The Holiday where Christians will adorn their white robes to deliver salvation to the evil devil children Halloween by giving them Bibles instead of Candy.


It started yesterday when my Sister, who knows and hates that I’m atheist, asked me what I was doing for Halloween. Instantly I knew something was off because my Sister is just too Jesus-y to celebrate such an evil Holiday.Oh, she dresses her boyfriend’s kids up (as angels, knights, & princesses) all right but then she ruins it by taking them to the church so they can pray to Jesus. Oh joy!


When I was a kid she did that to me but bitched the entire time because I dressed up as a zombie devil princess and I ate candy during prayer. What can I say I was eight!.


Anyways I told her I wasn’t going to have time to do anything this year because the guys were working that night. So I would be home alone watching every horror movie in my arsenal of awesome in the dark. She scoffed at the mention of my horror movies and asked me if instead I would like to join her for ……. Jesus-Ween….. “What?”


Jesus-Ween; where Jesus gets your candy and you get a book. After she went on about it for several minutes I set my phone down and looked it up myself… To my horror she wasn’t lying. After a quick glance over of their web site I just had to ask her.

“Carol, let me ask you a question”


“How many kids typically come to your door where you live?”

“I don’t know, maybe 60 -70 kids, why?”

“You do realize you’re going to have to fork out $140 bucks to have enough Bibles to cover just the kids that show up at your door”


*SIGH* “You mean to tell me your going to fork out $140 dollars plus shipping to some Religious group that doesn’t have to pay taxes, just so you can hand out Bibles to little kids?”

“YEAH, what’s wrong with that?”

“A lot! If I was a kid and you handed me a Bible instead of candy I would hit you with it then TP your entire house and yard”.

“OMG, what is wrong with you Halloween is filled with sin and you have the chance to do something good for it”.

“Oh you’re funny; I am doing a lot of good by not subjecting children to that horrible book or making some jerk off rich but good luck with that”.


Personally I now feel like getting all my friends to dress up as Jesus, their kids included, and we all go hit up these Jesus-ween houses.



Views: 647

Comment by The Doctor on October 28, 2011 at 12:28pm

it's so presumptuous, when I was a fundie I went trick-or-treating dressed as my favourit horror movie monsters, If I would have been handed a bible I would have just added it to my collection (I had like 5 of them)

Once again religeon just proves bigoted and judgemental.

Comment by Tammy on October 28, 2011 at 12:43pm

@ Rick

Lazy evangelist! It's pretty funny that I should be reminded of a crocodile from your description of Pastor Paul. 

Comment by Rick on October 28, 2011 at 1:05pm

@ Tammy

How doth the little crocodile
Improve upon his shining tail,
And pour the waters of the Nile
On every golden scale!
How cheerfully he seems to grin,
How neatly spreads his claws,
And welcomes little fishes in
With gently smiling jaws!
Comment by Tammy on October 28, 2011 at 2:27pm

@ Rick

Oh wow, I've never heard that one before!! Thank you for that I absolutely loved it.It's creepy though when you think of it in the same sense as that Pastor sitting on his front porch, grinning from ear to ear as he handed out each Bible.



Comment by Rick on October 28, 2011 at 3:16pm


Great, isn’t it? It’s by Lewis Carroll. I thought it was perfect for your crocodile reference and the Jebus-ween guy.

Comment by Skycomet the Fallen Angel on October 28, 2011 at 4:47pm

What kind of kid wants bibles instead of candy?! When I was a kid I was already annoyed enough by the "healthy teeth freaks" who handed out floss and toothbrushes instead of candy. Yep! If I was handed a bible and told that halloween was evil... I probably would have brought my little 10 year old buddies along to do something like door-bell ditch or TP their house.

Don't those idiots know the rules of Halloween? TRICK OR TREAT! 

Either you give me sugary treats... or I play a trick on you!


What a bunch of morons! It would cost far less to put a big sign on their house that said: Please paintball my door or throw eggs at my windows or TP my house or hit my mailbox with a baseball bat! I'm just DYING to be pranked! LMAO!

Comment by Doc Feral on December 30, 2011 at 4:24am

Just another Holiday they want to take over ... nothing new there. If they don't have exclusive rights to a holiday, it's just not fair..  whine, whine, bitch, bitch. 

Comment by Doc Feral on December 30, 2011 at 4:34am

I will say that guy dressed as Buddy Christ is great..LOL


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