It is kinda weird for me to talk about my feelings because I always considered it a weak thing to do....but right now I am feeling VERY weak,pathetic and helpless. The people who read my previous blogs might have thought that I am that brave rebel who is against his society and is willing to fight for his freedom...That is sadly not true. Everyday I discover more that I am a big coward, I am always scared and I am always worried about everything in my life. I am living in CONTINUOUS fear, I can not sleep without being scared of the other day.. Today in college, I heard some guys talking trash about atheists and I.....did nothing, I was too scared of them..I am just a sheep... Being forced to do everything in life because I was too scared to say "No I do not want this".
Everyday I lose respect towards myself because I am just there....doing nothing and being controlled and being unable to say what I really want to say. The funny part is that I convince myself that I am brave because I write blogs in a site that most of it's members think like me LOL... I mean really..How am I that stupid? If I post such blogs on another Islamic websites and someone just opposed my point of view, I think I might run and hide under my bed like a rat! True I am not even exaggerating, I can be scared of my own shadow.
Fear is the main factor of my failure in life in general. I know it is not a mental disorder website but I needed to get these things off my chest so sorry about that. One more thing, please do not ever be like me. Never be fake,never be a sheep, never surrender to the society.