There are some things theists don't have answers to. While a few might have it all figured out, other believers struggle with questions like:
Did Adam have a bellybutton?
If disease was created when Adam and Eve left the garden, does that mean Noah and his family were carrying all hereditary human diseases?
When the Earth stopped spinning for Joshua to win a battle (Joshua 10:12-14), why did no one else keep a record of an unusually long day or night?
If God isn't sexist, why does He say women are unclean for longer after giving birth to a girl
rather than a boy? (Leviticus 12:1-5)
Why did God wait 13.7 billion years to get around to creating His favourite species?
If Earth is much younger than scientists say, does that mean the continents split and went rushing away from each other, only to screech to a near crawl just before humans started taking notice of their speed?
Is there free will in heaven? If there is, and we'll be perfect (or at least not sin), how can sins on Earth be blamed on our free will?
Why did God create a planet with earthquakes, tsunamis, hurricanes and other factors designed to cause suffering?
It can't be blamed on us if these things existed before humans even came on the scene.
If God is the grand architect of billions upon billions of stars, planets and galaxies, with unlimited power to do anything, why do some of His demands seem so immature and petty by comparison? For example, demanding people burn animals so He could enjoy the smell, and insisting they put their heads under some water to prevent damnation.
If God already has a grand plan, what is the point in us praying for Him to do things? He'd do it or not regardless.
If God designed our brains to believe whatever we're told as children by our parents, doesn't this give an unfair advantage to those who happen to be born in the right time and place to be taught His true religion?
   When a theist does become stumped by something (doesn't have to be something in that list, think of something you'd want to ask God if you met Him), often enough they'll say 'We can't be expected to know everything, we'll have to wait to find out. Perhaps I can ask God when I go to heaven, but it's okay not knowing everything now.'
   Is it really okay for people to think that way when they come across a gap in their knowledge? There is a solution to this. The solution is Jod. Jod is a time travelling Japanese man, born in the year 4444. He travels through time and space in his anti-aging time capsule, interfering or helping God out, depending on his mood. His existence answers everything we ever wanted to know.
   Nobody else on Earth kept a record of the sun appearing to halt for a whole day because Jod of the Japs was using the time capsule's all encompassing neuro modifier beam to give everyone normal day delusions.
   God waited nine billion years before making our planet because Jod of the Japs had convinced Him to have the longest cosmic chess game ever. It took God another 4.7 billion years to make humans because Jod challenged Him to a rematch.
   The Biblical verses showing God as sexist were snuck in by Jod of the Japs. God got tired of taking them out all the time so He left it in the end.
   It was Jod of the Japs who used the time capsule's telepathic communication ray to convince some humans to burn animals because he missed the smell of barbeques (a fire hazard on time capsules).
   I don't know why, but I find most God believers aren't convinced. They say things like 'Nobody knows, not even you. You're making stuff up because you can't live with not knowing. It would be stupid to think we should know as much as our descendants. The early Jews didn't know Jesus' blood and flesh was going to be represented by wine and bread, or that he'd be returning anytime now. It all had to be revealed. Knowledge comes with time, why can't you be patient?'
   That's right. They can't disprove Jod of the Japs, and it even answers every question we can have, but they'd rather stick to their ignorance than accept he exists. They demand proof, when proof is all around us. How else can these mysteries be explained? That's proof enough.
   They're always changing their minds too. First they think God made everything exactly as the Genesis account says, now they think it was just an easier way to understand things because humans were less knowledgeable in Biblical times. How can the waiting for God method ever be trusted when God's answers keep changing?
   At least some of us are willing to use common sense in accepting Jod of the Japs has done all these things. It appears others would rather be stubborn and cling to unanswered mysteries.

Views: 18

Comment by Heather Spoonheim on July 14, 2011 at 3:47pm

Here are some great fundamentalist answers to all of your questions....

 

Did Adam have a bellybutton? No

 

If disease was created when Adam and Eve left the garden, does that mean Noah and his family were carrying all hereditary human diseases?  No, these diseases accumulate as the result of our sins.  Noah had no hereditary diseases because he was a man pure of heart and worthy in the eyes of the lored.

 

When the Earth stopped spinning for Joshua to win a battle (Joshua 10:12-14), why did no one else keep a record of an unusually long day or night?  The battle was so important that time was suspended in the entire universe except on that battle field and in a direct path to the sun which continued to provide light for the battle.

