I'm married to a conspiracy theorist.
I used to think like him.
I don't and can't anymore.
I can't help but be painfully aware of how his thinking has bled into our daily lives.
I consider divorce a last resort.
As uncomfortable as it is to be on the receiving end of his lack of trust and subtle paranoia, I imagine it must be much more difficult to live in his head, unsure of the people you live with and love most.
I am compelled to help, I love him, and I'd do anything to like and respect him again.
I feel that I must exhaust every avenue, before I call it quits.
We've been together 13 years, he has helped raise my two children since they were 3 & 4.
He wasn't always a conspiracy theorist, it began some time in 07, maybe 08.
He was injured, is now disabled, originally from an old military accident.
That's when he started investigating 9/11 being an inside job, became an anti-vaxer, anti-fluoride, believes in chemtrails, fema camps, HAARP, etc.
Last year, I lost it when he came to me insisting that the Sandy Hook shooting was a false flag operation, motivated by the government "trying to take our guns."
I hated his arrogance, his credulity, and him that day.
I hate the example he's setting for my kids.
I spent two years invested in that bullshit with him. I'm appalled at my own gullibility, and so happy to be free of that thinking.
He's a heavy pot smoker, too. Says it helps with the pain, better than the meds.
I've heard heavy pot use is common amongst conspiracy theorists.
I'm sober 30+ years.
It never bothered me until I learned that it's likely a culprit.
I'm consumed by this, he was the love of my life. I think he still is, I'm just exhausted by it all.
He has many good qualities, they're just becoming background.
I've changed, as a result of sites like this. I now do my best to practice evidence based reasoning.
We're both atheists.
He led me to atheism, unintentionally, 12 years ago.
He's not stupid, he is stuck.
He's becoming more and more angry, emotional, deluded.
He's not violent though, but his attitude, and my lack of tolerance for it, is fracturing "us."
We saw a therapist whose solution for us was to simply NOT discuss any of it.
That was a year ago.
Due to the fact that he often treats us as if we're conspiring against him, that he very rarely takes responsibility for his misgivings, that he's quick to blame, I see this as his conspiratorial thinking bleeding into even mundane areas and it's dividing us, but maybe that's inaccurate?
It's as if I'm married to a YEC, who's convinced he knows the truth, who see's everyone else as deluded by satan, (sheeple).
The appeal to emotion that is at the center of theism is seemingly also at the core of his thinking.
He seems to be emotionally identified with what he believes, and my pointing that out doesn't change anything.
I don't know what to do.
A few years ago, we asked one another if, hypothetically, one of us became faithful and religious again, if we could stay with each other.
We both said we could not, yet here I am, struggling.
How do I stay? Are any of you married or in a relationships with faithful people, or conspiracy theorists?
Since beliefs influence actions, do you see them using their emotions to understand reality in other areas, too?
How do you stay? Is my focus off? How do you respect that line of reasoning, or separate the person from their thoughts/beliefs?
He thinks I just want to be right.
The science is what's right. The facts, the evidence that is contrary to the conclusions he holds, is what's right, and those have nothing to do with me, I simply accept them.
I appreciate and value healthy skepticism, logic, and a prioritizing of facts and evidence.
If the facts and evidence pointed to his conclusions, I'd be able to meet him where he's at.
They just don't, and we should all be grateful for that.
Apologies if I sound scattered, I am. And so, so sad.