Sometimes my Theist family makes me want to SCREAM!
I can feel that there is a divide forming in my relationships with them... but especially with my mother and brother. I guess my mother's "zealot" habits aren't REALLY her fault... she's an impressionable and passive woman who was brought up in the "Deep South Bible Belt." Still... an excuse for irrationality and harrassment of "Heretics" doesn't make the pain any less for me.
Recently, I was extremely shocked! I couldn't sleep last night due to a slight bout of indigestion, so I went downstairs to get some anti-acid medicine. My dad was watching "Law and Order: Criminal Intent" and I stayed down a while to watch a bit of it with him... [I take a lot of interest in Law and Order]. Everything seemed to go well, at first.
The criminal on the Show was an insane Conservative Christian who killed his whole family to "save his daughter's innocence [her virginity]" - don't ask about the logic in this... there isn't supposed to be any. I was aware that the man's "conservativeness" had VERY little to do with his violent acts and also that MOST conservatives are NOT violent in the least... but I messed up while watching the show. I made a comment that set my Dad off on a tirade which eventually came to harrassment of my atheism.
I said [about half-way through the show... when I figured this out] "The killer's an ultra-conservative, isn't he?" - I thought it was an innocent question/ comment... a statement of fact.... I guess not.
Suddenly my dad gets angry and starts yelling at me ["God" knows why none of the other ppl in the house didn't wake up!] I don't remember much of what he said... but I do remember him mentioning how "my comments that I wrote on my American Atheist Magazine had been REALLY offensive to him."
At this point I had gone from "Where the Hell did that come from?" to sudden understanding that I was going to be harrassed again. Then I realized that he must have read my American Atheist Magazine... which to keep from offending others, I usually take meticulous measures to make sure it's out of sight [in a bag, my back-pack, on my bookshelf, or in my PERSONAL magazine rack in my closet.
I protested to my dad that he shouldn't have been able to read it without removing it from my bag by the loveseat [that's where it was last]. He said that it WASN'T there that he found it... he found it in the pile with the other magazines.
I'm thinking: WHAAATT?!!!
I'm still EXTREMELY doubtful that I put it there... it would make NO sense for me to leave something provocative to some theists lying around like that...
I figure it's possible that SOMEONE removed it from my bag at some point... IDK....
So... I went to bed frightened, angry, and sad.... I had trouble sleeping.
I HAD made some harsh annotated comments on the article in the magazine talking about how the Pope had made a public statement in the heart of "AIDS country" in Africa that "Condoms don't help protect against AIDS and might actually make the problem worse." - When he knew that wasn't true... he was just trying to promote "No Birth Control." My comments were scathing... but I was extremely angry that the Pope valued so-called "Purity" over MILLIONS OF HUMAN LIVES!!!
Also... I would NEVER have written those comments had it ever CROSSED MY MIND that a theist would read the article!
-I had intended to keep it from my family's eyes... I failed. -
I was also dumbfounded that Dad found my annotations, like the one where I said that I thought Pope Benedict should actually called "Pope I'm-a-Dick" were more offensive than the Pope's actions!
I tried to explain to my Dad that I WASN'T trying to offend him and I WASN'T attacking him...
but he said something like, "Whenever you attack a Xtian, you attack me..."
I thought.... "Yeah.... and what the Pope did was VERY XTIAN wasn't it?"
The next morning I found out more... it was actually my MOTHER who had originally looked at the article and shown it to my Dad when she was enraged by it...
She claimed I "left it on the floor" - but this sounds rediculous to me... sure it's possible... but why would I leave something soo provocative to Xtians ON THE FLOOR IN THE LIVING ROOM?!!!
It's like leaving PLAY BOY on the floor!!!
I was doubtful of this.... although I also doubted that she'd been the one who'd removed it from my bag [I will NEVER know who did this].
I found out that she was the first one when I tried to complain to her about the way my dad had treated me last night and she cut me off and fussed at me for "leaving such horrible comments" in my magazine.
I tried to explain why I had left those comments about the pope in a moment of anger... but she cut me off again and said, "I don't CARE why you left them... you CAN'T say stuff like that!!"
- She also tried to blame me for "Starting the problem by bringing up my Atheism." - Actually I DIDN'T bring up my atheism, my dad did....
I then asked her if she read the article... and her response was VERY telling!
She said, "No... I think that magazine is misguided and propaganda and it's dangerous for you."
I was thinking, "Jeez how can you judge a magazine if you HAVEN'T READ IT?!!!
I asked her WHY she had told my dad [Whom I knew had a short fuse and a tendency to erupt in gigantic ways when that fuse went off. " - She knew it too... she's been married to him for 24 years!
She responded... "I was trying to protect you."
"Protect me from what Mom?"
So, she tries to "Protect me from myself" by going to my "hot head" of a father and telling him something that is BOUND to make him erupt on me about my atheism?!
Is it just me or am I living in a world of Up-side down logic?