prayer (in the absence of justice)

in the absence of justice

you drop to your knees

& you close your eyes

looking for something

somewhere

else

which you believe can do the

work for you---

you run in your mind to another

place,

which you believe exists even though

you have never actually found proof

& no one you know

has ever found such a place

or testified to its existence

without standing in that same

dumbfounded

lack of evidence &

lack of substance---

still,

with your eyes closed

you want vengeance---

whatever has been done wrong to you

whatever you cannot deal with or

defend yourself against,

you feel that

something

else

should---

and so you concentrate

(so much energy that could be spent

in so many other more

productive

ways) & you want with all of your

heart

to believe that in due time

justice will come to you

because of your faith in a process

whereby you ask,

and you receive something from an

imagined force

which only you know as intimate as

you believe that you do---

& in the absence of what you believe to be

right in your actual life,

you hope with every thought

in your daily routine

retracing every mental step

(in wonder if you “jinxed” your own prayer by

“misbehaving,” or “acting incorrectly” thereafter)

in some kind of mad

schizo-struggle

opposing yourself &

supporting yourself &

congratulating yourself &

condemning yourself---

all for the sake of something that someone else told you

during your upbringing or

worse yet,

something that you ran to

when you felt that you were

left with no alternatives in your later years

even though

you

&

i

both know

that you did not take the time to consider all your options.

 

good luck with that. 

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