I didn't realize just how sheltered I was all these years until I walked away from religion. The shit was a crutch!!! (Excuse the scurrilous language...lol).
It's been over a year now of freethought, and I'm definitely happier now, and I FEEL the freedom!
But EVERYTHING, and when I say everything I mean E- VE- RY- THING , was about God and church before this. I was even taught to ask God what I should wear each day (because "You never know, they'd say, "You might wear a color that some crazy person decides to use as a target to kill people wearing ") Damn..I was f-d up! LOL! Completely brainwashed. I was in church since being in my mother's womb until age 26! Loved the whole church thing. Yeah, I was real "churchy"
My confidence was based in what God thought of me. It was my identity. I feel like I've just started to really learn about myself.
I just sometimes feel like I have a lot of catching up to do (I always joke and say, I've been under a "rock" ...those of you former Christians know that's what they call Jesus...lol).
I don't know, it's hard for me to explain. I guess I just wanted to see if anyone else out there is facing what I am.
I was also very sheltered in my house growing up. I sometimes feel like I wasn't equipped with that....something....I don't know what to call it...but that "thing" that makes you feel like you can go out and conquer the world. Confidence? lol. Don't get me wrong, I feel good about the things I have accomplished, especially in light of the rough experiences I had to undergo in my household growing up. I just want to work on being more confident, more.....something..lol...I don't know. I usually try to be more positive...but hey, no one's positive all the damn time.
Anyway, just wanted to get that off my chest.
*Sighing*.....I guess I just have a lot more growing up to do.
Sorry for the pity party. I just feel safer expressing my feeling here than I would on facebook where all my Christian friends would swear it has something to do with a "hole" being in my heart that needs to be filled with god or saying they'll pray for me.