I am confused, which is not unusual, having survived the sexual revolution of the late 60's and early 70's (when women proclaimed to be every bit as sexual as men), I now am informed that to even ask a woman if she is interested in a possible sexual liaison is harassment.  I think back on all the times I broached this subject with women of my acquaintance and been rejected by most, but accepted by some and wonder, what am I missing?  To me, sex is the nicest thing two humans can do for each other (and I realize that unwanted sex is horrible; if I ever came upon a man raping a woman I would feel compelled to kill him!)  I guess my question is, how does one seek a partner for sexual activity without being a scumbag, for I have known women who were even more hyper-sexual than I, and enjoyed every moment.

Views: 117

Tags: sexuality

Comment by Dustin on July 3, 2011 at 10:56pm
Get them drunk and learn to tell them everything they wish to hear. Then the female will throw down her defenses and trick herself into thinking she is being 'seduced' and then it is ok ... because all of the slut shaming that goes on and responsibility of it being her 'fault' is off her shoulders and she can enjoy herself ... because she rationalizes it as you're just a player and you took advantage of her low inhibitions.

Or just change societies outlook on female sexuality and promiscuity.

I am only half joking with this post. Sadly , that is usually the case when you want sex but no strings attached ... cause prostitution is illegal and you can't just walk up to a cute girl in the supermarket and ask her to fornicate with you in the produce section , no matter how open she might be to the idea.
Comment by Doug Reardon on July 3, 2011 at 11:03pm
I have no desire to have sex with someone who doesn't find me attractive, and I am at the low end of attractiveness.
Comment by Dustin on July 3, 2011 at 11:11pm
lol , that's curious. I would never hesitate to have sex with an attractive woman if she didn't find me attractive.
Comment by Brian Carnell on July 3, 2011 at 11:45pm

To be fair, the issue was being on an elevator at 4 a.m. when the man invited the woman back to his room for "coffee."

 

Would you try to hook up with a woman that way?? I wouldn't, but that may just be me.

 

On the other hand, it is interesting to watch the debate back and forth, especially between the "had to be a rapist creep" and the "could have been a socially awkward nerd" folks. It is interesting that we would never say that someone up drinking until 4 a.m. with a bunch of men shouldn't be surprised if she gets propositioned in an elevator, but some people have no problem implying that any male who would proposition a woman at 4 a.m. in an elevator *must* be a creepy potential rapist.

Comment by Reggie on July 3, 2011 at 11:45pm
Are you referencing the latest debacle involving Rebecca Watson, an elevator, and an early morning invite for coffee?
Comment by Dustin on July 3, 2011 at 11:59pm

@Brian - What's the difference between inviting an already drunk woman in an elevator back to your place for 'coffee' and going on the prowl into the heartlands of some local University to get some wild college girl drunk and invite her back to your place to 'have a few more drinks' once the bars close?  

 

I always tend to think that a woman , no matter how much alcohol she consumes , still has the ability to reason and say 'No thank you'.  If I hear those words then I am done pushing anything because it is a huge decrease in stimuli to act sexually towards a woman who isn't interested. THAT to me is the creepy part.  Not the initial offering.  You can't know until you ask or try , right?  

 

Comment by Reggie on July 4, 2011 at 12:10am

Aerosmith wrote a song about certain behavior in an elevator, no?

 

Certain feminists in the Skeptic movement annoy me.  I'd hate to be young, foolish, and single again with their attitudes on how men should or should not behave being prevalent.  Hell, I'd be lucky to not offend them now despite being older, very arguably wiser, and not on the market.

Comment by Vikki Garland on July 4, 2011 at 12:24am
Well there is a movement called sexpositive I think you'd be interested in. It contains a group of people who state that any sex is okay as long as its between two(or any number of) consenting adults. They also promote safe sex and teach people proper methods of birth control. Its really awesome. Some women believe that men thinking of them or speaking to them in a sexual way is disrespectful, but slowly we're all learning that sex is nothing to be shameful of. Its a beautiful thing, the most beautiful thing.
Comment by Brian Carnell on July 4, 2011 at 12:33am

@Dustin -- there haven't actually been any claims made about the alcohol consumption (more on that in a second though).

 

The two claims appear to be -- the female was in a group setting with the male and others and announced she was going to her room to sleep as she was tired. The male propositioned her in the elevator anyway, which, it is claimed, is inappropriate.

 

Secondly, it is claimed that asking a woman to come back to your room for coffee at 4 a.m. in an elevator when you and the woman are the only two people in said elevator is inherently threatening. (I would be curious to know whether it is more, less, or equally creepy for a woman to propositon a man at 4 a.m. in an elevator -- and yes, I have seen that happen at a con).

 

As for alcohol...I once had occasion to discuss this with someone who would be involved with handling complaints of a sexual nature in a college setting. The policy of the school this person worked with was basically this: if the woman had been drinking and there was sexual activity and the woman filed a complaint, those three facts in and of themselves led to an automatic disciplinary hearing for the man (or other woman potentially) even in cases where the facts never came close to the legal standard for lacking consent. For non-students, they would ban them from campus, opening them up to possible arrest for trespassing.

 

Alcohol consumption adds an odd problem to the mix. I've been married to my wife for 18 years. I don't drink alcohol. I have pretty much no reference point for determining at what point after consuming alcohol that she has passed the point of no longer being able to give meaningful consent. Obviously there are two obvious poles here -- when someone hasn't had a drink at all and when someone is so drunk that they are on the verge of passing out (or have already passed out), but I'm still at a loss as to how people determine ability to meaningfully give consent in stages in between there...is there some sort of brief consent cognitive test you can give people?

Comment by Araina on July 4, 2011 at 3:42am
We still have more to lose by having sex with a man.

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