Hello everyone, I am a 19 year old guy living in the middle east. I was born there and raised by my middle eastern Muslim family. I was a typical middle eastern child at first, I used to believe in god because my parents told me to. But I really asked so many questions when I was young. Questions like "Where is God,why is he hiding?", "Why did God make the demon evil if he does not want evil?" or "Why did he create hell if he is kind and wants peace and love?". They actually gave me the same answer to every question which is "You will never understand the wisdom of god, do not ask questions like this!" I was never convinced by such answer because I always thought that if I were God,I would have created a peaceful world with loving people and no evil inside their hearts.
But that is not how things go in the real world. We all see how much this planet suffers from poverty, destruction, humiliation, killing, chaos, depression and suffering people. I would not accept such things if I were god,but where is he? He does not even exist. I was scared to discuss such stuff with my family members or anyone else because where I live,if someone is somehow different, then it is OK to do anything to them even when it comes to killing. So I kept hiding all my secrets, tried to be someone who is not me. I ended up suffering from major depression and anxiety. I am always worried about myself and I am always sad that I am not allowed to have my freedom when it comes to my way of thinking or other aspects of life.
People in general here are like sheep, all must have the same way of thinking in which everyone must be homophobic, everyone must disrespect non Muslims although they claim otherwise, everyone must hate other religions or ideologies. Even my family, when they doubted that I am an atheist, they started to look at me the looks of disrespect and anger, they started to keep asking me questions about how great god is or how merciful he is. Until one my dad made a huge fight with me and said I surrendered to the devil and I will burn in hell and threatening stuff like these, I was so scared so I told that I love god so much and I am a follower of Muhammad the messenger of Allah just to escape from the disasters that can happen to me if I said the opposite.
From that moment, I became sure that my parents do not love me for being their son, they only do because they think I am just like them and when they doubted that, all their love transformed in extreme hatred and darkness filled their eyes. I reached the extent that I started to self harm to remove the anger and frustration inside me, I kept crying for years in the bathroom where no one could hear me and I ended my relationship with my long distance girlfriend who I loved so much because I was too scared my family finding out that. I am writing all of this not to worsen the reputation of the Muslims or Islam. I am just stating what I saw in my life and how I was affected by living under Islam. I know how the Muslims are going to refute me, some will be foolish enough by insult me and sending me death threats, and some other wise ones will bring sentences from the Quran that says that there must be love and peace between Muslims and non Muslims. it IS true to be honest, there are sentences in the Quran that talked about love and peace. But isn't funny when the exact opposite is also written in the same book.
The Quran is always like: Allah the most merciful and forgiving but if you do not die as a Muslim, then i will never forgive you and you will burn for ever in hell......How cute of him...So is he merciful or is he a brute because I am confused now? Both? maybe, if so...then he created religion discrimination...oh wait, he also said that Christians are people full of mercy...but if they kept on being Christians they are going to suffer for the rest of eternity....AGAIN..is ALLAH trying to be open minded with other religions or is he trying to make a religion war between the people around this planet? It is so freaking confusing...Or the fact in the Quran that says that most of the people created by god are not gonna be saved from the fires of hell!....how adorable, it almost gave me goose bumps, I have a question, have you Muslims forgot about the divine plan? He said that everything is arranged according to his desires and specifications and since most of us will be burnt in hell, then i guess this means...he wants it....Merciful and forgiving, those are just few examples, there is also sexism, homophobia, violence and sadistic rules such as stoning people to death for having sex.
I have a little advice, instead of hating on the western world and slut shaming their women and sending death threats to gays, you should focus on making your home a better place, try to earn respect, try to accept different people and stop hating on different people, wake up and know the truth!