So, I've been neglecting this community for a while because a) I was kinda busy and b) some people in it (yeah, looking at you Samia and any other antieuthers that I might have encountered) pissed me off. But I follow you guys on Twitter and most of the stuff that gets posted is actually pretty awesome (like the "Tenacious DNA" vid I just watched). So I'm giving TA another try - at least you are more likely to have brains than the average population ;-) I'm still pro-euth (and pro-eugenics) but not really talking about it anymore; I don't want to fail again, so I'm not trying until a reasonably certain and comfortable opportunity presents itself, and I have mostly given up on being helped by anyone (guess the ethical zeitgeist is still a bit too backwards for that), but I keep my sensors open and I still have my donor registration, so yeah.
In the meantime, knowing that my life is completely useless anyway, I'd like to use it for my own fun, however selfish and unfair that might be. I even wrote a half-assed justification for that a few nights ago, which goes like this:
- Does the hole exist without the sock? And are there socks truly without holes?
- Socks have holes: they are made of threads. No threads are truely sealed tight.
- Exactly! And as we are made of matter we shall have flaws alike!
I remember my ex-classmate, the only one out of those 30 people I really talked to back then - I always felt a little odd about him, as he was pretty much meek, humble, introverted and kind, while bearing a handsome face, an exquisitely blond crown of hair and ice blue eyes... The discord almost hurt. Just like the contrast between my looks (sort of "dirty-white" although my papers are alright, nerdy, female, etc.) and feelings (assertive, no-nonsense, get-things-done type). My type of discord is more frequent, though - just as one would expect, as all living things strive towards health, not towards sickness. But perhaps even health is just another kind of sickness?
This is what the pacifists say, at least. And this is what the pragmatists do not say, but act out. Their world is not working, though. But nor does mine. It doesn't even exist. Having that in mind, do I exist? Or am I merely the wish for something else manifesting as a being of conflict and consciousness, with both its conflicts and its consciousness being illusions? But - illusions have to be perceived by someone, so something must exist that might as well be labeled as me. This being is obviously a mixture of real and unreal, past, present and future, matter and energy - which are essentially the same thing anyway, so a mixture of itself with itself.
The conclusion of modern science is that we humans are - healthy, sick, dead or alive - insignificant to anything but ourselves. That means - and this is a real shocker - that we might as well live. The existence of living things does damage to nothing but other living things. This damage is inevitable, thus suicide is the only ethical option. But then again there is an entire universe outside living beings, indifferent to the whole theatre of struggle. We may find beauty in the struggle - or more accurately, its victors -, but even more beauty and majesty in the lifeless universe. Doesn't its unaffectedness by anything mean, after all, that it's the ultimate victor? And since we cannot harm, pain or even annoy this Universe, we should not be concerned with ethics - only insofar as they lead us to whatever goals we might have, or to put it more simply, only insofar as they please us.
So... if anybody wants to chat me up, I'm here. Happy (late) Newtonmas, btw :-)