Comment by Jin-oh Choi on April 12, 2009 at 9:14pm

Oh crap, I'm sorry to hear that. I'm in a similar situation except my parents have just kind accepted the fact I don't believe in a god and have in a way moved on. But my younger sister on the other hand, well that's another question. It's kind of why I bought my own home. She doesn't just drop in anymore.

Hope things are less stressed for you. But remember you're among pals here.

Comment by Nelson on April 12, 2009 at 9:14pm

oh no, Sniz, i'm sorry. that sucks. i wish i could offer some advice but i've never had any experience with that having never been raised in a religious environment. hopefully some others will share their experiences and possibly provide some advice.
for now i guess i'd tell her what you just told us, assuming you didn't already, that you haven't based your decisions on god or religion for a while now and it's not like you're suddenly a horrible person, kicking puppies and pushing old ladies down on the street. reinforce the fact that you're a good student, that you've never been in serious trouble and that there's no reason to think that is going to change. other than that just keep your chin up. you did the right thing by being honest and true to yourself.

Comment by David M. Beyer on April 12, 2009 at 9:14pm

7 years ago my mom called on easter, half-drunk, crying about how she raised 3 agnostics and an athiest and how we're all going to hell. I told her that she did an incredible thing-- we were all alive and capable of making up our own minds. So even though we didn't come to the same decision as she did, she prepared us to think for ourselves...
Come to think of it, that didn't put her at ease at all.

Comment by a7 on April 12, 2009 at 9:40pm

hi from glasgow scotland

firstly, it was a great wee story. You handled it vevy well.

It would not matter how yo approached it, remember it was their day (hehe). pick another day, or take mum out for a meal and bring it up. say all the positive things you wrote while adding its not meant as a slap in the face, its just that you have come to a time in your life blah blah blah.

don't be aggressive with your stances, if it was anybody but a mother i would be aggressive but not her. Asked her to help you out and then start rhyming off your doubts. Please have a wee look at my blog titles the way forward for the atheist movement. I always take the tact i describe on the blog.

have a read and let us know what you think and then join my group the think atheist rangers supporters group.

keep safe

george

Comment by a7 on April 12, 2009 at 9:44pm

me again

Don't rabbit on, just say your first wee couplemof points, you wont get any real answer bar faith. their will be silence, dont spoil the night continue with family talk and chit chat. after evertthing is ok the attack again with another wee point and ask for her help.

let her see how lauhabe and sad the bible really is. Iam starting to rant now,

bye

Comment by Clancy Aimers-McGuinness on April 12, 2009 at 9:51pm

It's funny, I think I know how your mother and other people like that feel.

A few years ago my best friend, who I always assumed was agnostic, or at the very least pagan, suddenly did an about face and told me one day that she was a born again Christian. I couldn't believe how incredibly hurt I was that this woman, who I thought of as very intelligent...trained in science, could turn to something that I thought repugnant.

But I love her, and I still do love her. The reasons for that have not changed. Though sometimes I find Im watching my tongue a bit more.

I got over it.

Im sure your mum will too.

Comment by jen o on April 12, 2009 at 9:55pm

we just kinda came out to my husbands family about a month ago. it was stressful at first, but it has smoothed out now. the funny thing is that our daughter was the one that told them lol. they kinda already knew that we weren't into church anymore but they didnt know that we totally denounced christianity.

thing is, my daughter(4yrs) and i were out shopping one day and she started praying to jesus. i asked her if she knew who that was and she said yes. i told her that he doesnt exist and she argued with me about it. i was furiated, but not at her because i knew it was mamaw who told her this. as soon as that happened, i told my husband we need to come out and let the family know so they will stop teaching our child rubbish.

so anyways, they were at our house one evening and mamaw asked her about spending the night the upcoming saturday, she then told her to bring an outfit for church in case they decide to go. my daughter told her, no, i cant go to church with you anymore. they were a little confused and shocked. they were in the living room and i was in the kitchen and my husband was outside, so i was trapped inside with the in-laws. it was scary!! so my father-in-law hollared and asked me if that was right and i said with confidence, yes sir it is!!! he then walked thru the kitchen and out the backdoor to have a chat with my husband about it.

the conversation went good. my husband just simply asked, you know we are homeschooling our children because we dont feel comfortable letting other people do our job of teaching our children? we feel the same way about religion. thats something we will teach her about ourselves when she is ready. we plan to teach her about all of them in fact that way she can see how silly they are. and then reason on her own about whats true to her. we dont want to indoctrinate her, but we feel that if we arent the ones that teach her about it then someone else will. its good to be religiously literate in a world full of theists. and science is the best tool for teaching critical thinking.

anyways, they have been very cooperative so far. the only thing that sucks now is that when our daughter spends the night on a sat night, they drop her off at 8 in the morning on their way to church. kinda sucks but its worth my childs sanity in the future.

i def can relate to you as far as the disappointment goes. you cant help but feel like a failure in your parents eyes. you just cant dwell in that type of thinking. its not anyone elses job to like you or approve of you, it your job. just keep positive with your mom, and keep showing her that you love her. its her business if she wants to be worried about your soul, let her do it. its not any harm to you. but it will harm you if you let it in your mind. show her the respect for her beliefs that you want from her for your beliefs. you must be the change you wish to see in the world : )

you will get through it alright

Comment by James on April 12, 2009 at 10:20pm

I'm sorry to here she reacted that way Sniz. I'm lucky that my parents realize that I am a good person (without believing in a god), and that's good enough for them. Religion never really comes up in discussion though. In the rare occasion that it does, I always refer to bible references that they don't know about. My mom will usually just say, "does it say that?". And I'll say yup, I've read more that just the 'directors cut' bible, which it also a big part to me not believing. These convos always end quick though, with a half victory for me (as I don't want to push the issue and test my luck).

Hopefully she'll simmer down Sniz, but I'm afraid there may be some rough seas ahead. Just keep your head down and do your best. Don't give in to that kind of treatment or act like they want to think Atheists act. With a careful and caring approach, you should be able to let her see that you are still you. Also, be sure to tell her that you have been a non-believer for some time. It makes a bigger difference that you may think. Especially when she realizes that she never noticed a difference in you.

Comment by Misty: Baytheist Living! on April 12, 2009 at 10:48pm

Good luck, Sniz!
You've got people here to vent to!

Comment by Morgan Matthew on April 12, 2009 at 11:19pm

Sniz thanks alot for sharing your story keep us updated with what happens next. We are all here for you.

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