When I was five years old I remember getting dressed for church and standing in the large walk in closet with my mom talking to her in normal jabber that kids usually annoy parents with when they are working on something. I was talking to my mom about the bible and what it all meant. I kept asking her about different things that the church did every sunday and what they meant. I remember asking her "What is a bag-tism?" yeah it took me forever to get it right back then. She explained the process of it to me and really did not tell me what it meant, just how it was done and asked me if I wanted to do it. What little girl does not want to be in front of everyone and the center of attention in a pretty new dress, I was thrilled. The next sunday rolled around and I did not fight her or pretend to be sick. I looked like a princess in a puffy, itchy, flower overloaded pagent looking dress. I think I enjoyed the dress more than anything (which it is packed away by my mother).

We went to church, it was a little southern baptist church with a preacher that could never get my name right. In fact, he still can't get it right after knowing me since I was born until now. Anyways off topic again. They filled the horrid blue bath tub with cold water while I was in the back getting sprayed with hair spray and fluffed like I was going to a ball. They started the music and i came out, walked on the steps and freaked out when I touched the water. I decided I did not want to do this after all. I was pushed and shoved by some old lady I did not know while my parents could not see in the audience. She almost threw me in the water and the preacher started to talk about this and that. It was so great a young life, blah blah blah. He walked me closer to him while I was shivering and bouncing. Then, he placed a cloth over my nose and mouth which to me was instant panic. I started kicking and screaming, muffled under the cloth. I had no idea what was going on. I was fighting him and he was trying to push me under the water. During the fight my legs came out from under me or he picked me up I am not sure since it was so long ago. I went under the water screaming and kicking. I choked on the water filling my nose and mouth. When he jerked me up everyone was clapping and cheering while I was choking and crying. I don't think anyone could tell how upset and distressed I was.

It was one of the scariest moment I can remember from when I was that young. That day I decided I did not like church, I did not know enough to say I disliked christianity but I knew i hated church and everything it stood for. I fought for the rest of my life to not go or make hell everytime I did get forced to go. When I turned 19, I finally won against my parents and they did not force me to go anymore using threats. I never did go back when they asked me to.