Somebody Help! I've been so Sheltered!

I didn't realize just how sheltered I was all these years until I walked away from religion. The shit was a crutch!!! (Excuse the scurrilous language...lol).

It's been over a year now of freethought, and I'm definitely happier now, and I FEEL the freedom!

But EVERYTHING, and when I say everything I mean E- VE- RY- THING , was about God and church before this. I was even taught to ask God what I should wear each day (because "You never know, they'd say, "You might wear a color that some crazy person decides to use as a target to kill people wearing ") Damn..I was f-d up! LOL! Completely brainwashed. I was in church since being in my mother's womb until age 26! Loved the whole church thing. Yeah, I was real "churchy"

My confidence was based in what God thought of me. It was my identity. I feel like I've just started to really learn about myself.

I just sometimes feel like I have a lot of catching up to do (I always joke and say, I've been under a "rock" ...those of you former Christians know that's what they call Jesus...lol).

I don't know, it's hard for me to explain. I guess I just wanted to see if anyone else out there is facing what I am.

I was also very sheltered in my house growing up. I sometimes feel like I wasn't equipped with that....something....I don't know what to call it...but that "thing" that makes you feel like you can go out and conquer the world. Confidence? lol. Don't get me wrong, I feel good about the things I have accomplished, especially in light of the rough experiences I had to undergo in my household growing up. I just want to work on being more confident, more.....something..lol...I don't know. I usually try to be more positive...but hey, no one's positive all the damn time.

Anyway, just wanted to get that off my chest.

*Sighing*.....I guess I just have a lot more growing up to do.

Sorry for the pity party. I just feel safer expressing my feeling here than I would on facebook where all my Christian friends would swear it has something to do with a "hole" being in my heart that needs to be filled with god or saying they'll pray for me.

Views: 6

Comment by Misty: Baytheist Living! on April 27, 2010 at 8:03pm
Hey!
There are a lot of people in this community that know exactly what you are going through!
Thank you for sharing!
Comment by Shanika on April 27, 2010 at 8:13pm
Thanks:-)
Comment by Christopher McGuire on April 27, 2010 at 8:18pm
Shanika,
Thanks for sharing! It gives me the warm'n'fuzzy inside to hear stories like yours. I know the feeling of being an isolated atheist, so if your friends or family start pressuring you about your atheism, or you'd like any questions you may still have answered, feel free to hit me up on my page. Have fun with your new-found freedom.

~Maggie
Comment by Laura on April 27, 2010 at 8:25pm
Isn't freethinking just the greatest!? ;)

Glad you've been free from religious oppression for over a year! So encouraging to hear stories like yours!
Comment by James on April 27, 2010 at 8:31pm
Shanika, Thanks for sharing your story. It's refreshing to hear peoples stories of how they left their previous religion. I think you'll be happy here, and don't be afraid to ask any questions you may have. This site is full of greatly helpful and knowledgeable members.
Comment by Keith A. Szilagyi on April 27, 2010 at 9:24pm
Been almost exactly where you are. It's extremely weird to have your world flip on its head. I've been out for just about a year and a half and I'm still contemplating why I think the way I do and behave certain ways. You and I were in so long that it will probably take a while for us to change how we look at the world.
@Lauruhhpalooza - Hellz Yeah!
Comment by M on April 27, 2010 at 9:53pm
It's just like you said, crawling out from under your rock into the sunshine. It's going to seem foreign at first and when one is trying something new it's always a little scary. It's normal to feel like you're on tiptoes at first. You know, like your first date or your first time driving, etc. You gain confidence as you go. :o) Welcome! Your story was great and we're glad you're here!
Comment by Galen on April 27, 2010 at 11:12pm
Shanika, welcome to T|A and most definitely welcome to FREEDOM! I never really faced any religious oppression or even all that much indoctrination and I feel like a huge weight is gone from my life, I can't imagine how it must feel for you!

I'm curious if your religious family knows about that "Jesus shaped hole" in your heart (lol). From the way you describe them, I can't imagine there would be any good reactions.
Comment by Shine on April 27, 2010 at 11:19pm
Letting go of longheld beliefs may be discomforting at first, but reality will provide such a deeper serenity. And never apologize for a pity party; hell, I assert my right to throw one on a weekly basis! Wine and chocolate optional. ;)
Comment by Prazzie on April 27, 2010 at 11:38pm
You had the fortitude to reject 26 years of brainwashing. I think you're plenty "equipped" for whatever comes your way. All those times you picked the correct colour to wear so as to not get shot at by a lunatic, Jesus wasn't really helping, so clearly you've managed to make the right decisions by yourself all this time!

You're going to be fine, but feel free to come panic here any time :)

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