I'm Coming Out Queer to My Evangelical Family

So, I find that being in the closet sucks. Too much energy and shame gets devoted to pretending I am someone I'm not. 

I want out of the lie.

Problem is...I have insanely religious extended family. And I don't care to argue with them about hell-fire, nurture vs. nature, scripture, or praying away the gay.

They're visiting this week. I'm not going to make an announcement or take people aside to talk about it. I've decided not to hide all my queer stuff (books, pictures, etc.) up in the closet, as I usually do. I've also changed my facebook bio to include my orientation. If questions arise, I'm not going to prevaricate; I'm just going to be honest. If there are any lead-ins to a discussion about who am I seeing, etc., I'm going to come out. Usually I dodge the issue or lie.

I would rather not let on that I'm an atheist at the same time. That might be tricky if they get all religulous about things.

I hope this doesn't end up causing a huge rift. My parents don't deserve that. I might become persona non grata for a couple of years. I don't care that much. I won't tolerate disrespectful comments or bigotry though. 

FSM, I'm nervous!

Views: 332

Tags: coming, evangelical, family, out, queer

Comment by Physeter on October 9, 2013 at 11:29pm

Hope you don't mind me posting here months later, I just wanted to say thank you for an inspiring story.

I love that dream. Your sexuality was a cake, something delicious and wonderful, but it (the situation) became rotten and smelly because it was hidden so long...

I can't begin to compare myself to you. I imagine if I ever come out as atheist to my parents, it won't be much like if I was coming out gay (I'm not gay). But still...when my folks are coming to my apartment, I have to hide all my atheist books, take the beer out of the fridge and hide it in the closet. When I go home for the weekend, I usually clear the browser history in my laptop because it's full of atheist sites.

Hope you're keeping that journal. Doing that has been quite helpful for me. The best part is going back and seeing how your thinking has grown and changed.


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