we have today. So what do you think happens when we can clone and produce humans at will, whim, or desire. Most religions will try to keep the state from giving them the same basic rights humans have (I obviously disagree). Will priests get their own harems of young folk to frak that they have complete jurisdiction over?
Comment by Galen on April 9, 2011 at 6:51pm

Andy, I don't think that will ever happen.  The laws we have aren't JUST about protecting children, but they're also about persecuting pedophiles.  As you point out, they invoke feelings of disgust from the rest of us.  This being the case, decisions regarding them tend to be made emotionally, not rationally.  When dealing with any potential threat to children, people can't really be expected to act very rationally.  So, no, priests won't get harems of clone-boys.  He won't get that for the same reason that a pedo can be arrested and charged for taking pictures of children on the beach.  Because it disgusts us.  Pedos won't even ever be allowed to use virtual reality or something like that, much less actual flesh and blood children (clones or not).  Hell, even a blow-up doll that looked like a child would get the manufacturer charged with a crime, I'm quite certain of it.

 

So, I wouldn't worry about any future clone children or, indeed, anything at all that might be in a pedophile's favor.  Such things are simply not going to happen at any point in the near future (or likely ever).

Comment by Andy on April 9, 2011 at 9:07pm
@Galen. Isn't persecuting pedophiles predicated with the disgust and repercussions for children?, Why would they be persecuted otherwise? I'm usually nauseated at the sight of two men going at it, but does that mean I have a say in whether it is right or wrong? I stand by the rationale that it is difficult, if not impossible, to control what one is attracted to, sexually. Given that, would I hand children to a pedophile just because I think that way, I absolutely doubt it. But who am I, or you, or anybody, to stop someone form creating what he/she desires and doing with it as they see fit. To put things into perspective, we kill living forms everyday in the billions...
Comment by Rose on April 9, 2011 at 10:32pm

Giving consent has a lot to do with this.

Two consenting gay people having sex is okay, because both people have consented to the act. So even if religious zealots were to say that it is wrong because it's a sin, the two gay people having sex doesn't hurt anyone else.

 

A pedophile being attracted to little kids is different because even though the pedophile can't control his sexual lust for them, the children are not consensual. Therefore, molesting them or raping them is wrong. Even if a kid was to be like "okay, touch me" it would still be wrong because a little boy or girl hasn't even hit puberty yet and is not capable of sexual pleasure. They are also not old enough to know better.

 

That's really the big difference between the two.

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