I caught a little bit of a call in radio show this afternoon where a gentleman had called in to say that he was dating a girl who wished to remain a virgin until marriage. And though he cared for her, he felt that sex was an important part of a relationship. He told his girlfriend that he respected her decision to not have sex, however he could not be chaste and would continue to see other women for sexual gratification. The fallout on the radio show was scores of women calling him an asshole because “all he wanted from her was sex.”

I had the immediate urge to call and tell the young man to run away, run quickly away. This woman’s desire to hold on to her virtue like some sort of magical shield spoke volumes to the kind of woman she was…a deluded one. I am sure I will get a lot of flak for this stance, especially from women, but bear with me and open your mind.

Female purity is a patriarchal construct that has one purpose and one purpose only, to subjugate women. We are sexual beings. As with any species, it is hardwired into our DNA to reproduce, to continue our genetic code. In order to ensure this happens, we have evolved to enjoy sexual intercourse. It is pleasurable for us, increasing our desire to copulate and therefore increasing the opportunity for reproduction.

By vilifying one half of the population for following our very nature, those who demand women remain sexually pure gain control over them. Women’s purity becomes a bargaining chip in the selling of daughters and sisters to men with money and power. These men see virginity as a virtue because that makes them the only sexual partner, increasing the likelihood that their DNA is passed and decreasing any chance that the inexperienced bride can question their virility or expertise.

As long as women continue to buy into this crap, we will continue to see the horrors of honor killings and female circumcision. I will not respect any religion that demands female purity. I can tolerate a lot of what I consider “misguided delusions” from Christians, Muslims, Jews, etc., but I refuse to hand over the control of my own body.

Women, when religious leaders demand that you remain pure, ask “WHY?” When your political leaders demand that you be virtuous, ask “WHY?” When your fathers, uncles, and brothers demand that you remain a virgin until they can marry you to a man twice your age, ask “WHY?”

Any answer that ties your sexual purity to your morality or your worth as a human being is the WRONG ANSWER.


Views: 48

Comment by Fancy Nancy on February 17, 2010 at 8:52am
Well a very rough, someone ignorant (but that never stopped me!) Darwinian/ selfish gene approach might be that women have to be sure the bloke's gonna stick around whilst the men want to make sure they're not looking after another man's children. That's why it's said that men prefer foolin' around whereas women look for lurve ....myself, I think it's personal choice but then I'm not religious, obviously. On the other hand, the 'honour killings' issue is more serious and the idea that the woman's purity/ chastity reflects the man's 'honour' is absolutely terrible, with cases every year in uk where fathers and/or mothers are prepared to kill their own daughter or brothers their own sister. I'm sure many religious ppl as well as atheists think the same on this and thank 'someone' I was not born into such a family.
Comment by Doug Reardon on February 17, 2010 at 9:43am
The fact that religious belief can over ride the instinct to preserve one's family, as in honor killings, is pretty scary, and speaks volumes about what the religious are capable of.
Comment by B. on February 17, 2010 at 10:56am
Ok Cynthia, I know you didn't say morals were birth control, but that's what you were or implying. Or rather, you were implying they were abstinence control. Anyway, you're not explaining yourself well, so we obviously need to start from the beginning. Let me help you.

1. What are morals? A broad definition is ok, no need to make a list.
2. Where do they come from? Because there is no God, they must have an objective, measurable source.
3. Why should we obey them? They must be able to be applied universally to every human.
4. How/Why is Self-respect associated with sex? You've put forth this reason without explaining it. If there is no innate goodness or badness to the act of sex itself, you cannot bring emotional consequences in.
5. You think we abstain from pedophilia because of morality? Personally, I have no desire to have sex with children, and I don't think I'm the only one. I think the main thing that keeps me from having sex with children is that the first thing that comes to mind is, "sick" rather than "OMG AGAINST THE RULES!!!"

And lastly, we could never become extinct from AIDS or any STD. Someone is always, always, always immune. Yes, there are people immune to AIDS. Evolutionary biology FTW.

As to your parting comment -- ignorant? Of what?

You're not removing yourself from this conversation because it's BS, you're removing yourself because you can't defend your argument.

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