Comment by Frank on June 9, 2009 at 11:33pm

I don't believe there is just one person for you, I believe that it's all personality profiles. There is a profile that other profiles match up with. A relationship between these two types of profiles work. I can't stay whether a person can only get along with one type of personality, maybe it's a multitude of profiles that work. All I know is there are certain traits in a person's personality I look for, and without them I don't think it would work out in the long run.

Comment by Reggie on June 10, 2009 at 12:45am

Good post and I agree very much. Not only do personality profiles matter, as Frank points out, but a more important factor is geography and where you spend your time. I guess if God had it out for someone, He might place one's soul mate in a faraway land. Or worse! A different time! That is right up the Bastard's alley, you know. Also, people are much more likely to canoodle with classmates or co-workers than any other segment of the population. Spend enough time with people of the opposite sex and the laws of attraction are "destined" to take over.

I know that if my fiancée left me today that I would find another woman to love just as she would find another man if I had left her. It is the commitment we make to one another that I find to be valuable and "sacred" and it is a commitment made by a thinking, feeling human being rather than some invisible skydaddy's meddlesome matchmaking.

Comment by Frank on June 10, 2009 at 3:50am

I encountered a woman who is 37 years old and proudly states that she is a virgin and waiting for marriage. This I am not ridiculing. It was the statement that followed, "I am waiting for God to send me a husband."

I replied politely (because I was at work and she was a customer), "You have to be proactive." My version of proactivity is not praying everynight before you go to bed for a magical man to appear before you. But what do I know, I'm a dirty, nasty, atheist.

Comment by Misty: Baytheist Living! on June 10, 2009 at 7:07am

My boyfriend and I are both atheist. I'd say it makes us a stronger relationship for it. Like stated above, we know that no one is going to come bail us out if we make a mess of things. We have to safeguard and commit to ourselves.
He isn't the perfect boyfriend. I'm not the perfect girlfriend. We have our own shares of differences and problems and it is always a work in progress.
As people, neither of us are overly romantic.
Hell, one of the sexiest things I find in a potential mate is the accuracy of our compatibility. Childless, non-smoking, fit, vagabond nature like myself:)
We've lived a year in Thailand, a few months in Vietnam, traveled the jungles of Cambodia and spent much loved time in Malaysia. The hardest part in our relationship is going to the U.K. All the sudden we aren't facing new and exciting challenges together anymore. It's old news, boring and claustrophobic to him, ghostly-similar but not quite right to me. I have to look at every person in his life, know they are important to him and make an effort to make them not hate me. Easy going so far except for one.
If I knew this was the will of some god, I'd probably be pretty pissed right now. I'd ask why, throw a fit and be very resentful. Knowing that we are two independent individuals that made a decision that will improve our future together makes me stronger. I know it's a choice, not a fate. I know why we are here, what we are doing and what the end result will be. With that in mind, I can grit my teeth and look forward instead of back. No god put me here. No god will get me out.

Comment by Erica on June 10, 2009 at 8:02am

Your post made me happy. Thanks.

Comment by James on June 10, 2009 at 2:36pm

Thanks for the wonderful post Richard. I agree 100%. In my opinion believing that you are the ones that brought each other together and that you are together due to 'true love', is more satisfying than the thought that you only together because God said so. I don't believe in souls or soul mates, but me fiance does (Wiccan). But it doesn't get in the way. She believes in a more abstract/naturalistic form of spirituality. But we respect each other, which I feel is important. It's funny though; I know she's 'the one' for me, and we have actually never had an actual fight, believe it or not. But I feel we are the ones that make out relationship work, and knowing this try to always be sure to show her how special she is to me. A little something here... a surprise there. Everyone around her is amazed, but I feel she really is that special, and I refuse to grow lazy in the relationship and have it go stale.

Comment by Theresa on June 10, 2009 at 7:26pm

I completely agree. I always wondered how terribly mundane it must be to have an arranged marriage(or long term commitment) arranged by God. The relationship would seem more like an obligation to meet, a requirement to get to heaven, if you will. If one rejects the "soulmate" god chooses for them, I doubt he'd be too thrilled. Seems like the perfect conditions for a loveless marriage(or relationship), or a way to make your SO into the cookie-cutter image of your dreams.

Another thing with this idea of soul mates. How do you know? Are you walking down the street one day and the hand of God pushes you into some other individual. Are we really supposed to believe that on top of everything else...God would waste his precious time playing matchmaker. Ah, this amuses me. Its rather sad though, that some people go on banking on God to set them up with mr. or ms. right, instead of them being proactive and attempting to make connections with people.

Comment by Cara Coleen on June 10, 2009 at 8:14pm

When a person isn't "promised" to you, you aren't able to take them for granted. You'll never feel safe neglecting or disrespecting them because you know they CAN leave; they have that choice and always have. You have to put effort in because nothing is guaranteed. It seems like a much healthier approach to me! You NEVER belong to someone, and they don't belong to you... neither has to put up with bad behavior... unlike in Christianity, where the only justified reason for leaving your spouse is adultery (not physical abuse).

Comment by Jeremy Roney on June 11, 2009 at 1:15am

Guess I get to be different agian, I can't completely agree with this. I've always been the guy that wished I'd had a childhood friend or something of the sort that I always knew I'd end up with (though never, ever by force or anything of the sort). I suppose I see the idea of a soulmate a bit differently, I don't see it as a term meaning promised, betrothed, or in any way forced. Instead I think of it merely as someone who is perfect for you, and who you are perfect for. To me, it would be wonderful to know that such a thing was indeed true, that such a person did exist... and it would be even better to know that someday we would meet, and we couldn't possibly screw it up.

In response to what Caracoleen stated, what you say is true and is definetely a danger when thinking about soulmates. That really doesn't worry me too much though since I know thats not something I would ever do. Even if I knew I was stuck with someone no matter what, if I cared about them I wouldn't treat them that way... if you did, then you don't love them and they aren't your soulmate.

In the end though just like heaven or karma, just becuase something would be nice doesn't make it true. Guess we just have to bank on the Law of Large Numbers instead.

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