My Experience With Parental Alienation

Never would I ever thought I would experience the severe trauma of parental alienation.

According to Wikipedia, Parental alienation is the process, and the result, of the psychological manipulation of a child into showing unwarranted fear, disrespect or hostility towards a parent or other family members.

First of all, I raised my daughter Hayley alone the first 10 years of her life in a town west of St. Louis, Missouri where we lived. During that time her mother wanted nothing to do with her, and that was obvious not only to myself but others as well.

So I was the primary caregiver for Hayley the first 10 years of her life. During that time, I spent a lot of time with Hayley trying to be the best father I could be with her.

Around the age of 10, Hayley's mother started spending time with her. Apparently Hayley's mother felt she could manipulate Hayley at that age.

In 2009 when Hayley was 11 her mother falsely accused me of physically abusing her and as a result I lost everything and everyone really. So I left the state and moved to Georgia. After the false allegations and losing everything I began writing Hayley letters.

At first Hayley responded to my letters and the letters I sent Hayley seemed to give her needed peace and happiness. And that was my intention when I would write Hayley these beautiful letters.

In 2011 I got a bunch of money and mailed a thousand dollars to Hayley in these cards and letters I would mail to Hayley. Hayley later told me she shared that money with her mother.

Then something happened and Hayley stopped responding to me, although I continued to hand write Hayley beautiful letters at least once a week until the year 2016, and I always mailed those to Hayley with a nice card to my ex in law's house because I never knew where Hayley lived. Hayley eventually told me she did read and receive all the letters I did mail to her.

In 2015 I was living in Milwaukee, Wisconsin and decided to move back to Missouri to attempt to see Hayley. There was a warrant for my arrest in Missouri for probation violation so I turned myself in once I arrived in St. Louis. Then I did 3 months in jail for that offense.

I wrote Hayley often in jail and asked that she see me in jail. So one time Hayley did see me in jail. And I did not recognize her when she approached me in jail, as I had not seen Hayley in 4 years at that time. The visit on the phone with Hayley in jail went rather well I feel.

Once released from jail I asked Hayley to see me at my parents house. So one evening she came to my parents house and I spent a few hours with Hayley.

All things considered that evening went very well with Hayley. During that visit with her I learned that Hayley viewed me as violent, unstable and aggressive. None of which is true. This visit with Hayley was good I feel, but Hayley was distant with me this evening at my parent's house. At the end of that visit Hayley told me she wanted to see me on fathers day.

So I arranged to meet Hayley at a restaurant the evening of fathers day. Once there we sat down and I got the impression that Hayley did not want to be there with me. So at the restaurant I told Hayley to leave if she wanted to and she did in fact leave me alone in that restaurant. That was the last time I saw Hayley, which was the summer of 2015.

Since then Hayley has not responded to my attempts to contact her through handwritten letters and email. She has me blocked on facebook. Keep in mind I did absolutely nothing to cause this behavior Hayley is now demonstrating.

Her mother falsely accused me of abusing her I believe because her mother did not like what I discovered about her. The fact that she is a lesbian in particular. This parental alienation I'm experiencing is a continuation of Hayley's mother wishing to destroy me completely. Her mother has been partially effective I'm sad to say.

This life I created is now gone from my life due to parental alienation, which has been progressive and severe the past 6 years in particular. Hayley, my daughter, has been saturated with anger and hate so much that she will now not speak with me or contact me in any way.

To combat this anger and hate possibly forced upon her by her mother especially I have in fact wrote Hayley beautiful letters at least once a week. And again Hayley did receive my letters but Hayley never wrote me back. This beauty I gave Hayley apparently has been ineffective, which deeply saddens me.

I gave Hayley over 10 years of my life. At times women would cry seeing Hayley and I together wishing their own dads would of been like me.

As a result of the separation and distance from Hayley, I have at times been suicidal and noticeably self destructive. Ironically this life I created is essentially destroying me slowly and painfully.

Parental alienaton I believe cannot be prevented or treated effectively now. Because the etiology of parental alienation is true evil.

Views: 70

Comment by TJ on April 6, 2017 at 9:56am

Well, the other spouse often DOES poison the child's relationship with the other spouse (or Ex, etc), and, sometimes, what feels like a beautiful letter, from an adult viewed with suspicion,  via horns effect, etc, can be interpreted as evidence of the negative qualities of concern.

Being in prison itself labels you as a bad person in most people's eyes, children in particular, due to their more simplistic view of the are where they put bad people, so, you are a bad person, etc.

So, somehow, you let this all spin out of control, and, it cost you big time.  Blaming the child for "alienating you" seems unfair though, as she is a pawn either way.

You are the one who violated parole for example, and, had to do more time as a result to re-visit her.

What if you had NOT violated parole?

And so forth.

You are "taking responsibility" for your actions in word only, and don't seem to truly understand/get that it REALLY is your series of poor decisions and judgement, that SEEMS, in your posts, to be the real problem...and that YOU caused the alienation, not your daughter.

Sure, the wife was probably not a fan of yours either...but a lesbian who marries a guy might not be making great decisions either, perhaps she has her own hell she went through, etc...but, LOTS of people have the same starting point you did, including the divorce including sexual abuse allegations, restraining orders, etc, but....

....They work it out and don't end up homeless and in jail, etc.

So, if you think back to each turning point in your saga, you will be able to see your options more clearly with 20/20 hindsight typically...and, realize where you zigged when you should have zagged or whatever.

You can THEN try to figure out what went wrong, and why.....and stop seeing yourself as a victim of fate...but of choices.

We ALL screw up, but spin control/remedial measures help...and, well, you show little evidence of that.

Does any of this ring true for you?


Comment by Dan Abshear on April 6, 2017 at 10:08am

I violated probation 3 times.  Defended myself and talked myself out of jail the first 2 times.  I take responsibility by writing about what happens to me.  Thanks TJ.

Comment by Strega on April 6, 2017 at 11:36am
It's entirely possible your daughter may seek you out after a few years of adulthood. If her mind was indeed contaminated by your ex, she may become more aware of the disparity in what she hears and what she remembers. You've got to try not to grab at her too hard if she does reach out to you. Don't be that stalker, man. Start thinking of her as an adult woman, and consider what your relationship with that person might look like.

What are you going to contribute in any such relationship, and why would that benefit her (as an adult). This isn't a question you need to answer to me - it's one you need to work out for yourself :)


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