My journey through another step of healing...with....woo

My best friend and I were victimized by her stepdad at 13/14 years old. We did not fully understand what happened to us until about 2 or 3 years ago....

She has been seeing a theta healer, and I have stuck with traditional therapy, but we are both ready to take a giant step. She is paying for me to have a session by myself, and then we are going to have a joint session together...to focus what we went through together...

I know it is woo. But even if it ends up "working" it will be worth it if one or both of us comes out stronger. I think it will be very healing for her, because she believes in it....for me, just the fact that we can talk about it, and say what needs to be said. We are both weary and worn down by a lifetime of abuse...we both want to be free of it already! We both are ready to do this..

What he did to us was and still is a source of the deepest kind of pain. Neither one of us wants to be like this anymore. We just want it to stop. Make it stop.


Who cares if it's woo. I will try anything once, lol

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Comment by Reg The Fronkey Farmer on December 22, 2015 at 4:41am

I think you will both cover more ground by discussing the abuse together. You have a shared experience where you can both be very open with each other. That will be the key to your mutual success. Theta Healing is complete Woo. Any success it seems to have is down to getting people to talking about their problems and then feeling better. That is all. You will both become stronger by talking to each other and getting professional help if still needed.

Comment by Belle Rose on December 22, 2015 at 11:26am
We did talk a lot about it. Last night we talked more about it than we had in years....or actually ever. I guess I am wondering if you think there's any harm in doing this. For her, she believes it. So it will help her. For me, I don't believe it, but I am willing to suspend that disbelief for my friend. Because it will help her....you know? Am I thinking right about this?
Comment by Reg The Fronkey Farmer on December 22, 2015 at 3:55pm

Theta healing is not scientific. It was “invented” by some New Age quack that claimed to have cured herself of cancer at the “quantum” level. It is such rubbish that it is not even worthy of any scientific investigation. While I am unsure of how your friend believes it is working I would suspect it is something along these lines;

She has only recently sought “professional” support to deal with the abuse. She has unburdened herself to the “healer”. This has made her feel better. Talking or discussing our problems with a sympathetic ear always helps. She now equates the sensation of feeling less stressed about it with being in a recovery process. She has just had a long conversation with you and this has reinforced the idea that emotional support is the way to recovery.

To some extent this feeling of recovery stems from the emotional support she is now receiving but it does not deal with the root issues that caused those emotions in the first place. Learning how to handle those emotions it not the way to recovery. Understanding why she has them is. This is why I believe proper counselling from CBT accredited services should be used instead. Once the root cause is addressed the emotional healing will then take place naturally. Whatever progress your friend feels she has made is in spite of any “Theta Healing”. It is just down to the fact that someone listened to her.

It would (or will be) difficult to get her to understand this as she most likely has a strong emotional attachment to her “healer”. I would be careful about mentioning this to her but I would listen closely to see if she is somehow dependent on the “healer”. It does not matter how well-meaning or “qualified” the Theta healer believes they are. It is still junk science.

Personally I would decline the offer of a free session. I would not like to appear to give any validation to it. Going to it with her may make her feel better now but it will be useless in the long run as theta healing is itself useless.

Would it not be better if you could get her to attend a qualified service instead? Ask her if she thinks it might be a good idea because she can get a comparison. If she is very emotional about this then it proves the “healing” is not working. If she can give you level headed reasons (unemotional ones) as to why she does not need a CBT service then maybe she is on a better path to recovery than I suspect she is.

Bear in mind I am a few thousand miles away and I am not a qualified person in these matters. However CBT is now accepted as the norm. Theta Healing never will be. Whatever happens I think keeping the conversation going between yourselves will accomplish a lot more for both of you than any Woo ever will. I wish you both the best.

Comment by matt.clerke on December 22, 2015 at 4:20pm

Hi Belle, I think Reg is spot on about how this sort of woo works... You discuss your problems (with anyone, may as well be a stranger on the train) and you feel better for it. Couple that with the placebo effect from whatever woo woo ritual they do and you feel great.... as long as you come back next week for another $90 15 minute consultation.

