In the beginning, god was created in the image of Man.
And the earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep.
And 14.4 billion years ago, all matter was created, and from this explosion eventually came atoms and matter, which grew large and firm, and when sufficient amount of matter gathered together, the matter could not help itself, and began to fuse and from that fusion of matter escaped particle wave forms of various frequencies, and there was light!
And stars exploded, seeding the universe with heavier matter, fusing them into carbon, and oxygen, and thine heavy metals, and it was good. And new younger stars were formed from the detritus, as were the billions of planets. And many of these planets began not only to revolve around a star, but around their axis, and so divided the light from the dark. And so far, it was good.
And when the hemisphere of one small, insignificant mostly iron rock faced the sun it was called day, and when it rotated away, it was called night.
And the firmament continued to expand, while showing the signs of a distant, massive, unimaginable explosion, and displaying billions upon billions of galaxies, each containing billions and billions of stars, each of which was orbited by planets of various size, mass, material and gravity.
And on this third rock from the sun, given its rotating molten core of iron, volcanoes exploded, the land masses moved, grew and fell, and the waters separated from the land.
And the tiniest bits of proteins were formed and began to replicate. When they grew numerous and began to specialize, they brought forth plant and eventually animal life, and it was good.
And creatures developed gills to retrieve oxygen from water, flexible spines or exoskeletons, and grew fins or arms which allowed them to self propel, away from predators and in search of food and potential mates;
And other creatures grew large, light, and feathered limbs which allowed them achieve flight due to having proper weight ratios permitting aerodynamic lift and propulsive thrust.
And the axis of the earth was tilted, quite possibly due to an early collision with another planet or planetoid, and which likely led to the creation of earth’s orbiting partner, Luna.
And Luna’s creation created tidal forces, and the tilt of the axis created seasons, to which the fauna and flora grew and changed and adapted, and the miniscule changes in temperature and relative length of daylight, were called seasons; and permitted swimming in the summer and skiing in the winter, and it was really good.
And the creatures, the fauna and flora, were fruitful, as were the fruit trees, and they multiplied, and it was really, really good.
And there grew great beasts, and large flying creatures, and even larger fish, living and multiplying, until a straying meteor hit the earth, and caused planetary changes so vast and far reaching that entire species were killed off, leaving only traces of bones and skin, and it was really really really good, because it permitted a rather peculiar smaller critter, rather small, weak, pitiful, and smart, to develop, a furry, four limbed critter with opposable thumbs, and a large brain case, and she was called Lucy, and she was good.
And Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds left many relatives who evolved into differing branches, and grew further and further apart, and as they all evolved, they developed into different sizes, shapes, and types, and there was man. And that wasn’t all that bad either.
And man grew and was fruitful and multiplied, and man’s innate curiosity, combined with a lack of knowledge and a need to find explanations, created fairy tales, tales to explain the seasons, and the volcanoes, and the earthquakes, and the snows, and to explain why disease came, and what foodstuffs were not palatable in certain seasons, and that blood transfusions could save lives, but could also kill, and that man needed some rules to better be able to live and organize, and it was great.
Except while concocting these early tales, these early explanations and descriptions, Man made a huge error, and it was called God, and it was bad.
And this man-made god was quickly shown to be an idiot, for this all-knowing, all-seeing make believe critter was quickly turned into the source of all, including light, heat, cold, wind, life, and death, and all to often these teachings of god replaced innate, natural, and health curiosity and imagination, and forced stilted irrational thought to replace all that was good about humanity, and it was bad, awfully bad.
And this god was so error prone and stupid that when he “created” man, he forgot that he created a sexually active, curious, and creative creature. And when he learned of this first mistake, he realized that he lost his initial blueprints for Man, and he had to steal sufficient bone marrow to clone and engineer a female version of Man, and that was good. And thank god for all the future cleaving that this caused to be, including but not limited to members of opposite sexes, and including those who prefer their own sex. And the cleaving is good.
But then this god, knowing just what kind of curious creature he concocted, gave them a chance at learning be eating an otherwise wholesome and vitamin rich fruit called apple, HE blamed Man for eating it! And so he punished man using a dirty, filthy, rotten trick which he himself created, and it was truly bad.
Then god made a funny. Even though this Adam guy and this Eve person cleaved and cleaved and cleaved again, and from this cleaving they had many sons. And here’s the really funny – their cleaving created no daughters, and yet, Cain managed to find a wife, and this was weird. Although the part about living 800+ years wasn’t all that bad.
Then, after ignoring Man, and ignoring how much damage religion had causes, thru the worst efforts, lies, deceit and manipulation of priests and ministers, and rabbis and imams, and those who would rather preach about god, rather than learn and teach the sciences, this god finally decided to flood the planet and kill off most humans, mainly for committing the crime of being, well, human. And this was ridiculous. As was the idea that a rising sea, even one 15 cubits higher, could cover huge mountainous areas like the Alps, the Himalayas or the Andes. And this was ineffably stupid.
Almost as stupid that one man-made boat could carry every living creature, plus enough forage, food, water, etc for the creatures to survive for 40 days.