I actually have too many blog sites scattered annonymously throughout the World Wide Web, and there's one I visit on a semi-regular basis to write about more private matters. Ya know, the "Dear Diary" moments. I had a mild epiphany when writing in it last night, so I thought I'd share and expound a little... and then tie it to something else.

Well, I'll admit. I've had this on-and-off type deal going on with this guy who, frankly, doesn't deserve even a little of my attention. I guess until you've been in South Florida, you can't quite appreciate the caliber of people who flock here. I'll just say... they're less than stand-up. I mean, yes... there are good people here, but you really have to dig them out and hope they don't get swallowed back up. In a way, I can't get my mind off him because I don't have anyone else to think about. He's ALMOST the best S Fla has to offer. Sort of. Well, probably not... but I haven't met the others.

It's just that... he has so much potential. I think that's a pretty common snag for girls. It was a common excuse among my Christian peers, and it remains one now among my "secular" friends. We all are able to see the "good" in people; their qualities and talents that go wasted. We wonder why they don't live up to themselves. And so, typically, girls will hold themselves back waiting for the dude to "get it" and become what he was "meant to be". It's not even that we/they want to CHANGE him... we just want him to be who we think he really is. HE HAS SO MUCH POTENTIAL!

But then it hit me... by hanging around waiting, I'm not living up to my own potential... or striving for what could be mine. I hope this doesn't sound conceited, but... I can do better. By NOT doing better, I'm guilty of exactly the same failure to be everything or have everything I could be and have. He's settling for himself as this second-rate human, and I'm settling for him... the second-rate human. He says he doesn't deserve me. Well, I suppose there's some truth in that... even though I don't relate to self-loathing and the inability to pull myself up to a better standard. I don't think there's much in this life that has anything to do with "deserving". I wouldn't ever deny myself something good. If anything in Christianity did NOT stick, it was the message that I was unworthy of having good things.

Ok. So... yes... yay! I realized the fallacy of my own approach to men and dating. F*** their potential; I should only be concerned with my own. HA! Maybe that sounds harsh. I don't care. I'll run as fast as I can and maybe someday, someone will be able to keep up. I would love it if they could outrun me though.

Anyway, then I made a connection this morning. There's this big debate about stem-cells and the fact that they are "potential life". Since writing all that crap in my other blog about how I think POTENTIAL IS MEANINGLESS UNTIL IT IS ACTUALIZED... I'm like, whoa! It's even true when it comes to stem cell research and embryos. Yes, embryos could one day develop into humans; they could one day be an individual. But, until it does, it's NOT. The embryo could also develop into simply a liver or a heart. We don't look at our own body parts and say, "Well, pinkie toe... you had the potential to be an entire leg, ya know?" But the fact is, it's true! And no one's worried that the pinkie toe regrets what it has become. Pinkie toes don't have a consciousness, even though they had the POTENTIAL to be an entire human!

Well, just like the guy I was dating, the stem cell has the potential to be much more than it is. Well, for a lot of reasons, they may end up remaining in the petree dish forever. The "potential" of the guy shouldn't give him more credibility than he actually has right now. He could be a doctor, but he's not. Until he IS a doctor, we wouldn't even consider CALLING him one. The embryo COULD be a human, but should we call it one now while it's really just a little glob? I don't think so.

There's a lot of potential in this world, but let's not focus on "what could be". I think that's the main hang-up of those who are religious anyway. I suppose that's why it's difficult to dissuade them from ANY of the arguments because "what could be" is exactly what holds them to their beliefs. It's the basis of their life, really. Well... here... I've come to another stage of my deconversion: I"m no longer as slave to "what if".