I need to preface this entry with letting you know I've only recently began really exploring what it means to be an atheist and what implications it has on my life and future. I've known for a long time that I didn't think God existed but never sat down and thought about it. I've now started that process.

I just finished watching Richard Dawkins "Root of All Evil". If you've never seen it I would strongly suggest it.

I am overwhelmed right now.

I am amazed and angered that I was lied to and raised to be afraid of life.
More than anything I want to stop living my life to the expectations of others around me and take the most from it while I'm here. I've spent so much of my life trying to make everyone proud of me by being a "good christian" or always making "responsible decisions". In reality I was scared shitless of disapproval from my family, friends and in the end, God. Why would I place their happiness with my life above my own when I'm the one living it?
Again, I am overwhelmed right now.

I need a hug.

Views: 2

Comment by Frink on January 8, 2009 at 12:44pm
*hug*

I recently purchased Root of All Evil plus the Uncut Interviews DVDs from the Richard Dawkins website, but haven't gotten to them yet (still working on the "Discussions" series). I'll be sure to check them out.

Anyway, take it easy, deep breaths and all that. Many of us went through a period of grieving or disillusionment after embracing atheism (or, for some of us, simply falling away from faith). Mine was especially rough. I sort of felt like Winston, in George Orwell's 1984: trapped. I distinctly remember gazing out the window on a road trip a few summers ago while thinking "everything is tainted."

Naturally, I shared the sort of resentment you expressed for having wasted so much of my life living up to other people's impossible standards. The anger passes, but the resentment doesn't (hasn't for me, anyway). The best thing you could do right now is take an objective look at things and ask yourself "Where do I go from here?"

It's almost fascinating how these religions stick around and grab hold of us the way they do. Dawkins has a pretty good description of how it all came about and why it propagates when he explains the roots and survival of it as cultural memes. It's either the fourth or fifth chapter of The God Delusion. You should check it out.
Comment by Stacie on January 8, 2009 at 3:43pm
wow HUGS

I just said the same exact thing last night in chat last night Erica! I mean to a T!

"I am amazed and angered that I was lied to and raised to be afraid of life.
More than anything I want to stop living my life to the expectations of others around me and take the most from it while I'm here. I've spent so much of my life trying to make everyone proud of me by being a "good christian" or always making "responsible decisions". In reality I was scared shitless of disapproval from my family, friends and in the end, God. Why would I place their happiness with my life above my own when I'm the one living it?
Again, I am overwhelmed right now."

for me it was like being able to see wind wisping along on how clearly I started to see things...
Comment by Mike on January 8, 2009 at 7:20pm
This was a realiztion that i am still grapling with. To truely learn how to put your needs and wants first was difficult for me. I've always tried to please my parents and those i held in high respect around me, even if that meant i was giving up what i wanted. I hope you have an easier time letting go of what others think. Trust me, it doesn't come without loss of closeness to those still involved with religion.
Comment by Sophie on January 9, 2009 at 7:49am

Comment by Luna Agimat on January 9, 2009 at 1:37pm
Group Hug everyone! Almost cry reading your comments.. Similar situation we got there Erica. I think the best people in this world are atheist! Hope my family and friends knows...

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