My morning was shaken up by an experience that I would like to share with you. Perhaps someone can offer me some insight, because I'm completely baffled by what I experienced...


I was out walking my dog I noticed my neighbor's small dog was out in front of her apartment. My dog was yelping and pulling on his leash, so we strolled over to say hello. I was surprised to see my neighbor's husband, Frank, sitting in a wheelchair in his doorway, holding the rope that his dog was tied to. I knew he had been in and out of the hospital and rehabs several times over the past six months, so I was surprised to see him home again. He looked as pale as a ghost and was extremely skeletal. Trying to be warm and welcoming I began to just small talk. Frank discussed his most recent tragedy, the amputation of half of his right foot. Months ago, most of his left leg had been amputated. all due to poor circulation from having diabetes.

He's been through hell, but seemed happy enough to still be among the living, and eager to chat. We both use the same dog groomer so Frank asked me whether I had seen Beth lately. She also happens to be on old high school friend of mine, so I am in touch with her quite often. Somehow Frank brought up the subject of Beth's pot smoking, which she has continued to enjoy all these years since she and I were teenagers. Much better than consuming alcohol as far as I'm concerned. He told me that he used to smoke marijuana, and I added that perhaps he should try it again to help him with his loss of appetite. Which immediately stirred him to remember and mention how much it had helped to increase his sexual prowess... I sarcastically remarked, "Like I need to know that about you Frank?" Expecting to let him know that I was NOT in the least interested in moving our conversation in that direction. I let it pass and turned the topic back to other things that smoking marijuana is good for. He then paused and said that he wanted to ask me a question... Without any hesitation. he asked whether weed was sexually stimulating for me? UNBELIEVABLE!!!!

To look at this guy, you can see he is not long for this world. Plus, he just got out of the hospital late last night! He's also married to a woman who does everything for him. For sure, he was not 'coming on' to me, but how the hell does this guy still have the oomph left to want to titillate himself with some sexual banter? It completely grossed me out and I just told him that it was none of his business and that he was NOT a gentleman, and stormed off.

This situation with Frank was repulsive, but he is not the only old geezer who lives in my complex who has spoken or acted inappropriately to me. AND most all of them are MARRIED! I'm no 'spring chicken' myself, but I do not welcome these odd sexual innuendos being thrown my way by horny, ancient older men. No matter how unattractive, disabled or feeble they are, sex is still paramount on their brains, and I simply don't get it? ...DO YOU????

Views: 333

Comment by Gaytor on June 8, 2010 at 9:03pm
Yes. I did too much trail running a few weeks ago and my hips and ankles were torn up. I was hobbling, but my libido was unaffected. :D
Comment by Allegra on June 8, 2010 at 9:42pm
Dr. Allison Cameron: "Men should grow up."
House m.d.: "Yeah, and dogs should stop licking themselves. It's not gonna happen."

Wish as we all might that men would grow up sometimes (and stop being gross for just a moment) as the t.v. show says, it's not gonna happen. And as far as evolutionary traits go, is it really the most successful?
Comment by Renshia on June 9, 2010 at 1:59am
Remember old guy, lost limbs due to poor circulation. I am sure that his limbs are not the only thing effected. In cases when circulation is effected even, in some mild cases. brain damage can occur that causes loss of social restraint. It can be one of the first things to go. I remember a discussion about this with my grandfathers doctor.

And sometimes you need to get slapped just to remember your alive...
Like Sheldon said; "What's life with out a little whimsy?
Comment by Misty: Baytheist Living! on June 9, 2010 at 2:48am
Bleh. I don't really see anything there that's offensive, personally.
I mean, it was just a question, not like he was drooling and grabbing your ass.
Sure, there is a whole big ick factor of a near-corpse discussing turn-ons, but by the sounds of it, he worded it in a pretty medically neutral fashion, instead of being graphic or nasty.

I dunno. Maybe I'm just thicker skinned.
Comment by Matt on June 9, 2010 at 3:42am
I'm with Misty on this one, and I'm not just saying that because I'm a guy. He asked you a question, it's not like he made a sexual advance or started to grab your ass after. And even if he did ask it in a sexual way, why kick a man when he is down? He's old and losing limbs, is it too much to ask to give a dying man a reason to smile?
Comment by Sydni Moser on June 9, 2010 at 4:30am
My question here is mostly to do with men, in their last stage of life, still seeming to be surprisingly focused on (their probably limited functioning) penis... At least for me, it just seems bizarre that within less than five minutes, after not seeing him for months, Frank's point of conversation should be directed to the topic of sex, who perhaps should be contemplating his mortality rather than wanting to share sexual antidotes with me.... He's an acquaintance, not a friend, not someone who I know well enough to comfortably and causally discuss this rather personal stuff with.

I've had more than my share of male attention throughout my life, and I would find his wanting to share intimate information uncomfortable no matter what age he was, particularly given that we are just neighbors, not friends, and this topic was brought up again, after I had already just hinted pleasantly that I didn't want to go there....

Look, I do feel sorry for the guy, and would be more than happy to be patient and considerate in discussing any number of topics, but why the hell do I need to give this poor guy a break, when he wants to impose a topic of discussion that I feel is too personal and honestly inappropriate? Just because he's on the 'home stretch?' Why should I feel at all feel compelled in any way to overlook his being insensitive to my already informing him that I wasn't going to discuss my sexual interests in order to stimulate his sexual arousal? I think the lot of you are nuts to say that he was not overstepping appropriate boundaries!

