Comment by Nelson on March 5, 2012 at 1:35am

My friendish-acquaintance who sits by me in my biology class complained that the worksheet we had been asked to fill out last week was one he did not like because the questions made him sad. I was appalled by what he said. If we avoid answering or thinking about questions that make us sad, or angry, or that make us question our beliefs or what we know, then we will forever live in our own ignorance.

This just happened to me at dinner last night with my family. The conversation came around to Stephen Hawking and one of my uncles mentioned hearing something about how Hawking a few months back had been going around saying that physics had progressed to the point that there was no room for God anymore. My uncle expressed the opinion that this was sad. I told him in a matter of fact way that this wasn't just Hawking's opinion, this was the consensus among physicists and cosmologists. We know enough about physics to say that there's no room for God. He again just said that that was sad and just sort of trailed off...

And I thought, what difference does it make that it makes you sad? That it makes you sad is no more to the point than that it might make an atheist happy. What's true is true whether it makes us sad or not. We need to adopt a commitment to follow the evidence where it leads.

About your confidence, it'll come in time. You'll grow in it as you read more and become more comfortable in your views by spending time on TA and realizing that, not only aren't you alone, you're a member of the fastest growing group of any of those with opinions on religion.

Comment by x on March 5, 2012 at 6:36am

HI Taylor;

I had a very productive weekend, thank you.

I’m sorry you are having a rough time of it. The religulous can make life difficult that is for sure. I’ve been a skeptic of religion for a long time and somewhat outspoken about being an atheist. I have always thought it important to be outspoken around my family so any other budding skeptics might know there are others.

Having said that, each of us has a different path dependant on our situation and our personalities. I don’t think I would let myself become sick over it and I try to avoid situations that will even make me uncomfortable. Like you, I have a lot of respect for Jessica Ahlquist but she was in a public school, not a Christian school.

You should probably just play it cool until your situation changes. Maybe take a devil’s advocate approach when it seems warranted. I know that in your situation I would not push the envelope. It isn’t that I don’t have confidence in my position, rather that there are other things in this life that are important too. We all have to have balance in our lives and not let one aspect take over the whole of it. I wish you luck in finding that balance.

~Dave

Comment by Milos Cakovan on March 5, 2012 at 9:17am

Being atheist can be alienating and tough in most situations, but I can't even being to imagine how it is in a christian school.

But just the simple fact that you are actually attending a christian school, and surviving with your sanity shows that you are a lot stronger than you say you are.

You might not be as outspoken about atheism like some, but everything has its time.

I agree with the previous comment from David; just play it cool for now. When you are ready to be open about your atheism you will be. 

If it helps at all, the way I deal with religious situations, like having to go to church with my wife from time to time, or being around her uber religious brother and his family, I just take it as a front row seat to an inside look at religious people. Like the crocodile hunter, observing a croc in its natural habitat, you get to observe religious people in their natural habitat, and you get to see them with their guard down, in a place where no one will criticize them for their crazy opinions and beliefs. You get to hear what they really think.

You are a fox in the hen house. A wolf in sheep's clothing would be a more appropriate analogy, since all christians are J-zeus' flock. You pretty much have a back stage pass to the minds of religious people. I say enjoy it! The feeling of loneliness and depression will pass in time, as you get more comfortable with your surroundings. If it does not, then seek professional help. Depression is no joke.

Stay strong, and let this website be your outlet until you feel comfortable enough to speak openly about your atheism.

Comment by Chad Baxter on March 5, 2012 at 1:31pm

First time I have ever logged into a Atheist website / social area..  Sorry to hear about your troubles at school.  I can sort of relate but my story goes something like this:

I'm an Atheist, married to an almost Atheist.  We actually attend church every Sunday and I actually play piano for the praise band.  Each week at praise band practice the group has a little bible study and I just want to scream at them how crazy they all are for believing in this whole mess, but I don't.  Like you, I debate if I should continue to be part of this group or not.  My wife likes the church and the people are very nice and they do a lot of nice things for the community that I can buy into.  Keep your head up you will be fine.  I too wish I could sometimes wear a "I'm and Atheist" shirt to Church.  Some members of the praise band know that I am an Atheist and they have not overreacted, so you may find more acceptance then what you think.  Many people are more open to Atheism once you get to know them and they get to know you.  My goal is not to push Atheism on the people that I attend church with, but I'm more then willing to share my thoughts when approached by someone with questions on Atheism. 

I'm pleased to find a resource like this to lean on.  Good luck to you at school, I'm sure things will work out.

Comment by Heather Spoonheim on March 5, 2012 at 1:46pm

Your only 'duty as an Atheist' is believing that which can reasonably be proven and not believing things because of social pressures.  Theism is about truth being dictated by authority (be it social or institutional) and A-theism is about not submitting to such authority.

