Pastor publicly executes christmas elf in protest against Satan's minions

John Knudsen, a Danish pastor at the Løkken Free Church in Vendsyssel,
has dealt the first blow against an enemy that he believes to be one of
greatest threat to Christmas. It is, of course, the Elf.

Many people imagine elves as Santa's little helpers making toys for
children or magical folk from Germanic and Norse Folklore, but not John
Knudsen. He believes that they are "poltergeists that come from the devil and make children sick" and that the decorating of elves at Christmas is "comparable to decorating with Nazi flags."

Since Mr. Knudson is a reasonable man, he decided to hang an elf by the
neck outside of his church. (Click here to see a picture) Accompanying the elf was a sign reading "we reject Satan and all his works and all his empty promises”,
a reference to the Christian baptism rite. The protest against Satan
and his elvish minions has also been supported by his parish and some
members of the town.

Since the pastor was unable to catch a real elf, the mock execution was
only performed on an effigy of a Christmas elf. However, many people
have asked, even threatened him to take the elf down. His decision to
ignore these requests has not gone unnoticed by the "elves", as
Knudson claims they have been sending him threatening letters. He also
reported the mysterious appearance of a dozen or so metre-high gnomes
outside of his home.

Refusing to give up the fight, the pastor set up a night watch to
prevent the elf from being stolen before it's scheduled removal on
Sunday. However, one resident managed to take the elf down in broad
daylight on Monday and also left behind a note to reassure the pastor
that it would be "kept safe until after the New Year".

Knudson, obviously worried about elven poltergeists infecting the
children his beloved town, reported the theft to the police. Despite a
confession from the thief, the police refused to press charges on the
grounds that their "caseload was too heavy to make investigating theft of a stuffed toy elf a priority".

From my blog: Atheist Zoo

Views: 111

Comment by David Kenneth Craggs on December 8, 2010 at 7:00pm
I suppose at least he's not hanging secularists in the imaginary war on christmas.
Comment by David Kenneth Craggs on December 9, 2010 at 7:45am
That reminds me of an interesting question: If you choked a smurf, what colour would it turn?


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