The stegosaurus carefully plodded its way among the rocky countryside. Its passengers, riding uncomfortably on its bony back, were hungry and in need of sleep, so were pushing their giant mount at a fairly quicker pace than usual. Slowly, as the distant horse manger drew near, the stegosaurus came to a stop and its two passengers, one pregnant and the other apparently her husband, gently stepped off.
The woman, whose name was Mary, was due at any time and so her husband, Joseph, decided to bed down for the night in a passing manger, in anticipation of his wife’s coming birth. Joseph had never managed to get over the fact that his wife had somehow managed to get pregnant in spite of the fact that they have yet to have sex. When prodded about her apparent indiscretion, she only replied that she never cheated on him and that it must have been God who did it. There could be no other explanation. Joseph, being the simple goat herder that he was, was inclined to believe the wife he loved so dearly.
Sure enough, that night a baby was born, although with much darker skin than Joseph, and long shoulder length hair. They decided to name him Jesus, after a house servant their neighbor used to have. Once the pain of birth subsided, Mary, noticing the look of joy mixed with disappointment on Josephs face, exclaimed loudly, “It’s a miracle! It’s a divine Miracle!, Our lord and savior has been born this day!” Joseph, reticent to cause waves and upset his wife, tightly held her hand and gave her a kiss on the cheek, while looking at the little dark skinned, long haired savior laying in the pile of hay at his feet.
A star appeared in the northern sky that had never been seen before, and it somewhat reminded Joseph of some old prophecy he studied in school, but he couldn’t be sure. Later that evening, Joseph noticed three pterodactyl’s on the horizon getting closer and closer. Once they were near enough he noticed they were saddled with three, old, smart-looking men bearing gifts. They came to a stop, not three meters from the manger and dismounted.
Mary and Joseph looked at each other and acknowledged a common thought, apparent although unspoken, of how wise the three men looked. Joseph asked the three wise looking travelers, “What brings ya this a way?”, to which they replied, “We were on the way to market with some goods, but then we noticed the long haired child in a hay filled manger and decided to give some gifts to an obviously financially struggling family going through an ill-timed birth in a rather dirty manger.” Joseph thanked them and turned his attention back to his wife.
The first wise man came forward with his gift for the new wife, a donkesaurus, which would provide months of transportation aid and later food for two or three months. A camelsaurus and a chickensaurus were given next. The young, divine couple could barely care for themselves let alone a slew of farm animals, but they thanked the wise men anyway as they flew off to market with the rest of their wares.
The young couple lay there, happy and eating dates. Joseph fell asleep in his young wife’s arms as they both cuddled the young, long haired savior between them.
And the evening and the night were the first day…….
This is the beginning of modern Christianity were the earth 6000 years old. Since that time, dinosaurs disappeared and mammals evolved. In that short amount of time, you would have been able to use time-lapse photography and watch fish crawl ashore and evolve into humans. In that time, the infallible god gave his revelation and then changed his mind with the birth of his kid. Fortunately for the drug soaked culture of today, the talking bushes and snakes evolved themselves out of the common place and into folklore. Imagine a world, outside of Disney movies, where people could take a walk and carry on a conversation with grass clippings along the way.
I am happy this is not the world , and I’m also happy I don’t have to ride a dinosaur to work on a lazy Friday afternoon.