The word “goodbye” has many aliases, from “so long” to “see ya later alligator”. The first time I heard the phrase “Godspeed”, I wondered if it was faster than a flash or two shakes of a lamb's tail...or was it three shakes, can't remember.

I do remember my first day of school, my mother walked me to my classroom. We met my teacher, Mrs. Vidrine, an older lady with horn-rimmed glasses and way too much lipstick. I sat in my desk which was located on the far end of the doorway. Mrs. Vidrine began roll call. I looked toward the door and my mother stood just outside and she smiled at me and waved. I smiled and waved back. While the teacher was introducing herself to the class, I turned and looked at the door....and my mother was not there. A panic set in. She wasn't waving “hi” to me, she was waving goodbye! I immediately got up and sprinted toward the door and Mrs. Vidrine intercepted me halfway to freedom. She shuffled me back to my desk. Snickers could be heard from some of the other students. I didn't cry, but there was a knot of confusion welled up in my chest. It was painful, to say the least. Soon, days later, my mother would drop me off at school, no worries, it was just a “see ya later”.

11 years later, I said goodbye to my mother as they closed her casket, her battle with Hodgkins disease was over.

I'm 58 years old and every Mother's Day, I feel a shadow of that same knot of confusion and pain. I look to the doorway...and she's not there.

Hug your mother like you will never let go, because once she's gone, you never will let go.


Gary Bergeron

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Comment by Unseen on April 28, 2016 at 5:10pm

In my case, my mother died early while I was still in my 20's. My father lived on and died three years ago while I was in my mid-60's. He was the best father anyone could wish for. Showed his love for his children through both word and deed. His generosity almost knew no bounds beyond the limitations of his own wealth, time, and energy. He was not super well off, yet he helped all of his children buy their first homes and whenever you needed a quick loan, he somehow managed to help. Repayment was always optional. After mom died, he was in a way both mother and father. No man ever did a better job of being an exemplary parent.

Comment by Reg The Fronkey Farmer on April 28, 2016 at 6:04pm

My mother also died when I was in my 20’s. I just made it home from abroad to be there for her last few hours. If you love someone be sure to let them know and if you haven’t said so recently then the right time to do so

Comment by Belle Rose on May 3, 2016 at 1:42am
I have two mothers, one adopted and one biological. I finally know what it feels like to have a mom. My Mom. I now understand when people dote over their mothers why they do so.

Both of my mothers are mentally ill. But I struggle most with feeling anything positive at all towards my adopted mother. And I feel sometimes guilty for feeling so harshly towards her.

My biological mother on the other hand I feel a love towards her that I cannot explain. Even with all her imperfections I love her intensely.

I never bonded with my adopted mom. I always felt repulsed by her and how she treated me, i really hate admitting that but it is the truth.

This mothers day should be interesting.

One thing is for sure. I feel fortunate to have two mothers. (and two fathers). I feel a much stronger connection to my biological parents, but I am thankful that I was placed up for adoption. I had a (slightly) better life than I would have.

I struggle every day to reconcile my feelings towards my adopted mom. Wanting to cherish her. And not wanting to have anything to do with her. And feeling somewhat guilty for loving my biological mother so much more...
Comment by Belle Rose on May 3, 2016 at 1:48am
I want to love my adopted mother. I just...can't.
Comment by Unseen on May 3, 2016 at 3:31am

Belle, you revealed that your adopted mom is mentally ill. I know she mistreated you and I don't know her positives, but consider that given her condition she wasn't able to do other than she did. In other words, it wasn't personal, even if it seemed that way.

Comment by Simon Paynton on May 3, 2016 at 4:41am

I wouldn't feel guilty if I were you Belle.  There's such a thing as propriety, that duty would suggest you owe to your adopted mom.  But love for a non-relative has to be earned.  She failed do that, in fact, she treated you appallingly.  So f*** her is what I would say.


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