Outted on Easter...ohhh the irony.

So first off I'd like to apologize for not being around much. Apparently a few of you have missed me and I am sorry. I have just been redonculously busy lately.

And to make matters worse...today was shit.

I had a lovely Easter. All my family came over to my parents' and we had a great lil brunch get-together. Afterward, my mom was driving me back to my apartment in the city. She asked me what I thought of the new church they were going to (where we went that morning) and I sort of gave an ambivalent response. She asked if I missed church at all, and I decided that I wasn't going to lie about this anymore. So one question led to another and she finally asked:

"So what do you believe in?"

to which I responded

"I don't believe in god."

She freaked.

She started crying and yelling. She wondered how I could just give up god after so long. She didn't understand where I got my answers then. She wants to know how I could let science get in the way of my faith (when I told her religion contradicted too much with scientific fact).

She told me...that she felt like a failure because all she ever wanted was to raise good christian children.

What the fuck am I supposed to say to that?

Nevermind that I am a good girl and have never gotten into any serious trouble. I do well in school and am responsible. I am (I feel) a pretty good daughter. Obviously none of that matters. I feel that I could have told her I was pregnant and it would have been less of an issue as long as I still wuvved jeebus.

It went on a bit, then she dropped me off in awkward silence, saying "this isn't the end of this."

Great. Just fucking great.

So this wasn't a very meaty post, but I needed to vent. And who better to share my coming out story with than all my thinkatheist pals.

Anyone else with sticky outting stories have any advice for a very stressed out Sniz?

Views: 75

Comment by Jin-oh Choi on April 12, 2009 at 9:14pm
Oh crap, I'm sorry to hear that. I'm in a similar situation except my parents have just kind accepted the fact I don't believe in a god and have in a way moved on. But my younger sister on the other hand, well that's another question. It's kind of why I bought my own home. She doesn't just drop in anymore.

Hope things are less stressed for you. But remember you're among pals here.
Comment by David M. Beyer on April 12, 2009 at 9:14pm
7 years ago my mom called on easter, half-drunk, crying about how she raised 3 agnostics and an athiest and how we're all going to hell. I told her that she did an incredible thing-- we were all alive and capable of making up our own minds. So even though we didn't come to the same decision as she did, she prepared us to think for ourselves...
Come to think of it, that didn't put her at ease at all.
Comment by a7 on April 12, 2009 at 9:40pm
hi from glasgow scotland

firstly, it was a great wee story. You handled it vevy well.

It would not matter how yo approached it, remember it was their day (hehe). pick another day, or take mum out for a meal and bring it up. say all the positive things you wrote while adding its not meant as a slap in the face, its just that you have come to a time in your life blah blah blah.

don't be aggressive with your stances, if it was anybody but a mother i would be aggressive but not her. Asked her to help you out and then start rhyming off your doubts. Please have a wee look at my blog titles the way forward for the atheist movement. I always take the tact i describe on the blog.

have a read and let us know what you think and then join my group the think atheist rangers supporters group.

keep safe

Comment by a7 on April 12, 2009 at 9:44pm
me again

Don't rabbit on, just say your first wee couplemof points, you wont get any real answer bar faith. their will be silence, dont spoil the night continue with family talk and chit chat. after evertthing is ok the attack again with another wee point and ask for her help.

let her see how lauhabe and sad the bible really is. Iam starting to rant now,

Comment by jen o on April 12, 2009 at 9:55pm
we just kinda came out to my husbands family about a month ago. it was stressful at first, but it has smoothed out now. the funny thing is that our daughter was the one that told them lol. they kinda already knew that we weren't into church anymore but they didnt know that we totally denounced christianity.

thing is, my daughter(4yrs) and i were out shopping one day and she started praying to jesus. i asked her if she knew who that was and she said yes. i told her that he doesnt exist and she argued with me about it. i was furiated, but not at her because i knew it was mamaw who told her this. as soon as that happened, i told my husband we need to come out and let the family know so they will stop teaching our child rubbish.