 

If God isn't sexist, why does He say women are unclean for longer after giving birth to a girl rather than a boy? (Leviticus 12:1-5)  God isn't sexist, he just made man superior (I think I just palined).

 

Why did God wait 13.7 billion years to get around to creating His favourite species?

He didn't, creation only took 6 days.


If Earth is much younger than scientists say, does that mean the continents split and went rushing away from each other, only to screech to a near crawl just before humans started taking notice of their speed? Yes.


Is there free will in heaven? If there is, and we'll be perfect (or at least not sin), how can sins on Earth be blamed on our free will?  Our freewill only leads us to sin because we entertain doubts of gawd's love, but once we bask in his glory our doubts will no longer tempt us.

 


Why did God create a planet with earthquakes, tsunamis, hurricanes and other factors designed to cause suffering?  They weren't created for suffering, silly - they were created to remind us of his awesome power and we should celebrate these displays.

 

If God is the grand architect of billions upon billions of stars, planets and galaxies, with unlimited power to do anything, why do some of His demands seem so immature and petty by comparison? For example, demanding people burn animals so He could enjoy the smell, and insisting they put their heads under some water to prevent damnation.

 His demands aren't petty and immature at all, for they are difficult for man to uphold.  He set a standard that is within our grasp, not one that requires his mighty powers.

 

If God already has a grand plan, what is the point in us praying for Him to do things? He'd do it or not regardless.  To show our faith.


If God designed our brains to believe whatever we're told as children by our parents, doesn't this give an unfair advantage to those who happen to be born in the right time and place to be taught His true religion?  Just as you have the freewill to reject the religion you were taught, those who were taught false religions can do so as well.  There is only one true path and you know it in your heart.

 

When a theist does become stumped by something (doesn't have to be something in that list, think of something you'd want to ask God if you met Him), often enough they'll say 'We can't be expected to know everything, we'll have to wait to find out. Perhaps I can ask God when I go to heaven, but it's okay not knowing everything now.'  This isn't even a question, silly.

 

Your concept of Jod is just silly - look in your heart and find the wisdom of Christ.

 

****** OK, virtual fundy session terminated ************

Whew, I thought my head was going to explode.

Comment by Serotonin Wraith on July 14, 2011 at 6:06pm

I know these answers won't matter unless a real fundie tries answering those, but it can be fun to consider a couple of them-

If time stopped everywhere else, wouldn't the lightwaves from the sun have stopped too? The problem of darkness crops up again!

If we wouldn't sin in heaven, knowing God's glory without doubt, why did Satan and one third of the angels?

Amazing the topics you get into talking to theists. Such a fantasy world.

Comment by Heather Spoonheim on July 14, 2011 at 7:21pm

Well, like I said, time stopped everywhere except on that battle field and along a direct path to the sun, which continued to supply light for the battle.  How is this possible?  Goddidit, that's how. :D

 

Satan's powers are massive, almost comparable to those of gawed, and because of this he was tempted by vanity and 1/3rd of the angels were tempted by him.  So you see, they too had free will, but they were taken by vanity, not truly appreciating the wonders of the universe the way we can, having been gifted mortal flesh and earthly suffering.

 

Now, here's one for you.  The bible tells us in the story of the tower of Babel that all the people of the land spoke one language until that tower fell.  We now know this to be true, since linguists have traced back most languages of that region to a single Indo-European root.  The tower was obviously an empire, like Rome, and both times such a great empire fell it scattered the languages - the reason we have French, Italian, Portuguese, Spanish, Catalan, Romanian; all having descended from Latin.  Now, how could people back then have even conceived of such a phenomenon without gawed telling them?  Remember, this was before Rome.  It wasn't until the 20th century that science even knew about the Indo-European roots of most languages from that region.

Comment by Serotonin Wraith on July 14, 2011 at 7:26pm
I'm writing one about the Babel story. Yeah it works if you see it as a metaphor, but not literally. I'll post it once it's done.

Comment

You need to be a member of Think Atheist to add comments!

Join Think Atheist

Services we love!

We are in love with our Amazon

Book Store!

Gadget Nerd? Check out Giz Gad!

Advertise with ThinkAtheist.com

In need a of a professional web site? Check out the good folks at Clear Space Media

© 2014   Created by umar.

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service