Comment by Eric VanDeGenachte on January 15, 2010 at 7:55pm

Teenage problems you may have, but a teenager you are. Don't discount your challenges in the least or accept marginalization by those older than you. Every challenge is... a challenge, independent of whether it is a challenge to others. I, for one (of undoubtedly many) admire your commitment to convictions. You, like the rest of us, will grow in time to find comfort in your own percepetions and as well as acceptance in the decisions others make for themselves.

No, you are not irrational for wanting to figure everything out, just a bit unrealistic is all. I may seem like a geezer to you (at 39 y.o.), but I'm far from figuring things out and doubt I ever will - but it is the effort to TRY to figure things out that helps to place us on the right tract. We all censor ourselves for a host of reasons, two of which you've highlighed above. I believe that you are in a particularly difficult environment within which to express yourself and probably have to censor yourself more frequently than you wish. You will find, as you grow older and increasingly independent, that you have the capacity to *choose* when to censor yourself and when to be assertive and even adversarial - never forget that these two attributes can return great dividends to you. This will not be the first time you've been left behind, but try to recall that it is a two-way street such that you are leaving *them* behind in the process and advancing forward on your own highway of experience. Some of them will come around, most of them may not.

I wish you all the very best in your experiences and welcome any questions you feel I might be helpful with. I wish you deep satisfaction and peace, Eric

Comment by Samantha Dye on January 15, 2010 at 8:56pm

Your friends should consider themselves to be lucky to have a friend who is clear enough in her own beliefs (or lack of) and has the confidence to stand up and say so. It is unfortunate that they cannot accept that we do not all think alike, and that it should be considered as a positive side to any friendship. And as for having to censor themselves around you - my dad and step mother are fairly recent born again Christians, whereas I have never made my Atheism a secret. They do not try to change my opinion, and I do not mock them for their beliefs, and we do not have a problem.
As Eric suggests, you will find that there are times when you sensor yourself out of choice and it is not always a bad thing. Even now, I do not always get it right though!
I wish you luck and courage.

Comment by Doug Reardon on January 15, 2010 at 9:22pm

I, on the other hand, being 59 have figured everything out. People are slime, I know cause i Used to be one. Follow your mind and heart, that's all any of us can do. Don't beat yourself up, there are plenty of others to do that for you. Avoid those who are vexations to the heart. And grab all the gusto you can.

Comment by Wendy on January 16, 2010 at 2:40am

Doug - I read your comment in a Robin-Williams-in-Mrs.-Doubtfire voice... "Oh, I don't watch the males... I used ta beee wun."

I highly highly HIGHLY commend you for taking a stance & having taken the time to figure out what you really believe. I was a "I want to believe"er well into my post-academic life. It's only been in the last 5 years or so (I'm a young old-fart, 29) that I've been confident enough in my conclusions to be vocal about it in mixed company.

When I was in high school (gawd, that makes me sound old..) I did everything in my power to convince myself of God, Jesus & the church. I *did* "try harder." I had an in-depth academic understanding of the dogma, but it never felt real to me. I have pages & pages of journals where I lamented this... I felt like it was a short coming on my part for not being able to really believe these things. So, for you to be able to say "No, this doesn't make sense!" at that age is definitely commendable.

I know it's cliche, but that which does not kill us makes us stronger. If your friends are seriously having that hard of a time dealing with your honesty, then that's maybe not the best group to be in. I have no problem being friends with theists, but all parties have to be on the "agree to disagree" standing.

As Eric said, this is a teenage problem, because you're in a teenage stage of life. In all honesty, you'd have this sort of situation even if you faked theistic belief. It's part of the chrysalis of growing into adulthood - you must have conflict with friends, grow, change, find new friends... It'll make you a stronger individual for having gone through it, especially with a clear conscience.

Keep your head up, and keep coming to T|A. You are not the only teen here, and even the "grownups" are totally cool with talking to anyone who can rub a couple of braincells together :) Good luck, and keep on keeping on!!

Comment by Cara Coleen on January 16, 2010 at 11:35pm

What you'll find, Samantha, is that life will not be that much different after you graduate . You know, you sort of expect people to stop acting like they're in high school once they're not in high school. They don't. Ever. Sorry to be a Debbie-downer, but all that drama will continue in college and the work-place. So, don't apologize for your "teenage problems"; much of those issues you're having with people will continue.

As much as you'd like to confront those kids who've decided to ostracize you, I wouldn't recommend it. I doubt they'll give you any satisfactory answers. Most are not being intellectually honest to start with, so they'll probably feed you some crap about, yeah, light not having fellowship with darkness and whatnot. The reality is, they'll afraid you'll rub off on them... even if they wouldn't admit as much to their self. "Doubt" is a very serious issue for Christians, and that's why they go nuts over movies like The Da Vinci Code. They're anti-intellectual, so you're not going to get an in-depth answer. They're so brainwashed they can't even see how unlike Jesus their behavior actually is. You're scary, Sam, because you don't affirm their faith by accepting it at face-value.

But, if it makes you feel any better, I promise they haven't cemented their own beliefs... as much as they think they have. I mean, I was a Bible thumper when I was in high school, and look at me now! In ten years, most won't even recognize their selves. I would've never thought I'd become atheist! Ever! Of course, you're welcome to put seeds of doubt in their little brains, but... it's gotta be a personal journey. You may not know just what will make their faith crack; for me, it was discovering that there are people who believe the events in the book of Revelations took place in 70 AD. HA! Stupid, but true. And who could've ever figured that out in order to deconvert me?

And yeah... they're really not worth the effort, though I'm sure it still hurts. You're just not going to get from those relationships what you need. You probably won't even know most of those kids after you're done with high school anyway.

...just try to be patient with being your age. It will pass ;)

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