so anyways, they were at our house one evening and mamaw asked her about spending the night the upcoming saturday, she then told her to bring an outfit for church in case they decide to go. my daughter told her, no, i cant go to church with you anymore. they were a little confused and shocked. they were in the living room and i was in the kitchen and my husband was outside, so i was trapped inside with the in-laws. it was scary!! so my father-in-law hollared and asked me if that was right and i said with confidence, yes sir it is!!! he then walked thru the kitchen and out the backdoor to have a chat with my husband about it.

the conversation went good. my husband just simply asked, you know we are homeschooling our children because we dont feel comfortable letting other people do our job of teaching our children? we feel the same way about religion. thats something we will teach her about ourselves when she is ready. we plan to teach her about all of them in fact that way she can see how silly they are. and then reason on her own about whats true to her. we dont want to indoctrinate her, but we feel that if we arent the ones that teach her about it then someone else will. its good to be religiously literate in a world full of theists. and science is the best tool for teaching critical thinking.

anyways, they have been very cooperative so far. the only thing that sucks now is that when our daughter spends the night on a sat night, they drop her off at 8 in the morning on their way to church. kinda sucks but its worth my childs sanity in the future.

i def can relate to you as far as the disappointment goes. you cant help but feel like a failure in your parents eyes. you just cant dwell in that type of thinking. its not anyone elses job to like you or approve of you, it your job. just keep positive with your mom, and keep showing her that you love her. its her business if she wants to be worried about your soul, let her do it. its not any harm to you. but it will harm you if you let it in your mind. show her the respect for her beliefs that you want from her for your beliefs. you must be the change you wish to see in the world : )

you will get through it alright
Comment by James on April 12, 2009 at 10:20pm
I'm sorry to here she reacted that way Sniz. I'm lucky that my parents realize that I am a good person (without believing in a god), and that's good enough for them. Religion never really comes up in discussion though. In the rare occasion that it does, I always refer to bible references that they don't know about. My mom will usually just say, "does it say that?". And I'll say yup, I've read more that just the 'directors cut' bible, which it also a big part to me not believing. These convos always end quick though, with a half victory for me (as I don't want to push the issue and test my luck).

Hopefully she'll simmer down Sniz, but I'm afraid there may be some rough seas ahead. Just keep your head down and do your best. Don't give in to that kind of treatment or act like they want to think Atheists act. With a careful and caring approach, you should be able to let her see that you are still you. Also, be sure to tell her that you have been a non-believer for some time. It makes a bigger difference that you may think. Especially when she realizes that she never noticed a difference in you.
Comment by Misty: Baytheist Living! on April 12, 2009 at 10:48pm
Good luck, Sniz!
You've got people here to vent to!
Comment by Morgan Matthew on April 12, 2009 at 11:19pm
Sniz thanks alot for sharing your story keep us updated with what happens next. We are all here for you.

Comment by CJoe on April 12, 2009 at 11:24pm
Hey... not sure if you've read any of my blogs, but... I'm in it with ya. I just had pretty much the exact same thing happen, except it was in an email (lucky me). I'm sure if I'd had the nuts like you to say it in person, she would've reacted exactly the same way yours did. I mean... the fact that they take it personally is so upsetting! Can you really guilt someone back into the faith? "OH! I'm such a bad mother! You should validate me by saying you believe!"

Arg. I know we don't know each other, but... if you ever need to talk, hit me up. Either way, I still think it's cool we get to be on the crest of the wave that is the Age of Intellect I hope :)... (we're like Rosa Parks or Ellen D haha).
Comment by Scadilla on April 12, 2009 at 11:38pm
I'm sure initially it's stressful, but it's much healthier to do away with the charade and come clean. You'll see. Of all people coming out to your parents is the hardest, because they're the ones who have the most invested in you, emotionally at least, so it's especially shocking to them. Not everyone has the guts to do what you just did, especially on Easter, lol. I'm really proud of you. High five!


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