This is the first time i wrote something about my private life in the internet . it's hard for me to describe myself and tell others about the series of pain and humiliation that i have been through during my childhood and as a teenager in a muslim community.
The first thing my parents teach me about being a good human being and be blessed in my life is to believe in God blindly,and Muhamed too and don't doubt on this presence coz if i did it will be the most abhorent sin I ever made in my life and God will never forgive me and i will be in hell forever. I believed them of course I loved allah and muhamed , I learned how to pray from an early age. I remember the first thing they teach us in primary school after numbers and Alphabet is quaran it was essential.
the teacher always bring with him a long stick and the room over crowded and dark and the time of torment had begun , each one of us must learn by heart ever time a Sora of Quarn, they were very long and imposible for us to learn by heart , but we have try our best but he never was satisfied with us , every time we stand infront of him he gives us a dirty look and hit us in our hands and foot and oblige us to stand for hours in one foot , it was total humiliation . can u imagine a child of 3 or 4 years must learn quaran by heart and if he didn't he will be punished infront of all his peers . it was totally insane. I will never forgive him as long as i am alive for what he have done to me and to my friends . one time i brought my mum with me to save me from a class of torment and pain but she just stand there coz if she tried too save me from him he will say that she is against teaching small kids quaran. he hits me with along stick on my foot coz i didn't learnt by heart qauran , i couldn't go home on my foot .
from that time i start to hate anything to so with qauarn and God generally . and the same thing happened in the next years . they describe to us how god will punish us and tell us some sadistic ways of punishment we will suffer in hell after we die if we didn't follow his guideness .hearing that awful stuff makes me feel terrified and horrible .
my parents believed in god but they didn't pray always , they only fast like the majority of muslims , it was extermly hypocricy. When Ramadan come my mum pray and fast although she is tired and never understand what qauarn does say . I suggested many times to help her to read qauarn but she won't , she said that it will takes decades to undersatnd what allah does say but she believed in god although she never read it . can u imagine to belive in something u never saw or read , she has no clue about islamic religion , but she belives in allah blindly and my dad also fast ramadan but he pray only one time in a day only in the last prayer in ramadan when muslims go to mosque after they fill their stomac . i knew that my dad was pretending like the majority of muslims that he was a good believer only infront of others but at home i rarely see him praying only if he was in difficult time like all the people here.
My brothers never seen them praying ,they said that they are good persons without praying to god .Me too i learned from an early age that i can be a good person without crying and praying to god days and nights .oh i remember also going to the mosque , muslims pretending that they are angels every one act like a prophet , but as soon as they left the gate of mosque they change to ugly persons just like evil , they talk behind each other's back , Gossip , envy; jealousy , cheating ,insult the poor ......And the majority of them have never read the qauran they just believe coz their parents and ancestors are muslims .