Now, if you want to rage against the machine - well that's another thing entirely.  I happen to be an anti-theist and that's my thing; there is no reason for you to feel pressured to make it your thing.  You'll voice your opinion when you are ready and the situation warrants it - until then just relax and enjoy living without the fear of being burned alive for eternity.

Comment by Kevin Longmore on March 5, 2012 at 2:30pm

Be proud of your freethinking and you will come across people like you. I for one wish you well and hope you overcome your situation. Wishing you all the best, as we say in the UK.

Comment by Julia Arena Miller on March 5, 2012 at 4:02pm

Taylor, I am going to risk sounding like a MOM and tell you that I understand what you are going through and it can be very frustrating and even depressing at times to feel like you are living a lie. You have, however, enrolled in a christian college and you are now in a christian camp. While you are there I would recommend not throwing rocks! It will make them feel like you are attacking them in their back yard because that is what you would be doing. Don't get the t-shirt. My guess is that you chose this college for convenience or parent pressure, but regardless of why, you are there now, so ride it out. Get your degree and then move on.

You most likely will not be able to retain too many friends from your college days because they will be devoted followers of what you cannot support or take seriously. If you expose yourself forcefully, they will see you as the enemy or feel it is their duty to "fix" you. You will also be better off not trying to find a christian boy to get involved with because you most likely will never be able to see eye to eye with him on his religious beliefs. Wait until you are in a better environment where you will find people of many different beliefs. There are many people out there who believe as you do and you will find one. I did! It is a much better life you will have when you can both agree on how to live and what is important and how to raise your children. Mine are being raised as atheists.

You have not told your parents and I see that as the biggest hurdle to jump in your growth as an atheist at peace with herself. If you want to alleviate some frustrations I would start by telling my parents. If they are good parents they will get very upset for awhile, angry even, but then they will get over it and respect your ability to think for yourself. You will feel much better about yourself in the process too because you will not be hiding anything from them. Your parents will always love you even if they don't agree with you. Mine accepted my right to believe as I wished to even though I got thrown out of religion class at least once a week at my catholic high school for asking too many questions. When I told my parents I was an atheist they were terrified. I explained why I believed this way and they got over it. Your parents will too!

Most importantly, the beauty of an atheist's lack of religion is that there is no higher being telling you to spread the word and convert the planet! It is not your job to show everyone how they are wrong about their religion. That is christian thinking! Be at peace with who you are and be happy that you are free from their nonsense. Ease up on trying to justify to anyone why you feel what you feel. If you feel it and you believe it, that is all you need. Be proud of yourself that you had the intelligence to think beyond the preaching to ask the questions that brought you to your new beliefs. Be proud that you had the bravery to reject your upbringing for a higher form of thought. I believe that many people end up in your position but do not have the bravery to even voice the thoughts to their own consciousness much less the people around them. I am proud of you Taylor!

Comment by Daniel Vrangsinn on March 5, 2012 at 4:35pm

When you let your fear of failing keep you from even trying

you choose to fail just like you fail to live every minute you spend dying.

Yeah. It is hard to be special :) But what you are is nothing to be ashamed of. Be proud dear friend

Comment by C Elaine Clark on March 5, 2012 at 4:46pm

Dear Taylor, Please don't take life so seriously.... You don't have to go around telling everyone you are an atheist. that's almost as bad as everyone telling you they are a christian, You are young be happy. Wear a I love my cat Tee shirt ,  Wait till the time comes up naturally to discuss what you believe in. You might turn people off if you come on to strong.  Just go with the flow ( that doesn't mean follow the crowd ) it means follow your flow..... learn to breath :)

 sending you lots of LOVE .....<3 

Comment by Matt Lutostanski on March 5, 2012 at 11:39pm

Dear Taylor,

I was the stereotypical Catholic Alter Boy character until I hit college. All of my belief peeled away very slowly in my first few years (about 10 years ago now) and it wasn't until about 5 years ago that I really grew comfortable with God not existing.

I spent a good amount of energy LYING to my relatives and friends that I still had "a little faith" left in my tank, and that I would "consider" going back to church. I can only imagine what it feels like to go to a Christian School where 99% of your "peers" are drinking the Kool-Aide, but I can tell you that once the time was right and I could say it out loud, becoming an Atheist was the single most LIBERATING emotional/spiritual feelings I've ever had in my whole life.

Just remember you won't always have to hide your secret. I like to say that as time rolls on, Old Intolerant people are DYING and the increasingly well informed internet age is THRIVING! It gets better.

I'm "Wishing" for you to have your coming out soon! Hang in there.

LUTO

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