Comment by Michel-san on January 4, 2010 at 1:33pm

Ouch!!! Persecuted in your home. You won't be living there forever at least. Just think, in the 16th century they would have been angry if you criticised the pope's belief that the Sun was orbiting the Earth - to protect you from yourself.

Hmm... back then I suppose I'd agree with them, they used to burn people back then! But now you're safe, we have human rights. It took god - the source of all morality - until 1948 to realise he'd forgotten to give them to us, or maybe he was distracted by more important issues and couldn't find room for them in a holy book.

Comment by Dave G on January 4, 2010 at 1:44pm

I'm guessing that placing a lock on your door, so that they won't have to be offended by your 'heathen ways' (or be able to snoop about in your room) would just cause more problems.

Comment by Gaytor on January 4, 2010 at 2:45pm

Religious leaders are not subject to attack? I see. How about Islamic Clerics? Have any of them ever said or done anything to be critical of? If you enter the public square you open yourself up to scrutiny. Is your father ever critical of a celebrity? Why would have have the right to do that? Does he understand that when you speak about that celebrity that he offends everyone whom is a fan? Can you get a list of whom is not subject to attack in the house? These may be inflammatory questions you shouldn't ask.

This is an emotionally abusive situation that you are describing. From your brother to your mother to your father. Making any progress in these relationships is going to have to center on the reality of this being abuse. As a kid I was in the middle, a boy, and my Dad likes to tell jokes. Often they are pointed jokes making fun of people. There was a period around 12 or so (my age) that the ribs were never ending from all sides. Eventually I responded, "if you call me stupid all of the time, why wouldn't I start to believe it?" My mom stepped in to protect me as she should because the point hit her hard. Then we went to a normal level of abuse and that was that. I hope that you find a way to show them a mirror so that someone steps in to end it. I don't know how you've gotten to this point with them, but maybe they likely have some points to be made. If you want the abuse to end, a big sit down is needed.

Comment by Skycomet the Fallen Angel on January 4, 2010 at 3:06pm

Thanks Gaytor... I know that it is abuse... a lot of the "stuff" that goes on in my house [and what I mentioned is just the tip of the iceberg] fits the TEXTBOOK definition of Psychological or Emotional Abuse... however, I am the only one that can see this, apparently. My sister is STARTING to get with the program and realize that something is VERY wrong with our family relationships... but she's only 15, which makes her quite young to understand more discrete types of abuse like emotional... [Sexual and Physical abuse... being able to leave "physical" evidence... are more widely accepted as abuse.]
My mother is in COMPLETE denial... she lives in a fantasy world where our family is as "tight-knit," "loving," and "normal" as she wants it to be. She doesn't believe there's any more of a problem then any "normal" family would have.
I refer to my mother as "The 1950s House Wife" in my journal sometimes because she "acts the part" of what "Women's" magazines of the 1950s said a woman should be....
- Obedient, Submissive, Passive, Does all or most of the housework, main childrearer, etc. -
... it's rather sad that she has such a backwards position in life... I feel sorry for her because I KNOW that she didn't TRUELY choose her role... it was "programed" into her at somepoint... and I can see the wear and tear that her efforts to be the "perfect" wife and mother are taking on her.

Still... I don't think anything is going to get better anytime soon.... no one but me recognizes that the levels of emotional abuse, manipulation, and the resulting resentment in my house are so high that they're driving the family apart. I can't save my mother from her "fantasy land" or my dad from himself... they have to save themselves....

In the mean time... I'm NOT going to let them control my life much longer... being 21 and on the same sized leash as a 14 year old is not very comfortable. And I am developing a secret plan to get out should they refuse to let me go off to LIVE at school next year.

Comment by Gaytor on January 4, 2010 at 3:19pm

I was biting my tongue on "Run Away!" because I'm a bit of an emotionally disconnected person. I wouldn't want to tell people to be like me. I'd offer space in our house, but I don't think that my wife would appreciate "Honey, we're adopting a 21 year old girl!" I hope that if you can't quell the mess, that your escape plan works. I love it when a plan comes together.

Comment by Skycomet the Fallen Angel on January 4, 2010 at 3:32pm

Thanks... I'm going off to college... and if I need a place to go ["heaven forbid" lol] then I have a couple of friends who live in apartments not associated with their colleges out of this state that I could turn to... I could help them pay the rent....
But... I will give my family a chance to hold some form of contact with me... they just have to let me go off to school and live on my own next year. [I have to set a deadline... or I'll never get away from this situation.]

Comment by Michel-san on January 4, 2010 at 5:21pm

It's good that you have somewhere else to go! It may be the only solution to your problem as unfortunately faith is often stronger than family.

Comment by John Nguyen on January 5, 2010 at 7:20pm

New Year's Resolutions. At this point, my best recommendation is that you avoid confrontation so long as you are financially dependent on your parents. No one wants to be disowned over something like this. Best to wait until you're safely on your own before you really start to assert yourself.

Don't let them roll you over, though. Remember, they care about you, misguided as they may be. Try to always remain calm in the face of their hysteria. Getting emotional right back can only hurt.

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