No, I wasn't going to let the conversation get to the point of being graphic, but I don't doubt for a second that it would have. And had he the power to grab me, he would have received a good hard slap. So no Misty, he hadn't YET gotten to that point, but had I simply indulged the 'poor old guy' and gotten into it with him, it would have degenerated into his past sexual exploits of which I had ZERO interest in discussing with him. And Matt it's definitely too much for ME to give him a reason to smile... His wife can do that for him!
Comment by Galen on June 9, 2010 at 5:04am
I don't see anything offensive in the least little bit about what he said. If this is your idea of "inappropriate" then I'd like to suggest a little introspection. Perhaps you are still influenced by some very puritan attitudes regarding sexuality. Given the topic of conversation (pot smoking), I think it's a perfectly reasonable question to ask. And what is this "you're not a gentlemen" remark all about? That has more to do with YOUR expectations of how other people should act and less to do with anything that may or may not be morally correct. It's telling that you used the word "inappropriate." I've always found that word to mean "It's not actually wrong, but I have a personal problem with it anyway."

And railing against his age and appearance disturbs me, frankly. It's a far too common thing in our society. Would you post a blog about it if he were your age and overweight? Would you feel morally secure in telling us all how disgusted you were by some big fatass asking you that question? Would it be acceptable to relay the story of how gross all his fat rolls, double chins, and man-tits were? Why do you feel secure in telling us how grossed out you were by his age and "decrepit" appearance?

Sorry, but the fact that you were disturbed by this sounds a lot like your problem, not his. I don't mean to be an ass about it, but I understand that it's how I come across sometimes, so I apologize for that. Just calling it like I see it :)
Comment by Sydni Moser on June 9, 2010 at 5:51am
@ Galen - "Perhaps you are still influenced by some very puritan attitudes regarding sexuality"

Far from it Galen, a sexual prude I am not. I wouldn't want to discuss my points of sexual arousal while stoned on weed if the guy was 21, 35, 48, 57 or 100 years old, given that he is an acquaintance and married, and we don't socialize except when we meet each other on the path in front of our respective apartments while walking our dogs. There is a point of inappropriateness, and pushing this topic, when I gave him the signal not to, was inconsiderate and rude as far as I'm concerned.

Even though Frank has been through hell and has lost a great deal of weight, he is not a bad looking older man. So clearly that isn't a factor. Plus, where did I "rail" about his appearance? I mentioned his extremely pale complexion and his skeletal frame, and that's about all I mentioned!

What I am 'railing' about is OLDER men who are 'hot-to-trot'.... I did not go into the several older men in my complex that have brought up the topic of sex with me, as casually as one would discuss the weather with a neighbor. If the the 20 year old kid who lives next door with his dad, would bring up his sexual interests with me, I would be just as put-off. Would you honestly stop to chat with a friendly neighbor about your sexual inspirations on weed, and ask her about what gets her aroused???? If you think that's an "appropriate" topic of conversation for acquaintances to discuss, then by all means call me misguided! In your book, I must be a prude, because that is not something open to discussion with everyone I casually know.

Honestly, I can 'perhaps' understand a man as yet in his prime, being consumed with thinking about sex, and bringing the topic up causally in certain circumstances. But given that several older men have so directly approached this topic with me, I don't understand why it is as much of an interest to them, as it might be to someone who still has testosterone flooding through their system? These 'older men' seemed to have lost all reserve and show no discretion, feeling it is a worthy topic to bring up for discussion with any woman who crosses their path.... I emphatically don't agree.
Comment by Shine on June 9, 2010 at 7:46am
A wheelchair need not be an impediment to sex. :)

But I think that what bothered you was the man's age more than his disability in the context of his remark. I can see how his remark has the potential to make someone uncomfortable--mostly because he was directly asking you about details of your personal sexual experiences on marijuana--but I wonder if it isn't some sort of desperation on his part. I know that for some men who deal extreme physical debilitation, sexuality becomes a vital means of retaining some measure of their "manhood." (I seriously meant no double entendre there, but I cannot think of another way to rephrase it.) I do not know this man nor the specifics his individual personality, but I know that the transition from self-sufficiency to crippled dependency is brutal. I am not trying to excuse his behavior, nor do I think that you should necessarily adjust your own parameters of sensitivity, but I am just trying to work out a reason for the man's seemingly inappropriate remarks.

Also, have you considered that he may have been on some heavy-duty narcotics following his recent amputation? Perhaps his discretion was compromised by medication.
Comment by NoSacredCow on June 9, 2010 at 7:53am
...and I know women that will shop till their dying day. So what?

Maybe Frank is at the stage where he just doesn't give a rat's ass what others think any more especially since he's seeing his last stop coming.

Or maybe as someone mentioned earlier that with the diabetes and poor circulation his mind is at less than 100% functionality. But if he has poor circulation and he's had an amputation due to it you can bet with some certainty that there is something else no longer working. (That's almost always the first to go.)

The only thing you can do is just say, "I don't feel comfortable with this subject. If it takes a second reminder fine. If he insists just be polite and say "I meant what I said" and bid him a "good day sir".

Storming off only exacerbates your ire. (So much so that you felt compelled to write about it.)

Maybe that also titillated Frank. Next time just put an index finger in each ear and say "neener-neener la la la" and walk on. He'll smile and you'll smile, the dogs will wag and sugar will fall from the sky...

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