If she's happy to pay, go and check it out. Just be aware and skeptical of any woo you find and have a nice time. I have no idea what Theta Healing is but I'm guessing it's something like reiki. The ritual of it should be enough to give you a placebo effect at the very least.

If at all possible, maybe you could return the favour by getting your friend to see a real therapist?

Comment by Belle Rose on December 22, 2015 at 4:24pm
I agree CBT is the way to go...I agree with you 100% about theta healing being quack. I already committed to going and I feel like if I backed out now it would be rude. My friend is anxious to hear how my experience was...then we were going to go together. I agree that simply talking through it is the best way. We are able to talk more about it now than ever before...

I am hoping that by talking it out, it will make us stronger. I have done a lot of work myself, but truthfully this is something that needs to happen for both of us. I feel very conflicted by this approach, but I figure I may be able to suggest real CBT after I have tried her thing....then I can say, "let me get you connected to the therapist that helped me at the ABQ rape crisis center...it is on me" maybe? I don't know....I sort of dug myself into a hole didn't I? I just hope something good comes of it....
Comment by TJ on December 22, 2015 at 4:28pm

There are actual professionals who specialize in rape counseling.  People who were having trouble decades after the rapes, and didn't even know the problems stemmed from unresolved issues regarding it, have been helped, immensely, by this type of counseling.

An actual psychologist/psychiatrist or at least a licensed counselor/SW, etc...who specializes in post rape issues...would be the way to go.

The problem with the woo woo stuff is that it delays real help, and, can also cause more harm, unintentionally.

Some of the purveyors of woo don't know they are quacks...they've convinced themselves the way a faith healer knows he can heal people with his touch, etc. 

You spend money with the woo woo and have none left for a real professional.

Some DO know they are quacks, and are just going to wring every last dime they can before you also know.

Comment by Judith van der Roos on December 22, 2015 at 4:47pm
Hello Belle.

I think each Survivor has to go through their own journey. Others can walk with us for a time but ultimately it is a path we each have to navigate for ourselves. Others will suggest things to try and help us, often we will seek out ways to help ourselves, sometimes others will think our chosen aids to be wrong or even foolish. The best of those who try to be there for us will let us make our mistakes, or try out the woo woo if you please. They will keep their own counsel, allow us to bump along and catch us when we stumble but they will never say " I told you so" because they know it is as much about the journey itself healing us as it is about what we do.

You are suuporting your friend, let her make her journey and be there to catch her should her chosen woo woo cause her to stumble. In helping her you are making your own journey. As you do not believe in her woo woo its unlikely to help you, for you the value is in supporting her -thats your woo woo if you like !

Kind regards,
Judith.
Comment by Belle Rose on December 22, 2015 at 4:58pm
Thank you Judith, that is pretty much how I see it too. I want to support her. As much as he hurt me, he hurt her 1000 times more...

I think that regardless of the setting there are things that need to be said. One very specific day of out lives that ripped both of our hearts out, and we've never recovered from it. I hope this process will help us. Or most importantly help her....I already have all the help I need...
Comment by Belle Rose on December 22, 2015 at 5:21pm
Well, I am off to see the wizard....lol....
Comment by Davis Goodman on December 22, 2015 at 6:22pm

There is nothing a charlatan with no education in psychology or counseling can offer you that cognitive therapy (and/or similar therapies) can offer you. This woo quack simply takes your money, gives you a sensational experience which tricks you into thinking you've quickly made some progress and you are left in a vulnerable and dangerous position. As my friend who went through this put it...the longer you allow yourself to repeat the same traumatic thoughts and fear and self-loathing and suspicion of people who shame you behind your back and the inadequacy and being deserving of the crime committed against them...the more you suffer and the more difficult it will be to make progress in real therapy.

What these people are doing is evil. Its a sham, money making, extremely dangerous business that will mostly hurt people's chance at progress (despite the momentary woo-buzz). It should be criminal. Belle...you've clearly made progress. Has your friend...honestly gotten anywhere with her woo-bullshit therapy?

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