Ugh, so it's been an entire month of holiday garbage. From the passive aggressive nature of my family during their meal time prayers or my parents trying to shove their Catholic bullshit down my young son's throat.

I want to scream at them, but I don't. I keep the peace and don't respond to their faces how angry they make me. So here it is, every response I have kept in my head.

"No mom, I may not believe in Jesus but I still like celebration because it is time I get to spend with my family. If you haven't noticed everyone in your generation is in their 50's now and all but one of my grandparents are dead."

"Really Dad? None of us deserve presents because we don't go to church? I pulled your depressed alcoholic son out of his funk by moving him back to his familial support system. He has a job, a truck and is back in school because of what I manage to do with my life...but please, tell me how bad of a person you think I am."

"Oh my uncle found Jesus a week ago? Jesus told him it wasn't his time? What a miracle, because to me it seems like he's dying from three different infections after numerous invasive surgeries. Oh wait, lets talk about this in the lobby, because the doctor is here to remove his breathing tube."

"Mom, please tell me you are just pretending to be so ignorant as to compare homosexuality to pedophilia. One is consenting adults trying to have the basic human rights as everyone else, and the other is someone who lusts after and molests CHILDREN."

"No I will not be teaching this Catholic garbage to my son, because even though my childhood was mostly not miserable 100% of all of the most horrible things in my life are connected to this religious bullshit. From being molested by my grandfather and being told that his sins were washed away by some imaginary sky dad to the terrifying fear of hell that kept me in an abusive relationship for the better part of a decade. I also won't be baptizing my second child."

"No, I do not want to go to church with you, I am not confused, I am not angry at god, I am not lost. I am an atheist."

"Oh? The Jahovah witnesses are cruel for not believing in blood transfusions? Tell me again how you support the Pope's anti-condom stance in Africa? Oh! Because if you are only having sex with your spouse you won't spread AIDS? You do know that you are still putting someone you love at risk of catching fucking AIDS right? If you have kids they could have it, and then spread it to their spouses... but what the fuck do I know right?"

"No, not agnostic. Atheist."

Views: 315

Comment by Strega on January 21, 2013 at 7:58pm

Ooh James, a perfect excuse for my next pictorial offering!

And yes, this one IS a spoof :)

Comment by archaeopteryx on September 28, 2013 at 12:57pm

"'Oh, my uncle found Jesus a week ago?' - I hadn't heard he was lost --

"Hey, you don't suppose he could give locating Jimmy Hoffa a shot?"

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