I've hit a wall. I'm back home, no job, just graduated, no friends (yet). My boyfriend is 750 miles away. I do have my family, but they don't really understand. They want to, and they're trying. I'm stuck at home by myself with nothing but the internet to keep me company. No job means no gas money or fun money.
I think I understand why people stay with religion. I can't say I've ever faced adversity like this before, and saw no real reason to believe in anything before. Things are slowly going downhill for me. Yes, I am being a pity party here. I've never, ever, ever had this sort of feeling or problem.
I have never wanted to be part of religion, I have never wanted to go to church, I have never wanted so much to be involved in a community like that.
I know the dangers of organized religion, I know the irrarionality that comes with believing in that sort of thing and I couldn't bring myself to actually doing it.
But I miss being with people. I miss having a common thread, I miss hanging out, I miss talking with people. I'm going crazy here in my house and there's nothing I can do about until I get a job.
I guess all this is to say I get why people stay with religion. I would be much happier believing at least a god
who loved me was hanging out here with me in my house. I'd have someone to talk to, someone to ask for advice. But the fact that I don't and can't believe in something like that only makes my time home alone that much more sucktastic.
I feel like I'm going crazy, guys.