The Holiday where Christians will adorn their white robes to deliver salvation to the evil devil children Halloween by giving them Bibles instead of Candy.


It started yesterday when my Sister, who knows and hates that I’m atheist, asked me what I was doing for Halloween. Instantly I knew something was off because my Sister is just too Jesus-y to celebrate such an evil Holiday.Oh, she dresses her boyfriend’s kids up (as angels, knights, & princesses) all right but then she ruins it by taking them to the church so they can pray to Jesus. Oh joy!


When I was a kid she did that to me but bitched the entire time because I dressed up as a zombie devil princess and I ate candy during prayer. What can I say I was eight!.


Anyways I told her I wasn’t going to have time to do anything this year because the guys were working that night. So I would be home alone watching every horror movie in my arsenal of awesome in the dark. She scoffed at the mention of my horror movies and asked me if instead I would like to join her for ……. Jesus-Ween….. “What?”


Jesus-Ween; where Jesus gets your candy and you get a book. After she went on about it for several minutes I set my phone down and looked it up myself… To my horror she wasn’t lying. After a quick glance over of their web site I just had to ask her.

“Carol, let me ask you a question”


“How many kids typically come to your door where you live?”

“I don’t know, maybe 60 -70 kids, why?”

“You do realize you’re going to have to fork out $140 bucks to have enough Bibles to cover just the kids that show up at your door”


*SIGH* “You mean to tell me your going to fork out $140 dollars plus shipping to some Religious group that doesn’t have to pay taxes, just so you can hand out Bibles to little kids?”

“YEAH, what’s wrong with that?”

“A lot! If I was a kid and you handed me a Bible instead of candy I would hit you with it then TP your entire house and yard”.

“OMG, what is wrong with you Halloween is filled with sin and you have the chance to do something good for it”.

“Oh you’re funny; I am doing a lot of good by not subjecting children to that horrible book or making some jerk off rich but good luck with that”.


Personally I now feel like getting all my friends to dress up as Jesus, their kids included, and we all go hit up these Jesus-ween houses.



Views: 721

Comment by Graham on October 27, 2011 at 4:35pm

Jesusween? For crying out loud...
The lengths they'll go to to stop anyone expressing themselves in any kind of way that they disagree with is beyond belief. Not too keen on anyone suggesting stopping them expressing their beliefs, though, are they?
Live and let live doesn't mean much to fundie Christians.
And they wonder why atheists get annoyed with them... 

Comment by Jared on October 27, 2011 at 4:36pm

I would be pretty upset with someone assuming it was cool to give my kid a bible even if I wasn't an Atheist. I have to agree with you her house would be the biggest target around after it got around that they were giving out bibles... I mean talk about trying to take any fun out of the holiday.

Comment by Tammy on October 27, 2011 at 4:55pm

@ Graham

Not in the least. If Christians had their way they would convert the entire world tomorrow.

Comment by Tammy on October 27, 2011 at 5:04pm

@ Jared Fish

I agree and later that night I even called my sister back to explain why I thought this was a bad idea. Tried to explain to her how offensive this might be to some people. That not all kids in the world are Christian and they deserved to have their fun. It's the one Holiday they can be what ever they want to be. She wouldn't listen, just said that God was the light or some crap and that all children needed to see that light.


In short they could care less who they offend as long as they got their message out.

Comment by Jared on October 27, 2011 at 5:40pm

Yeah it will make the dentist on the block who gives out floss and tooth brushes look cooler. I would laugh if someone down the street from her started giving out a mixed bag of holy books like the Koran, Book of Mormon, or some Vedas to the kids.  I'd like see what her thoughts on that would be.

Comment by Tammy on October 27, 2011 at 6:45pm

@ Jared Fish

HAHAHA, Lucky for the dentist, not so much for the kids. I love your idea of the mixed bag of holy books. That is a riot. I will definitely have to ask her about that. I can only imagine what she will say. Christianity is the ONLY true religion.

Comment by Mr Bill on October 27, 2011 at 8:05pm

You can be the coolest house on the block by trading in those bibles for candy bars!

Comment by Tammy on October 27, 2011 at 9:10pm

@ Mr Bill

I do believe you are a genius, thank you!!! 

Comment by Dustin on October 27, 2011 at 9:14pm

I think it's a good thing they are handing out bibles - maybe some of the kids will accidentally open it to ... I dunno, let's say any page ... and start reading for ... I dunno, a few lines ... and hopefully run into something that will scare the shit out of them and they convert on the spot.  :)

Comment by Dustin on October 27, 2011 at 9:14pm

err deconvert *


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